Pat McAfee details assault by former NFL roommate, current bum ass

First off, if you haven’t seen these roster headshots from the 2009 Indianapolis Colts team that Pat McAfee and Tom “Baron Corbin” Pestock played on that have been floating around the interwebs over the last few days, you should. They’re great for a lot of reasons, and referenced by our guy Pat Mac in his promo below.

With those in mind, please enjoy this promo from McAfee on his daily sports talk show today (July 5), documenting the cowardly assault by his former roommate and current bum ass after Money in the Bank, and explaining what he plans to do to said bum ass at SummerSlam:

“Little bit of a medical update on me... everybody seent my neck brace, that was out of precaution because a scumbag had attacked me immediately following Money in the Bank going off the air on Peacock. Michael Cole and I were just sitting there having our usual nightly wrap-up, like, ‘Hey, that was a fucking good night, felt like a good night...’ and before we can even get our headsets off and get out there, as the entire world was celebrating, some scumbag, by the name of Bum Ass Corbin, literally attacked me from behind the barricade, like a m— horror film. You watch it. Drags me over, hits a Fox exec right behind us, and a consultant right next to him. I actually kicked them both in the whole process of that. Hey, sorry bout it...

“Out of nowhere, I’m kinda swooped up by a scumbag. I’m out there, losing my bearings, I’m getting wailed on! Punches, HOO, throws me in — over the barricade, hit my head off the side of the commentary table that was blown up by Omos. Got cuts on my head from that thing cause there’s some metal where the bolts go... literally still bruised on my head right now from that, both sides.

“So then, I’m kinda staggering in there, this big son of a bitch, who’s a bum ass, former Golden Gloves boxer, obviously incredibly tough, former teammate of mine, roommate of mine, a man who has completely become a terrible human, has me by the hand, WITH MY ROLEX! ... Pulls me in, BOOM! I’m upside down all of a sudden, holy fuck! Right into the ground.

“Thought I had a T1, T2... My larynx potentially in trouble as well... I’m 240 pounds, when your body’s upside down and flipped around right onto your face, there’s going to be some bad outcomes. So there was a little precautionary there cause I could not move my neck afterwards cause I was in incredible pain, any budge would hurt like hell. Turns out, no fractures in there. But I did have a severe case of whiplash, so I will still be rather stiff here.

“With that being said, Happy Corbin, Bum Ass Corbin, has officially accepted my SummerSlam challenge, so it is on! ... And once this neck heals up a hundred percent, I’m gonna be fucking goin’. Imma beat that guy’s ass in Nashville, Tennessee, Sat., July 30. It’s gon’ be big. It’s gon’ be grand. This foot right chere is gonna end up UP THE ASS OF BUM ASS CORBIN!

It’s another great promo from McAfee. The way he builds up Corbin as a threat shows why he’s been praised by some of the greats for his wrestling mind, even though wrestling is like his fourth job. And the fact he works in hype for the big winners at Saturday night’s PLE* while promoting his own thing? It’s no wonder the McMahons love this guy.

Anyway... you can keep your Roman Reigns/Brock Lesnar finale. Pat Mac vs Bum Ass is our most anticipated SummerSlam showDAHN.

* I didn’t transcribe that part, but it’s in the Twitter clip, which I suggest watching anyway so you can enjoy Pat’s delivery n’at.