Hello friends, are you fiending for merch related to The Fiend, the latest incarnation of Bray Wyatt? Well, WWE thinks you are (it’s probably got numbers to back this up) so let’s do a dive into the latest batch of fresh heck that markets the characters of the Firefly Funhouse.
Oh, and you’ll see I didn’t include The Firefly Funhouse box set? Yes, sadly, I didn’t get to order it fast enough and missed out and so, we’re gonna wait ‘til they restock it.
If I saw these in real life
So, one of the big issues I have with some of the latest batch of Fiend/Firefly Funhouse merch is its ... inauthenticity. You’ll see below. But the Bray Wyatt “Heal & Hurt” Gloves ... don’t have that problem.
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As you see here, they look like the gloves in the debut episode of the Firefly Funhouse:
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And while they’re probably not of the same high quality, I wouldn’t expect that for $20.
The big problem, though, is that they’re just insanely creepy. This is definitely one accessory you don’t want to rock in public, even at a wrestling show, unless it’s Halloween.
Rating: 4 out of 5 YIKES — They look accurate, sure, but ... yowie wowie.
His best new shirt yet
Previous editions of this column have spent plenty of paragraphs ripping into Bray’s latest shirts. That’s not the case here, though, as this ‘mineral wash’ tee is everything a Fiend shirt should be.
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The creepy message, no back motto, and a design that feels like it belongs on ICP merch. Perfect for The Fiend.
Rating: 5 out of 5 Tees — Nailed it.
Buy the latest face of fear
So, WWE’s also selling Fiend masks, and this is where I think they could have done a better job to replicate the original. Specifically in its creepy teeth.
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Like, let’s compare it to the actual Fiend mask, below. The gashes at the temples of the replica could be bigger, but my two issues with this novelty item are the uniformity of its nose and the whiteness of its teeth. You might not notice the nose of the mask during segments, but look how it’s stretched and uneven here.
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Also, check out those creepy yellowed teeth. By comparison, the chompers in WWE’s mask looks more like something out of dental school.
Overall, though, good job WWE.
Rating: 3.75 out of 5 WTFs — At this price, I’d love it to be more true to the original.
A Ramblin’ Rabbit you won’t want to tear up
Okay, it’s puppet time. Let’s start with the best attempt: Ramblin’ Rabbit. This win comes from the fact that its fabric body looks authentic enough to distract you from the fact that they used fabric for his head, instead of the rubber or clay they used for the actual puppet.
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Even the scarf is “good enough.”
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Rating: 4 out of 5 puppets — a job well done
Have Mercy?
Unfortunately, Mercy the Buzzard didn’t get as good a treatment. Its cloth base looks just like a template for the actual design, and doesn’t remind us at all of the floral button up shirts that Bray used to wear (which is where it all derives from).
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On top of that, the head of this puppet is so far off from the original, losing the texture and trading actual teeth for fabric teeth.
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Rating: 2.5 out of 5 WTFs — Should have stayed in the box
This is NOT “good shit”
And here we get to the saddest entry, as it’s the puppet that would have been the best to own. Look at the WWE Shop version of the “Boss” puppet, which is supposed to represent Vince.
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And then see how the actual puppet seems to be a much more elaborate and interesting and different-looking design. Just look at the hair and the horns and the suit ...
If WWE did better, they could have actually charged a lot more. Alas.
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Rating: 2 out of 5 WTFs — being disappointed in Vince isn’t new, is it?
Stay tuned for later this week for an All ALL OUT edition of Merch Watch!
What do you think of these selections and ratings? Any great or especially horrible designs you’ve seen of late you want to discuss with the class? Comment away below, Cagesiders!