clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

The Banger Bros. need to come on Raw XXX

WWE.com

There’s been a whole lot of shitty news in pro wrestling so far in 2023, especially this week. So if you will indulge me, Cagesiders, I’d like to use this space to end the night on a more light-hearted note.

The 30th anniversary of Raw is being celebrated next week. WWE is going with the name of “Raw XXX” for the show, even selling merchandise on WWE Shop with those letters plastered all over it. The show is going to feature plenty of nostalgia and star power. But when I looked at WWE’s partial list of returning stars from the past, I noticed that it consists of a lot of the same faces they typically bring back for these occasions.

With that in mind, I realized that I have a much different wish list for who I’d like to see show up at Raw XXX. In no particular order, here are five things I’m hoping to see on Monday night:

The Banger Bros. need to come on Raw XXX

I might as well get the immature sex humor out of the way in the first entry, since WWE is including it right in the name of the show. Sheamus and Drew McIntyre are teaming up these days and calling themselves The Banger Bros., which very much sounds like a well-known porn film studio. At least that’s what various sources have told me.

With that in mind, Raw XXX seems like the perfect time for Sheamus and McIntyre to drive their Banger Bros. van to WWE and use the attached hose to spray down any wrestlers in the ring who they have legitimate beef with. I could go on about the backdoor politics that would be needed to make this Banger Bros. segment happen, but I better stop there before I get fired.

Forget Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair, let’s see Bret Hart and Goldberg

I don’t know about you, but I certainly don’t need to see Ric Flair or Hulk Hogan on my TV screen in 2013 2023. What about giving their spots to Bret Hart and Goldberg? The road to WrestleMania is coming up soon, and Bret Hart has been talking all kinds of shit about his former colleague. Why not bring them both to Raw XXX to kick off an angle for the most anticipated WrestleMania match of the year? Bret Hart vs. Goldberg is the only Goldberg match left that I still want to see. Make it happen, WWE.

Shane McMahon announces his entry in the Royal Rumble

Okay I know this sounds terrible but hear me out. A lot of fans are speculating that Vince McMahon will show up on Raw XXX. If we are forced to deal with a McMahon on this show, I’d rather Shane be the one who shows up. His presence alone could play right into the behind the scenes drama of the power struggle within the McMahon family at the moment. We still don’t know what kind of secrets he is hiding in that lockbox, after all, so they can easily blur the lines of reality.

Furthermore, the Royal Rumble match is right around the corner. When we last saw Shane in WWE, he was busy making an ass out of himself while booking himself to beat up stars like Kevin Owens and Matt Riddle in the Royal Rumble match, screwing up the order of entry in the match, and generally rubbing everyone the wrong way. He was apparently so obnoxious about it that he was sent home by his father, and we haven’t seen Shane in WWE since. I’m very curious to see what a round two of Shane in the Rumble would look like this year. How quickly can he get his ass sent home this time?

Big E makes an appearance

We haven’t seen Big E on WWE television ever since he suffered a broken neck last year. It would be pretty damn cool if the former WWE champion appears on Raw XXX and receives one of the loudest ovations of the night.

Naomi returns to WWE and joins The Bloodline

Sasha Banks and Naomi both walked out on WWE last May. Banks has since resurfaced in NJPW, but Naomi is still on the sidelines. A WWE return seems likely to me, so why not do it during the Acknowledgement Ceremony that is planned for Roman Reigns? Several members of the family are expected to be there, so it could be awesome if Naomi returned to WWE and stole the show by joining the top faction in the company.


Thanks for indulging my silliness here, Cagesiders. Please let me know in the comments below what you would love to see happen next week at Raw XXX.

Sign up for the newsletter Sign up for the Cageside Seats Daily Roundup newsletter!

A daily roundup of all your pro wrestling news from Cageside Seats