WWE Raw (July 8, 2019) – Abridged

discount Marvel movie intro, then/now/whatever

here’s SETHMAN, fightin ANDREGA limination style cause reasons

COLE: this is a very important matchup

BEAR: if ya say so

THE MAN: cool imma start, have slams

VEGA: imma tag

THE MAN: nah

VEGA: slap then

THE MAN: also nah

VEGA: facekick, ddt, backkick, have a corner, ropeygraps

THE MAN: much better

ANDRADE: tag

THE MAN: aww

SETH: tag, imma grap ya arm

ANDRADE: same deal

SETH: wanna zoomyflip for a bit

ANDRADE: was already gonna

SETH: slingblade, have the floor, imma dive x2

THE MAN: tag, bexploder, disarmher

VEGA: tap

REF: women’s liminated

LACEY: sup, in the crowd slowclappin

THE MAN: welp it’s punchytime

SETH: maybe don’t

THE MAN: imma fight Andrade then

SETH: also maybe don’t

VINCE: what he said

ANDRADE: wouldja face in peril

SETH: for like two secs

he does til

SETH: choppyrally, knee to face pin

ANDRADE: nah

SETH: top rope then

ANDRADE: push

VEGA: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand leg throw

THE MAN: oh no ya don’t

SETH: hey maybe don’t

ANDRADE: imma hit Seth

THE MAN: ow

ANDRADE: dang it

SETH: get in the ring

ANDRADE: get outta it

VEGA: leg throw again

SETH: hahahahahahahahaha nah

THE MAN: also face kick

VEGA: ow

THE MAN: stomp pin

ANDRADE: k

SETH: yay a win

BARON: surprise tho

SETH: ow

THE MAN: ya dead

LACEY: woman’s right

THE MAN: ow

then backstage

BARON: yay we did heel things

LACEY: we’re so evil

BARON: love stinks

LACEY: yep

suddenly a walrus

PAUL: Xtreme’s Sunday, Bork’s cashin then, or maybe not, who knows

BEAR: neat

meanwhile backstage

SHANE: sup garbage dude

DREW: Shane’s best in the world

SHANE: ya might team with Roman tonite

DREW: gotta go do stuff rn tho

now MIZUSOS fightin ELIAVIVAL 2 outta 3 style cause reasons, standard match ensues til

USO: pin uce

DAWSON: k

BEAR: yawn

COLE: it’s 24/7 belt time

BEAR: YAY

DRAKE: hey wife, been in Orlando, now in Newark, great honeymoon huh

WIFE: nah

DRAKE: wanna consummate things

WIFE: very nah

DRAKE: but promise imma take ya honeymoonin after this

WIFE: k fine

DRAKE: yay consummatin time

LOCKER ROOM: o hai Drake

DRAKE: run awayyy

WIFE: aww

also backstage

SHANE: hey beer dude, ya might team with Roman tonite

BEER DUDE: thanks

DREW: WITH FEELING

BEER DUDE: THANKS

SHANE: sure

here’s booyakas

REY: gave up the US belt, did rehabbin, back now, somebody fight me

suddenly BOB

BOB: it me

REY: cool imma zoom

BOB: but I am very big, pin

REY: k

BOB: not done tho

REY: aww

BOB murderdeathkills REY

BOB: imma murderdeathkill Braun at Xtreme too

meanwhile backstage

CHARLY: hey AJ, ya beat up Ricochet last week, how bout that

AJ: yep, bye

JOSE’s fightin CESARO

JOSE: totally got a chance

CESARO: sorry who are ya

general beatemups ensue til

CESARO: sharpshooter

JOSE: tap

meanwhile backstage

MONTEZ: Xtreme’s soon, WWE Network tho

ANGELO: yep

also backstage

MIKE: hey Maria, sorry bout last week, love ya

MARIA: love ya too

MIKE: aww

MARIA: also ice cream

MIKE: um

MARIA: and pickles

MIKE: oh

MARIA: get some

MIKE: gonna

COLE: Bayley and Nikki’s fightin clockbeatin style to pick Xtreme’s stip, hey Nikki, ya gotta win, how bout that

