Did I just want to flex my alliteration muscles? You betcha.
But it’s also my duty as a blogger, aggregator and #content creator to share with you Elias’ update following his kayfabe electrocution during the Symphony of Destruction match with Jeff Hardy last Monday on Raw.
The Drifter wants us to know he’s okay - and that he defied doctor’s expectations by regaining the use of his hands! He might also be teasing some sort of a gimmick tweak, too? Speculating about those are always fun, right?
“Hello I am Elias and I would like to take this time to talk about the horrific electrocution this past week on Monday Night Raw. Many of you loyal fans and Universal Truthsters out there that have sent me nothing but love, and I appreciate every one of you.
“And for those of you who said, ‘Elias deserves it,’ I just have to say, ‘Screw You.’ The doctors told me that kind of voltage could have killed an average man. But I’m no average man, and that’s why they call me The Extraordinary Elias.
“The doctors also told me that I may no longer be able to play the guitar again. Despite all those odds and thanks to modern medicine, I have gained full function in my hands. And when I was electrocuted, something in Elias did change.
“And on top of that, I have seen visions and I know the purpose of my life. And now that I have that knowledge, I will be sharing my gift with all of you.”
There were some concerns Elias had suffered a legitimate injury in his violent blow-off match with Hardy on Nov. 30, but those should have been put to rest after he worked Tribute to the Troops over the weekend.
Does he have some surprises in store for us on tonight’s show?