WWE SmackDown (July 9, 2019) – Abridged

discount Marvel movie intro, then/now/whatever

earlier in some parkin lot

KAYLA: hey Dolph, KO was your partner last week, how bout that

DOLPH: nah

KO: imma carhonk

DOLPH: don’t

KO: lemme guess, shoulda been you

DOLPH: have beatemups

KO: likewise

SHANE: very nah, leave KO

now backstage

SARAH: hey Shane, canceled tonite’s Dolph/KO fight, how bout that

SHANE: yep, beatemups got consequences now, imma make a new fight

now at the ring

KO: still here, very mad, Shane sucks in general

suddenly SHANE

SHANE: cut his mic

KO: ooh a new one, ya still suck

SHANE: cut that one

KO: ooh Byron’s headset, ya still still suck

SHANE: gettin security

SECURITY: hey KO maybe don’t

KO: k bye

here’s FINN’s fightin SHIN

SHIN: here’s elbowbonks

FINN: facekick

SHIN: have a corner

FINN: cool imma face in peril

SHIN: k

FINN does til

FINN: time to zoomyrally

SHIN: have a corner, also rope based offense

FINN: k but slingblade, coup de-

SHIN: nah, jumpyknee, postwhams, have the floor, kinshasa

REF: 9

FINN: back in ring

SHIN: nah have the floor again, also stairs

REF: 9

FINN: back in ring

SHIN: kinshasa pin

FINN: k

meanwhile backstage

SHANE: so Cedric did things last nite

DREW: imma kill him later, totally winnin at Xtreme

ELIAS: and imma sing stuff later

DOLPH: sup Shane, not happy

SHANE: cool ya fightin Roman later, we’ll back ya up

also backstage

JOE: last week Kofi gave me a bird, imma beat him at Xtreme

here’s KAYLA

KAYLA: here’s Nikki and Bayley, signin time

here they in fact are

KAYLA: hey Bayley, ya beatemuped Nikki last nite, how bout that

BAYLEY: tryna help her see Bliss ain’t great

NIKKI: but ya beatemuped me tho

BAYLEY: ya sure ya like helpin Bliss win

NIKKI: very yep

BAYLEY: cool, imma win at Xtreme, signin now

NIKKI: Bliss’s my friend, yours left, Bliss told me we’re gonna co-champ, signin now

BAYLEY: can we fight now

NIKKI: nah imma fight Mella

BAYLEY: but muh contract signin

so NIKKI’s fightin MELLA til

NIKKI: spinnin neckbreaker pin

MELLA: k

BAYLEY: so can we fight NOW

NIKKI: still nah

meanwhile backstage

PAIGE: sup IIconics, Kabukis fightin ya tonite

PEYTON: can’t, Billie’s got mad cow bird flu

PAIGE: ya both suck, have faceslaps, Kabukis fightin ya later

SARAH: hey Roman, ya fightin Dolph tonite, how bout that

ROMAN: still overcomin things

here’s NEW DAY talkin bout tag stuff

XAVIER: fightin Bryan and Otis tonite, fightin Planetchamps and Heavies at Xtreme

E: thought it was another three person thing tho

BEAR: how

suddenly PLANETCHAMPS

BRYAN: New Day sucks, gave em beatemups, still jokin

XAVIER: shut up, Rowan should talk, can’t tell who his dad is

ROWAN: why thou foul poltroon

BRYAN: yall ignorant, stop jokin, Heavies suck too, just like New Day

suddenly HEAVIES

TUCKER: beat yall at Stompyground tho

OTIS: blue collar solid and such

TUCKER: yep, also beatin New Day

OTIS: imma gyrate

E: eh

now they’re fightin

BRYAN: takin a floor

XAVIER: cool imma grap Otis

OTIS: but I am very big

BRYAN: back in ring

OTIS: still very big

XAVIER: yep can’t lift im

BRYAN: imma help

OTIS: nah double suplex, have beef

ROWAN: mayhap I shall interfere

E, TUCKER: better not, have a table

REF: cool everyone leaves, restartin

general beatemups ensue til

XAVIER: top rope jump pin

BRYAN: nah, labell lock

OTIS: nah

BRYAN: yes kicks to ya then

OTIS: but I am very big

XAVIER: facekick to ya then

OTIS: do I hafta repeat myself

moar beatemups til

OTIS: slam pin

XAVIER: k

meanwhile backstage

FIREDESIRE: want fruits, btw Ember ya suck

EMBER: beat Mandy last week tho

FIREDESIRE: tag fight us next week then

EMBER: cool imma find someone maybe

meanwhile on a street

ALI: was a policeman, know bout evil, if ya facin it ya should fight it

TOM: hey Black, dude was doorknockin, ya fightin whoever at Xtreme, how bout that

BLACK: don’t care

CESARO: it me, let’s fight

BLACK: oh yes plz

SARAH: hey Sheldon, Dolph’s fightin Roman, how bout that

SHELDON: imma do eye stuff

KAYLA: hey Kofi, ya gave Joe a bird, how bout that

KOFI: not scared, in his head now, imma win at Xtreme

here’s ROMAN fightin DOLPH, also a heel dad with money and DREW and ELIAS are there

DOLPH: imma grab ya leg

ROMAN: fun, have a corner

DOLPH: have a push

ROMAN: can I overcome things now

DOLPH: at least gimme a sec

ROMAN: fine

DOLPH: really

ROMAN: pshh nah facepunch, have a floor, driveby

DREW: have a post

REF: missed that

ROMAN: ya always do

DOLPH: pin

ROMAN: hahahahahahahaha nah

DOLPH: rest holds then

ROMAN: I will allow this

he does til

ROMAN: samoan drop, cornerbonks, facekick

ELIAS: imma distract ya

ROMAN: superman punch

DOLPH: zig zag pin

ROMAN: nah, superman punch pin

DOLPH: nah

DREW: and he’s done

ROMAN: cool imma dive

SHANE: very nah

DOLPH: also superkick

ROMAN: aww

KO: surprise, stunnerin Shane

ROMAN: spear pin

DOLPH: k

ROMAN overcomes things