WWE SmackDown comes waltzing back into our lives tonight (Mar. 27, 2020) with a show moved to the WWE Performance Center in Orlando due to the ongoing coronavirus pandemic. There won’t be any fans in attendance, but we will see the return of Bray Wyatt’s Firefly Fun House. The announced matches for tonight include the Usos vs. New Day, Alexa Bliss vs. Asuka, and Drew Gulak vs. Shinsuke Nakamura.
Come right back here at 8 p.m. ET when the SmackDown live blog kicks off once the show starts on Fox. It will be below this line here. (REMINDER: NO GIFS OR PICS ARE ALLOWED IN THE COMMENTS SECTION. OFFENDERS WILL BE BANNED.)
WWE SMACKDOWN RESULTS AND LIVE BLOG FOR MAR. 27
To the sound of the monstrance clock, air is cleansed, assembled flock. Black candles burn, all minds aligned. As the parish sighs in smoke, enters the lady revealed of cloak to the haunting sound of the monstrance clock, singing “Come together, together as a one,” but me, I’m just here to liveblog this here pro wrestling show.
The show opens into the intro video.
Commentary hypes up today’s show.
Bayley and Sasha Banks make their entrance.
Bayley gets on the mic and talks about how WrestleMania is coming up, and Banks says it’s supposed to be a magical time when anything could happen, and Bayley adds that this year, WrestleMania is a nightmare. And why? Because of Paige. Sad, pathetic, irrelevant Paige, who Bayley conjectures is jealous. How is a five-way eliminator fair? It’s not, Banks says.
The champ continues kvetching, asking if Paige thinks she’s slick for putting Sasha in the match like it’s gonna cause a rift. They’re better together, like peanut butter and jelly, right? Banks hesitates a long beat—
Enter Lacey Evans.
She says Bayley’s mouth is about as big as her hat is (and it’s a fair-sized hat), and her little friend here can barely get a word in. Bayley gives her a word, loser, and Sasha tells her to go preach to somebody who’ll listen, like her bratty little kid. Lacey says Bayley is right, WrestleMania will be a nightmare for both of them. She intends to break Sasha’s jaw and teach the champion some manners by taking the title—
She says she’s with Evans, at least until they handle these two. We all know the mess Bayley pulled at Super Showdown and the two of them have unfinished business. She says it’s gonna be a bonus when she snatches that blue wig off Sasha’s head. They banter back and forth—
She says actions speak louder than words and headbutts Naomi! Superkick for Lacey! Sasha and Bayley start beating Naomi down but Snuka stands behind them, and when they turn around she stares them down until they leave the ring, begging off.
Commentary hypes up Drew Gulak vs. Shinsuke Nakamura and we go to break.
Drew Gulak vs. Shinsuke Nakamura
Nakamura with a front chancery early, into falling knee strikes to the neck, knee drops, stomping on his neck. Gulak rises to his feet, Shinsuke backs him into the corner, knee strike, whip across, but Drew cuts him off with a dropkick! Right hands, kicks to the midsection, stomps, Cesaro pulls his buddy to safety! To the apron, Nakamura with a legsweep and then kicks against the announce table!
Back inside, dragon screw leg whip, another one, Gulak putting the boots to him but Shinsuke gets away and hits a Kinshasa off the second rope! Guillotine choke, staggering him, going for Kinshasa... BRYAN PULLS GULAK INTO THE ROPES! Drew thinks fast...
Drew Gulak wins by pinfall with a bridging jackknife pin, earning Daniel Bryan a shot at Sami Zayn’s Intercontinental Championship at WrestleMania.
Commentary hypes up the return of Firefly Fun House and we go to break.
Back from commercial, we get a recap of what we just saw because... times are tough and I guess we gotta pad these bad boys out however we can.
A recap of the Dolph Ziggler / Otis Dozovic stuff from last week follows.
Backstage, we see Dolph Ziggler talking to someone on the phone and we get one of those weird static break-throughs.