NIKKI: totally gotta for Bliss

BAYLEY: Bliss sucks tho

NIKKI: very nah

COLE: hey Bayley, your fightin Sarah and Nikki’s fightin Dana tonite, how bout that

BAYLEY: imma win

NIKKI: imma win too

meanwhile backstage

TRUTH: where’s Drake, prolly showin 24/7 belt scary movies, she hates those

MELLA: um

DRAKE: run awayyy

TRUTH: imma run the other way then

MELLA: um

here’s VIKES fightin JOBBERS

JOBBERS: welp

VIKES: yep

VIKES murderdeathkill JOBBERS

DRAKE: still runnin awayyy

TRUTH: ooh a ring

VIKES: hi

TRUTH: very nah, run awayy

meanwhile backstage

CHARLY: hey Roman, Shane’s pickin your partner, how bout that

ROMAN: imma still prolly overcome things

here’s RICOCHET

RICOCHET: AJ and Club bonked me a bunch last week, imma bonk em all tonite

suddenly CLUB and a dude with farmer strength

AJ: nah Luke’ll bonk ya

RICOCHET: nah imma zoom

LUKE: chokeslam

RICOCHET: ow

RICOCHET face in perils til

RICOCHET: rollypin

LUKE: k

AJ: now fight Karl

RICOCHET: k

so he does til

RICOCHET: 630 pin

KARL: k

AJ, LUKE: now have beatemups, stay down

RICOCHET: very nah

AJ, CLUB: more beatemups then

RICOCHET: very ow

meanwhile backstage

DRAKE: yay still champ

WIFE: can we go now

TRUTH: hi

DRAKE: run awayyy

TRUTH: imma chase ya, piggyback time ref

REF: whee

still backstage

SHANE: hey janitor named Gary, wanna make money

GARY: sure

SHANE: cool, your partnerin with Roman tonite, gonna get ya masked

GARY: neat

BAYLEY’s fightin SARAH clockbeatin style, she does til

BAYLEY: pin

SARAH: k

REF: 4:32

BAYLEY: dang

now NIKKI’s fightin DANA clockbeatin style, she does til

NIKKI: pin

DANA: k

REF: 1:50 left

NIKKI: yay, gimme mic, imma talk bout Bayley

BAYLEY: k

NIKKI: Xtreme stip’s handicap, imma help Bliss, Bayley needs friends

BAYLEY: faceslap, bayley to belly, top rope elbow

NIKKI: welp

meanwhile backstage

MIKE: got ice cream and pickles

MARIA: would ya impregger me

MIKE: very yep

MARIA: very nah, baby might not be yours

MIKE: um

MARIA: LOUD NOISES

BEAR: kinda hate this

COREY: hey The Man/Seth, what if Seth/The Man loses at Xtreme, how bout that

THE MAN: not losin

SETH: what she said

MONTEZ: Xtreme’s soon, WWE Network tho

ANGELO: yep

here’s a large dog, suddenly a heel dad with money and DREW

SHANE: Rome say the thing

ROME: BEST IN THE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORLD

SHANE: beat ya at ShowDown

DREW: ya got no respect

RODNEY: no respect at all

SHANE: Roman’s tag partner’s Gary, callin him goat cause joke

here’s GARY, he’s limpin

ROMAN: hold on imma overcome things

DREW: have a corner

ROMAN: ow

GARY: whoops touched ya

DREW: oh yes plz

SHANE: tag

GARY: cool imma zoomyflip

SHANE: UM

DREW: YES UM

GARY murderdeathkills SHANE and DREW til

DREW: claymore

SHANE: pin

GARY: k

ROMAN: facepunches all round

SHANE, DREW: run awayyy

GARY: btw actually Cedric

BEAR: aaaaaaaaaaaand almost awesome