Kevin Owens started the show by calling Roman Reigns a coward, and that that is what his family must see in him too.
Well sheesh, man. Below the belt. Savage.
(No, not really. Roman Reigns is an evil cowardly jerk.)
Paul Heyman appeared on the tron and said Owens is a masochist and a martyr, willing to do whatever it takes to win the Universal Championship. Because of this, he needs to be eradicated. Owens went to go find Reigns, and Reigns went another way around the arena and went out to the ring.
Then an incensed Owens just tood in the back where Heyman was standing watching Reigns talk on the monitor. A bit strange.
Reigns said he’s on his “The Guy” ish and he wants Owens to call him the Tribal Chief and the head of his family’s table (titled my recap of this feud that very thing last week!) and Owens came out and Jey Uso attacked him. Reigns joined in, and then later, told Jey to put Owens down for good. So Jey smashed a chair against Owens’ back as Adam Pearce and a referee were helping him walk through a hallway.
A doctor was checking on Owens in a room, and then Jey attacked him AGAIN and put him through a table. Reigns came out later and berated Owens for not giving in and Owens came out again because you can’t kill this dude.
So Jey and Roman buried him in tables, ladders, and chairs. Buried him. Put him through two of those tables, too!
And after all that, Kevin Freakin’ Owens climbed out from the rubble, sat in a chair, and said he’s going to die trying to get the Universal Championship back.
Wheeeeew. Kevin Owens is one of my favorite people on Earth, and I have been injected with adrenaline. I was a little concerned at how the next feud after the excellent stuff with Jey would go, but my concerns have disappeared.
This match is going to be violent. Delicious violence. Let’s goooooo!
Run it back
Sasha’s gonna have to fight her true instincts to go wild and tear her apart, and she can’t win that fight. Sasha has been holding her title longer than she ever has before, but she can’t handle pressure. Carmella chose to have champagne and her sommelier was about to deliver it to her, but Sasha’s music hit and he went to the ramp to interfere.
She snuck attack from behind and the dude tried again to pull her away, and she again attacked her, and Carmella again smashed a bottle on her back.
All of this is fine. I really have enjoyed the dynamic here for the most part, and Carmella’s been doing some of her best promo work.
It’s just… you know like I can’t help but think that the real life version of this would have Sasha looking way better. I’m imagining Carmella in a cloud thinking her life is better than everyone, especially Sasha, and then Sasha comes out laughing her ass off as every scene she’s in on The Mandalorian plays on the tron while a huge Disney+ graphic flashes over it.
What’s worse, I really can’t stand the stupid babyface syndrome stuff, especially when it happens to the same person back to back. She did the exact same thing last week! So did the sommelier! So did Carmella! Why run back the same exact thing and not have Sasha look smarter? Come on.
The Sami Awards - This. Was. Awesome.
A video package played and showed us all of the times that Zayn used the noggin to get himself wins in all of his latest matches. He first presented the award for “Best Comeback of the Year” and the winner - Sami Zayn! The second award was for “Best Match of the Year”. The winner - Sami Zayn! And finally for “Superstar of the Year”, the winner - Sami Za… uh… Big E!
Big E came out to happily accept the award (which he fixed for himself before this segment) and thanked his Mom. So wholesome. Zayn tried interrupting but each time, E shoved him to the side. Zayn shoved him off the mic and said there was a mistake, and then E attacked him and smashed his Sami Award. I loved all of this. Let’s get that Intercontinental Championship on a new waist.
Bayley defeated Bianca Belair - Y’all. What the hell? All Bayley has been doing is losing, and Bianca had a win streak (excluding Survivor Series of course) and we had to have this? This is so typical WWE. Bayley lost to Natalya recently. NATALYA! And Bianca won pinning Natalya a few weeks back. Yes it wasn’t a clean loss, but raking the eyes shouldn’t incapacitate someone. It’s so much easier to just build this better. They’re going to run this back again and Bianca will win. WWE doesn’t have to be lazy. You don’t have to accept the shit lazy booking from them. I won’t!
Give me all the Billie Kay segments please (Riott Squad defeated Billie Kay and Tamina) - please give me this all the time. This is how Billie Kay should be booked. She finds a new partner, the partner does most of the work, she tags in and then loses, the partner gets upset at her and she has to find someone else. Yay for a Riott Squad win! But yeah please more of this.
Otis defeated Shinsuke Nakamura - Shinsuke Nakamura has had quite a fall from grace, but I don’t think that Nakamura is the Nakamura of old anymore. Well I don’t think, I know. It’s obvious. Otis won here by doing a different move thanks to guidance from Chad Gable - a suplex and Vader Bomb. Then Gable told him that he shouldn’t have done the move that he told him to do. This is starting to get a little weird so I hope we get some clarification on where this is going soon.
Street Profits defeated Dolph Ziggler and Bobby Roode - So, let’s be real. The match was fine. It was so generic because it’s everything that Ziggler, Roode, Dawkins, and Ford have done with each other for the past few weeks. Ziggler and Roode cheat to try and win, Tez plays the babyface in peril, Dawkins gets the hot tag, Tez does extremely insane high flying frog splash and that either gets the win, or gets broken up. K. Cool. The most interesting part was after the match when the heels were whining and Charles Robinson got up in their faces and yelled that if they kept it up they’d be suspended.
That was the most interesting part about all of this. Running things back is WWE’s motus operandi, as we discussed a few times in this recap.
Alright, y’all. SmackDown is the Roman Reigns show and that’s been very much established. It’s a good thing, but also a bad thing, because WWE can do really great and amazing things when they want to. They just… don’t. Like, come on guys. A couple of good things get sprinkled in, but make these shows as a whole more exciting. Especially Raw. My god.
What are your predictions for TLC, Cagesiders?