Heavy Machinery roll up with referees and 5-time NWA World Heavyweight Champion Adam Peace holding them back. Dolph jaws at Otis and challenges him to a match at WrestleMania.
Elias is off on a balcony somewhere with his guitar.
He thanks us for inviting him into his life and says he has a song for Baron Corbin ahead of their WrestleMania match. It’s entitled Kingdom of Fools, and he plays it for us. Of course, it’s about how Corbin has no chance of winning and he is a turd. Elias thanks the “capacity crowd”—
AND CORBIN BLINDSIDES HIM! Beating him down, he forces Elias over the railing and the Drifter barely pulls himself back up... AND BARON KNOCKS HIM OFF THE BALCONY AND TO THE FLOOR! Pearce and the referees rush in to check on him and we go to break.
Back from commercial, again we get a recap of the thing we just saw.
Michael Cole informs us that Elias has been taking to a local medical facility.
Nikki Cross joins the commentary booth, hugging Michael Cole and sitting on the table.
Alexa Bliss vs. Asuka
Bliss ducks a lariat and taunts, circling, go-behind, Asuka reverses and Alexa catches her with a hard forearm. Asuka wants more and Bliss fires forearm after forearm! Off the ropes, duck a lariat, big dropkick, only two! Alexa with a side headlock, shot off, shoulder block, Asuka taunts Nikki Cross, gets whipped into the corner and popped with a right hand that drops her to the floor!
Bliss taunts right back, Asuka gets up on the apron and Alexa drops her with a kick to the ribs. Off the ropes, Asuka pulls her out to the floor and throws her into the steel steps to send us to break.
Back from commercial, Asuka is in control with a kneeling armbar, Bliss cheering from the table and she gets free but immediately has to turtle up as the Empress lays strikes in. Off the ropes, running hip attack sidestepped and Alexa nails her with a kick from the apron! Trading forearms on the apron, rolling solebutt from Asuka, front chancery but Bliss reverses into an arm wringer that jacks Asuka’s shoulder up!
Back inside, Asuka barely bridges out of a pin! Arm drag and twist, basement dropkick, pass her into the corner! Lariat, right hands, basement dropkick, fired up, Alexa shaking the pain out of the bad arm, but the moonsault part of Insault to Injury misses! Asuka to the floor, Bliss giving chase, pulling her off the apron and ramming her back first into it after!
Back inside, pressing the attack but Asuka reverses to the Asuka Lock! Bliss rams her into the corner, snapmare, roll through...
Alexa Bliss wins by pinfall with the snap DDT.
The Usos are hanging out backstage.
They say that it wouldn’t be the Road to WrestleMania if they weren’t battling it out with the New Day, so tonight it’s on lockdown, and whether it’s beef or truce, New Day know they have the juice.
And so we go to break.
Back from commercial, commentary hypes up Goldberg vs. Roman Reigns, a match that is definitely not happening.
A replay of Roman Reigns vs. Triple H from a couple years ago follows.
See y’all again when we have new content, folks!
Hey, new content!
Triple H is interviewed about the Goldberg vs. Roman Reigns match that is definitely not happening.
He says they’re both intense, but Roman’s intensity builds whereas Goldberg is as intense now as he ever will be, and that makes a difference as the match, which is definitely not happenning, goes on.
New Day cut a promo backstage.
They say tonight is special because it’s a chance to go to WrestleMania. It’s always a battle for the ages against the Usos, and they intend to become tag champs.
A brand new episode of Firefly Fun House is up next, after the break.
Back from commercial, Dolph Ziggler is chatting with Sonya Deville when Mandy Rose rolls up.
She asks to speak to Dolph alone and asks him why he’s doing this to Otis.
He admits he messed up rubbing it in his face with the photos, and she says they can fight, but she refuses to let them fight over her. Ziggler says he’s gonna win and takes her off for champagne.
Firefly Fun House time!
Bray Wyatt turns around and greets us before saying he’s going to teach us all about— cut to the lantern making weird noises. He yells for it to shut up a few times before saying he had his chance and fialed against John Cena, but He won’t. Abby calls him delusional and asks if he suddenly has the secret recipe to beat John, and he does!
