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WrestleMania 38 results: Pat McAfee beats Austin Theory, loses to Vince McMahon, Stone Cold shows up and Stuns everybody

When Byron Saxton joined Michael Cole at the desk for commentary at tonight’s (Sun., April 3, 2022) WrestleMania 38 pay-per-view at AT&T Stadium in Arlington, Texas, it made very clear what match was coming up next: Pat McAfee vs. Austin Theory.

It came about after Vince McMahon offered McAfee a match during an interview on his show. Theory was chosen as the opponent, and he went about trolling the ever loving hell out of McAfee for weeks, being an annoying little gnat we couldn’t wait to watch McAfee finally swat away at the “Showcase of the Immortals.”

Then, in a surprise, Vince McMahon himself came out just before the match, introducing Theory as “a future WWE Universal champion.”

File that one under “photos taken moments before disaster.”

The match wasn’t a technical masterpiece, certainly, but McAfee once again proved himself to be pretty damn good at this wrestling thing. They got through it with sheer emotion, the crowd right there with them for every bump out of sheer love for Pat Mac.

They went NUTS for this one:

Simple, but when you’ve got the crowd’s support the way he does, it works.

The finish saw McAfee surprise once more, as he reversed Theory into a cradle and scored the three count with that.

What came after the match was even bigger — McAfee challenged Vince, who was still out there, to get in the ring with him for a “two piece.” So Vince got in there and squared up with him.

And then they rang the damn bell!

A second match.

Vince McMahon wrestling Pat McAfee like initial rumors and reports indicated was in the plans.

So they went about it:

Theory jumped in and helped out any time McAfee threatened any actual offense, and eventually McAfee was felled, with McMahon punting a football into his gut and pinning him in the middle of the ring to thunderous boos.

They spent far too long hanging around in the ring celebrating, so none other than Stone Cold Steve Austin showed up full of piss and vinegar, and got Theory out of there with a Stunner.

That left him alone in the ring with Vince.

Just like old times.

Austin had them throw in a couple beers, teasing making good with each other. Vince had a tasting of the Broken Skull IPA first, then they toasted. And, of course, that toast ended with Vince taking the worst Stunner in the history of time.

Then Pat McAfee was back up and got in the ring to drink a few beers with the “Texas Rattlesnake.” But he forgot one very important lesson Austin taught the world back in the late 1990s.

DTA.

Don’t.

Trust.

Anybody.

McAfee got a Stunner too.

What a match.

What a moment.

STUPENDOUS.

Get complete WrestleMania 38 results and coverage of the entire Sunday card right here.