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WWE Stock Report: Austin Theory is the dumbest ass

Some places do power rankings. Here at Cageside, we do a stock report.

In this weekly series, we identify three Superstars (or groups of Superstars) who are on their way up, and three that are moving in the opposite direction. After a busy week that included The Miz being caught on a hidden camera, Mia Yim and Sarah Logan returning to WWE, and Bayley accepting Bianca Belair’s challenge for a WarGames match, a lot of fortunes were changed.

With that in mind, let’s see whose stock increased the most this week:

Stock Up #3: Nikki Cross

Nikki Cross is back to being unhinged, and she’s already won a title and finds herself booked in a War Games match on pay-per-view. That’s not too shabby for someone who was going nowhere fast with a very bad gimmick just a few weeks ago.

Stock Up #2: Seth Rollins & Bobby Lashley

The main event segment of the Nov. 7 Raw made it clear that these two guys will be dominating Raw in the coming weeks.

Lashley beat the shit out of Seth Rollins, Austin Theory, and Mustafa Ali towards the end of the night. Lashley’s sudden heel turn has fans excited about the possibility of the return of the Hurt Business.

Meanwhile, Rollins got the crowd behind him in a big way by surviving that ass kicking as well as a Money in the Bank cash-in. Seth’s sudden babyface turn is working like a charm, and WWE shouldn’t try to fight it.

Stock Up #1: The Usos

The Usos defeated the New Day last night (Nov. 11) on SmackDown, ensuring they will break the record for the longest tag team championship reign in WWE history. It also looks like The Bloodline is being set up to main event Survivor Series in a War Games match against babyfaces like Drew McIntyre and Sheamus.

Now let’s see whose stock decreased the most this week:

Stock Down #3: Elias

Elias has only been back in WWE for a short while, but everytime I see him I’m reminded of how much more entertaining Ezekiel was. Granted, Ezekiel’s foil was Kevin Owens, and it’s hard to do better than that. But babyface Elias is just not a very interesting character or wrestler. Elias quickly finds himself back in the losers’ column, getting pinned this week on Raw by Otis.

Stock Down #2: Dana Brooke & the 24/7 title division

After months of being ignored by Triple H’s creative team, Dana Brooke defended the 24/7 title on Raw and immediately lost it against Nikki Cross. The belt was then tossed out near the trash and officially retired by WWE. This booking decision won’t help Dana in her quest to be taken seriously.

Stock Down #1: Austin Theory

Austin Theory is the dumbest ass on the WWE roster.

First, he made the inexplicable decision to cash in his Money in the Bank contract on the United States championship.

Roman Reigns is the most dominant WWE champion in decades and Theory would be a made man if he used his golden ticket to come up with a clever way to end Roman’s run on top. Theory still had seven months left to figure out a way to gain some allies and weaken Roman’s defenses to catch him at the exact right time for a cash-in.

Yet he rushed the decision and cashed in on a title that he has already held, and a title that he could have fought for in an open challenge earlier in the show. It’s relatively easy to get US title shots in WWE, and winning that belt is just a lateral move for Austin. He decided to waste his MITB contract on it anyway, admitting he doesn’t think he belongs at the world championship level in WWE. That’s supposed to be the whole point of the MITB contract, to establish yourself as a main event star by taking the top prize in the company. I guess Theory didn’t get that memo that’s been going around for the last 17 years on the value of the MITB contract. The only time it might make sense to cash in on a secondary title is when the clock is ticking on the final weeks of the MITB contract. Theory was nowhere near that point.

To make matters even worse for Austin, he actually failed to win the United States title after wasting his contract on it. There’s a ton of downside in cashing in the contract for a secondary title, and this is now going to hang over Theory’s head for years. He’ll always be the idiot who cashed in a Money in the Bank contract on a lesser title and was then defeated in that title match. It’s hard to come back from that.

There you have it, Cagesiders. Whose stock do you think changed the most this week?

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