One scoop disappointment, a little bit of self loathing, some hot sauce (for flavor!), and then a heaping helping of rage and resentment all go in the blender. Rambling Rabbit offers a carrot so he can see Cena, but Bray says he needed some irrelevant and unnecessary opinions, and Rabbit goes in the blender... and he blends Rambling Rabbit!
Cut to Bray holding a pitcher of orange liquid, which he sips from and says it went straight to his head. Cue the idea light bulb! Wyatt says a big star like John Cena deserves more than an ordinary match, and in fact He wants Cena to step into their world of madness and mayhem where anything goes and the fun never ends, so He is officially challenging John to a Firefly Fun House match at WrestleMania.
It tastes great, but there’s one nasty side effect... The Fiend flashes on the screen a few times and we cut away.
The Miz and John Morrison make their entrances and get on commentary for our main event, which is up next, after the break.
Back from commercial, we’re promised a face-to-face next week between Goldberg and Roman Reigns for a match that is definitely not happening.
Also John Cena will respond to Bray Wyatt.
New Day (Big E & Kofi Kingston) vs. the Usos (Jimmy & Jey Uso) (WWE SmackDown Tag Team Championship #1 Contender’s Match)
Kingston and Jimmy to start, side headlock takeover from Uso, Kofi posts to his feet, shoots him off, and eats the shoulder block. Off the ropes, drop down, leapfrog, leapfrog, Jimmy catches the backsplash but Kingston lands on his feet! Monkey flip out of the corner, Uso catches a dropkick and turns it into a catapult but Kofi turns THAT into a springoard dropkick!
Usos regrouping on the floor, return to the ring and a tag to Jey. Big E legal now also, circling, collar and elbow, go-behind, E hosses out of it and throws him into the corner! Circling, collar and elbow again, Uso with a wristlock, going for a whip but Big stands firm and blocks! Whip, slide low, big slicing right, off the ropes but E nails him with an elbow.
Tag to Kingston, off the ropes, leapfrog senton for two! Usos with a Hot Shot and the cover... NOPE! Big chops, into the corner, Kofi catches a kick and slips through for the tag! Overhead belly-to-belly suplexes, taking Jey to the apron for clubbing overhands to the chest and the big splash on the apron sends us to break!
Back from commercial, E off the ropes but both Usos are there and spike him with a double-team spinebuster! Jey has him lined up, calling for it, Ode to Rikishi! Tag to Jimmy, also calling for it, but Big wakes up and jacks him up with the huge Rock Bottom! Tags made, Kofi in hot with a diving lariat and chops, dropkick, off the ropes, leaping lariat!
Boom Drop, calling for it, Trouble in Paradise ducked and Jey lands a kick. Whip to the corner, diving headscissors from Kingston! Charging in, Jey with a leg pick into a half-crab! Kofi rolls through and kicks out of it, SOS... STILL NO! Miz and Morrison doing “Fight forever!” chants, jockeying for position, tag to Big. Powerbomb lift but Uso ducks the double stomp!
Superkick staggers E, another one drops him, cover for two! Double-team chops in the corner, the Usos set him up top but Big shoves ‘em down! Step-up enzuigiri sends E cascading to the floor, off the ropes but Kingston trips them up and the Usos have to bring him in. Throw him over the ropes on the far side, he low bridges both of them, off the ropes... TRUST FALL SENTON!
Kofi trips Morrison atop the announce table and Jey throws a suicide dive on Miz! E with the suicide spear through the ropes and all six men are down and out on the floor! Miz and Morrison attack Big E from behind...
The match goes to a no-contest per Michael Cole’s statement on commentary.
Miz and Morrison beat all four men up in the ring.
Cole has breaking news from WWE officials. Miz and Morrison won’t have to face either New Day or the Usos at WrestleMania, rather they’ll defend the titles in a triple threat ladder match against both teams! New Day are up and they hit Midnight Hour on Morrison!
That’s the show, folks.