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Hulk Hogan’s delusional, but Ali knows how to straighten him out

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Hopefully, now that our latest Legends Night is behind us, Hulk Hogan can go back to his life as a Florida restauranteur or whatever he does with that Gawker money.

But before he, Jimmy Hart and the hPhone graced us with their presence on Raw last night (Jan. 4), the Hulkster was running wild on the interview circuit. That meant lots of self-aggrandizing quotes and sound bites, including these two that are so out there they better be ribs.

First, Hogan is surprised he isn’t welcomed with open arms backstage at WWE, and he thinks it’s because, well, here’s the quote he gave ESPN:

“It’s a mixed bag. Some people I get a really warm reception from. Some of the younger guys are really cold to me, like I’m coming to steal the main event. And I’m like, ‘I can’t do this anymore, guys! I’m not a threat!’”

Or, maybe they do know? As Big Swole tweeted in response to a headline about this part of the quote, “Nah, I don’t think that’s it Terry.”

What’s HH’s theory? The youngsters just don’t know how big a star he was!

“When I’ve gone back before by myself, there have been certain wrestlers, like Edge and Seth Rollins, that have told me to my face that the only reason they got into this business was because of me. The newer kids ... I don’t think they know who I am all the way?

“The wake-up call that really got me was with ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin. We weren’t really close at all, but over the last few years have become good friends. It caught me off guard when he called me one day, and we’re chatting about cars or something and all of a sudden he goes, ‘Damn, Hogan. I was on the internet the other day and I can’t believe all the stuff you did in your career!’ When Stone Cold didn’t realize that I did “The Love Boat” and Johnny Carson, then I understood why the young people didn’t know.”

Maybe if WWE did a big documentary profiling his career, a la The Last Ride, then these newcomers would know how big a big deal you were? Hulk isn’t ready to sign on to that yet, see, because...

“There’s still more business to be done with me even though I’m not actually wrestling anymore. I don’t know how to approach that as far as timing goes. It could only be done by the WWE because they’re the only ones that could do it correctly and give it justice. Hopefully, down the road there’ll be a spot to do it that way.”

Even if we accept the premise that there is in fact “still more business” for WWE and Hogan to do within kayfabe, wouldn’t that mean that he is kind of coming for somebody’s spot? Mustafa Ali already can’t get television time on Legends Night. How would he get minutes if Hulk was actually back for a storyline?

As MACE says, “D̈O̱̥̪ͯ͐̚ ̍I̩̰͈ͪ͊ͬT̯̥͙ ̼Cͦ̽͂O̹̼WA̻̾͛ͅR͍̭͙D̙͛S”.