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Elias (who was totally Ezekiel) comes back to Raw next week

He was also Elrod, Ernie Jr., and whatever other family members he made up/impersonated while y’all were humoring his nonsense.

Back in August, Kevin Owens ended our — well, his and my, anyway — nightmare by powerbombing Ezekiel into the apron, sending him out of Raw on a stretcher and ending the charade that he wasn’t just his “brother” Elias with a shave.

We were subjected to one last farce, a doctored photo of the extended Elias family huddled around Zeke’s bedside at a hospital while their paterfamilias Ernie Jr. threatened KO. But since then, sanity has returned to WWE. Or what passes as sanity in a company where assaults are common place occurrences, fans cheer on stalkers, and rabbits are everywhere.

Now, Elias will return in his true guise... as a drifter musician who disparages every city he arrives in.

Weird how he was off television just long enough to regrow a beard, huh? OF COURSE IT’S NOT WEIRD, BECAUSE EZEKIEL AND ELIAS HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THE SAME PERSON.

Ahem. Excuse me.

The last time we saw Elias in person, and not with a fake beard glued to his face so he could be Photoshopped into a picture or green-screened into a video with his “brother”, was more than a year ago. He lost a feud with Jaxson Ryker (which, all jokes aside, would understandably make a man snap and pretend to be his own sibling for a while), then appeared in a series of videos where he burned his guitar and teased the end of his character. Then he returned as Ezekiel on the Raw after WrestleMania 38.

Now he’s coming back.

Still want to walk with Elias? I do — right after he admits to the lies he told this summer.

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