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WWE Raw results, recap, reactions (June 10, 2019): Impartial

If you’re looking for a reason to watch Raw, it’s not for the stories. Goodness, it’s definitely not that.

No, it’s because you want some fun wrestling matches. And there’s no guy better at that than the Universal Champion Seth Rollins.

Rollins opened the show after a recap of his entire match at Super Showdown – which is pretty hilarious, actually. Now you REALLY don’t need to watch that abomination of a PPV. Hooray!

Rollins, however? He was on a roll. He claimed that the roster is essentially forced into an ultimatum with his as champ. They can either challenge him to a match and try to out-wrestle him – which no man alive is capable of doing – or try the crap Lesnar’s been doing and see where that gets him.

Well, looks like you’ve got a lot of guys going the Lesnar route. Corbin came out which immediately exhausted my patience, but then Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens appeared to give us our overarching storyline for the night.

Corbin gets to pick his ref for Stomping Grounds, so Zayn spent the night schmoozing towards Corbin and Shane McMahon. He’s angling to act as Corbin’s “impartial” referee in return for a favor to be paid at a later date, essentially.

To that end, we got Zayn acting as a secondary referee for this show’s main event of Owens vs. Rollins and he made haste in getting involved where he didn’t belong. He clambered into the ring to check on Owens when Rollins went to the top rope, and even disqualified the champ to end the match prematurely.

In response, Rollins did what he said he’d do to people who pulled the cute stuff Lesnar’s been trying; he beat Zayn to a pulp with a steel chair. I have no interest at all in seeing Corbin get a second match for a main title, but Zayn’s inclusion might make this more palatable.

Champs versus Challengers

I struggle with this Nikki Cross/Alexa Bliss dynamic so much.

On one hand, Nikki and Alexa are playing their roles perfectly and do such a great job pulling heartstrings. Alexa can seem so endearing at times, and despite the sudden rebrand for Nikki, she’s pulling off the character flawlessly. It makes sense why she’d gravitate towards Alexa.

On the other hand? NIKKI DO YOU NOT WATCH THE SHOW?!?!?!

Alexa Bliss has never...ever been genuine. Her go to move is the bait and switch. She does it in matches, on the microphone, and with every “friend” she’s ever had. And as much as I want to rant about that, I can also empathize with ignoring everything bad you’ve heard about a friend, especially when you are lonely and they’ve been kind to you.

So I guess I’ll just stew in this struggle and not object too much. They used Nikki to help Alexa and Lacey pick up the victory, which is pretty much the story when it comes to Alexa. She’s a threat to Bayley because she might have help. As for Lacey, they’re still trying to establish her on the main roster, so getting to show off her Woman’s Right makes sense as well.

But with that said...I feel like we need more from these feuds. They’re perfectly fine on paper, and what I’ve said so far is mostly complimentary, but they’re not the sort of feuds that I’m going out of my way to see. They’re standard fare, really. And we need more than standard fare when Game 5 of the NBA Finals is happening and everyone’s eager to criticize everything WWE does.

Now’s a time for home runs, not sacrifice bunts.

The Funhouse is still the best two minutes of the show

One week, we get the Macho Man Dance. The next, we get Wyatt murdering Rambling Rabbit (again!) and turning him into a breakfast spread.

I love it.

A few notable things: first, Wyatt jokingly threatened Mercy and Rambling Rabbit with “The Fiend” before saying that he’d let fate decide. He then held up both of his hands to his ears with his Hurt/Heal gloves on, and it seemed that “fate” is really him listening to the voices in his head. It’s random chance what happens at that point.

The rabbit also said that he didn’t feel safe and threatened to reveal what’s “really going on here” in the Funhouse. At that point Wyatt silenced him by grabbing him with the “Hurt” glove and smashing him with a sledgehammer.

Finally, the sign. “Abandon all hope ye who exit here” feels like another reference to this limbo-like state of Wyatt’s. I really enjoy the foreboding that message instills. It feels like Wyatt’s either blocking/compartmentalizing some portion of himself and struggling with his sanity. And that sounds like a really cool pro wrestling act to me.

The Rest

The Revival def. Curt Hawkins and Zack Ryder, The Usos – The big issue with champs like Hawkins and Ryder is that they were only interesting because they lost. The chase was all they had. And now the Revival are champions, but it didn’t really feel that important to me. And how could it? The champs weren’t exactly important.

Ricochet, Braun Strowman, and Miz def. Cesaro, Samoa Joe, and Bobby Lashley – The build to this match was contrived as hell, but I’m willing to forgive that when WWE gets out of their own way to let their talent do what they do best: wrestle.

The thing that sucks here is it seemed like Cesaro was in a massive amount of pain from taking Ricochet’s 630 senton. And that’s going to inevitably lead to the online discussions of Ricochet’s “safeness” as a performer because we’re on the internet and we can’t help ourselves.

He missed by like 6 inches on a double front flip, man. I don’t know what to say other than that I’d struggle to hit the target just falling from the turnbuckle, you know?

Lars Sullivan def. The Lucha House Party – I think this is the first time they’ve done something...different with Lars. He’s quickly gotten a schtick on the main roster, hasn’t he? And a schtick is the quickest route to the crowd losing interest in you.

So by pulling guys up on the three count, by going out of his way to be even more mean and cruel, it got the crowd reacting to him. That’s good. The issues with him, though, run far deeper than mere presentation – which sucks, because as a performer, I dig what he can do.

The 24/7 Title still rocks – Some highlights:

  • The entire lower card chased R-Truth into an elevator, but neglected to bring a referee. Then, the elevator got stuck because maximum capacity is a thing.
  • EC3 with the red solo cup casually suggesting cannibalism with a plastic fork is my kind of stupidity.
  • Drake Maverick is getting married in “a few weeks” and terrified of missing the wedding because of the elevator. Bud, I think you’ve got some more immediate issues. Also, can we get this dude running around his own wedding trying to win the title once he spots R-Truth in attendance?
  • R-Truth called his championship the “48/7 TV European Championship.”
  • Carmella just wants people to stop screaming, thanks.
  • Cedric Alexander was aghast that R-Truth’s cellphone had no bars, considering the man’s musical talent.
  • Heath has kids.

Becky Lynch and Lacey Evans promo – I didn’t get anything out of this. I literally can’t remember a damn thing from it.

Paul Heyman cuts a promo – Sorry Paul, I was too busy marking out over Fred VanVleet getting up in Kevin Durant’s face to hear what you were saying. (And then Kevin Durant got hurt nooooooooooooooo!)

The IIconics def. Local talent – You know, if WWE hadn’t forgotten these two for a month, this might actually have been fun.

Shane stuff – I’m done talking about this dude. I’ve no interest any more in seeing him as a part of this show. Roman Reigns could be feuding on SmackDown with Daniel Bryan, with Finn Balor, with Randy Orton.

But nah. We get this.

By the way...have y’all noticed that Renee’s commentary has devolved to simple one-liners that mean nothing at all?

Grade: C

I hate being overly negative, so I’m going to try to say this in the most constructive way possible. There’s a lot of mild fun on this show, but it’s missing moments that would want to make me truly pay attention amidst the NBA and Stanley Cup Finals. I want more than what we’re getting from nearly every feud.

Tell you what, WWE. I’ll make you a deal. Write Shane off TV and I’ll give you an immediate A+. Deal?

Your turn, Cageside.

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