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WWE SmackDown results, recap, reactions (Jan. 3, 2020): Not Paranoia

Let this be your warning: When you’re pulling out the wet dog food and cuffing a big burly dude to a wrestling ring, and you’re wondering why the hair is standing up on the back of your neck a shiver’s crawling down your spine?

It’s not paranoia; it’s the Usos.

So! Jimmy and Jey are finally back on television, and they showed up to make the save in SmackDown’s main event, which featured two separate storylines unfolding. Daniel Bryan and Roman Reigns teamed up to fight off Dolph Ziggler and Baron Corbin. The babyfaces were fully in command when the Fiend dropped in to fight Bryan.

Bryan showed no fear in confronting the Fiend, but he didn’t really make any headway in taking him down. Wyatt threw him through a barricade and used the Mandible Claw to put him away for good.

I really dislike the red light at this point - reiterating my lightbulb idea here, WWE - and this felt a little...disjointed, especially once the Fiend teleported away and Reigns was immediately walking over to check on Bryan.

You telling me you couldn’t have helped at all, Roman? Besides that, this was totally fine. It gives Bryan a journey moving forward to try to figure out how to best the Fiend.

But that left the two goobers Ziggler and Corbin who pounced on Reigns and tried to cuff him to the ring again for a dog food redeux. Luckily, the Usos jumped the duo and made sure we didn’t have to see that again.

About time, fellas! Reigns and the Usos have always had great reactions together and WWE seems to have finally calmed down on giving Corbin a microphone at every single turn, so this could be really fun. Corbin doesn’t seem like the sort to ever work at a man disadvantage though, does he? I’d imagine he’ll be adding to his little group.

The Miz is reverting as well

It’s taken a few weeks, but it seems that we can add another name to the list of men who’ve taken a turn to their past after running into Bray Wyatt: The Miz.

Miz was backstage to start the show, and he was visibly frustrated and angry from what Wyatt’s done to his family. He’s dead set on revenge against Wyatt, but he also admitted that he’s at a loss on what to do in the meantime while Bryan’s #1 Contender.

Later in the show, he rolled up on the New Day, who were their usual cheery selves and wishing Miz a happy new year. When Miz wasn’t willing to match their cheerfulness, however, Kofi Kingston took the time to list out all the wonderful things that’ve happened for Miz in the previous decade. After all, the man’s main evented WrestleMania, married Maryse, had two daughters, won the most championships in WWE during that span, and also stars in his own television series.

Not bad at all, man.

However, that list rubbed Miz the wrong way and a little bit of the jealous, petty Miz of the past bled through. When Big E mentioned that Kofi was tied in title victories with Miz during that time, Miz took it as a personal affront. He slapped the pancakes out of Kofi’s hands and demanded a match. Kofi was happy to give it to him.

I really love how the match was set up. Miz clearly has issues he needs to work through, and Kofi saw this as a chance to help a friend in need. His hope was clearly that some healthy competition would help to clear Miz’s head...but then the Miz lost.

He attacked Kofi after the bell and stormed off. And when Cathy Kelly tried to track him down in the locker room, John Morrison of all people opened the door. Yes, that John Morrison. Screw 2020 - we’re going back to 2008, folks!

The Miz is consistently one of the best people in WWE at telling stories. Props to you, man.

The Rest

Dana Brooke & Lacey Evans def. Sasha Banks and Bayley, Criss Cross Applesause - Yes, I’m using that tag name for Bliss and Cross. No, you can’t stop me.

Also, Brooke almost murdered Banks with that senton to end the match. I didn’t make this a featured part of the review because I’m not sure how this progressed the story. But beyond that, the match was fun.

Chad Gable def. Dash Wilder - This man Chad Gable said “rise over size” on national television. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The match was good, though, and was the first of a trend of fun lower card matches on this show. I really enjoyed how we got some new interactions and matches.

Sheamus makes return, kicks the rise out of Gable - As soon as Sheamus’ music hit, this felt inevitable. If WWE can steer clear of all the short stuff and the material that McIntyre wore out in 2019, this could be good.


Despite that idiocy, I love Gulak’s powerpoints. I yearn for the day where WWE has the guts to have him actually give a 100-slide powerpoint presentation.

Do it, you cowards.

Braun Strowman def. Cesaro - I was really hoping that this match would be a surprise where Cesaro just goes full superman, you know? He was clearly going to lose, but it would have been much more impactful if he’d hit some of the gnarly offense that he’s capable of. As it was, Strowman fought off the outside interference to get the win, but Nakamura nailed him with a Kinshasa on the way out.

Fun show! Lots of enjoyable lower card stuff and nothing that was offensively stupid. I want more from the women’s division, though, as well as the Nakamura/Strowman feud.

Grade: B+

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