WWE SmackDown (May 28, 2019) – Abridged

discount Marvel movie intro, then/now/whatever

here’s KO doin some ropesittin

KO: Universe sucks, no KO show, love beatin New Day, didn’t hurt E, Dolph’ll beat Kofi at Showdown, imma beat Kofi tonite

it’s a new day, yes it is

KOFI: why you always lyin

KO: ain’t

KOFI: imma make ya pay for hurtin folks

KO: how’s that

KOFI: dropkick

KO: hahahahaha have all the angrybeef

KOFI: welp

KOFI face in perils til

KOFI: elbowbonk

KO: runnin atcha

KOFI: have the floor, imma dive

KO: ooh

KOFI: now imma ropehop

KO: imma push ya

KOFI: aaaaaaand now I have the floor

KO: yep

KOFI face in perils more til

KO: frog splash pin

KOFI: nah

KO: k lemme try again

KOFI: jumpykick, wanna ropeplex

KO: nah, senton pin

KOFI: nah, trouble in paradise pin

KO: k

meanwhile backstage

TRUTH: still runnin

MELLA: can we stop

TRUTH: nah duckin into laundry

here’s PLANETCHAMPS

KAYLA: hey Planetchamps, you’re SDL tag champs, how bout that

BRYAN: SDL tag division’s a joke

ROWAN: I knocketh

KAYLA: who’s there

ROWAN: forsooth, the SDL tag folks

KAYLA: SDL tag folks who

ROWAN: VERILY SO

BRYAN: barbecuin sucks too, animals are smart, shouldn’t eat em, Okies suck in particular cause frackin, we’re planetchamps

KAYLA: folks wanna fight ya, how bout that

it’s HEAVIES

TUCKER: want your belts

BRYAN: yep but later cause Okies suck

OTIS: cool imma headbang

meanwhile backstage

SONYA: hey Mandy, you’re on a mag cover, gonna pass em out

MANDY: whatcha readin Ember

EMBER: literature as I am an erudite polyglot of maximal profundity

MANDY: cool have all the mags

EMBER: this offends me

now MANDY’s fightin MELLA

TOM: member how Mandy nearly injured Mella at MITB

BEAR: nah

they fight til

SONYA: imma distract ya

MELLA: I am in fact distracted

MANDY: rollypin

MELLA: k

meanwhile backstage

TRUTH: still runnin

JINDER: pin tho

TRUTH: nah, have a door, imma hide in this random photo booth

all the JOBBERS run by til

TRUTH: welp guess I’m safe

DRAKE: o hai

TRUTH: run awayyy

BLACK: on the tron, still mysterious, someone fight me

here’s a heel dad with money and DREW and ELIAS, it’s SHANE preciation night

SHANE: aww shucks, y’all shouldn’t have, I’m super humble, Universe’ll love this

VIDEO: Shane’s best in the world, dude’s jumped off stuff a bunch

SHANE: also Kevin Dunn’s great

BEAR: UM

KEVIN: YES UM

SHANE: Samoans owe everythin to McMahons, imma beat respect into Roman

ELIAS: nice speech, imma strum a bit

TRUTH: scuse me imma pin Drake

DRAKE: k

TRUTH: yay did a thing

SHANE, ELIAS, DREW: an idiot says what

TRUTH: what

they murderdeathkill TRUTH til

ELIAS: pin

TRUTH: k

SHANE: also Elias/Drew gonna fight Truth/Roman, 24/7 belt rules don’t apply cause I said so

BEAR: namin those teams’ll be fun

KAYLA: hey Lacey, you’re here cause wild card, how bout that

LACEY: havin tea with Charlotte

CHARLOTTE: The Man and Bayley suck in general

LACEY: yep but we’re sophisticated cause tea

CHARLOTTE: indubitably

BAYLEY’s fightin LACEY now

CHARLOTTE: and I’m commentatin

BAYLEY: hey Lacey, got your leg

LACEY: nah

BAYLEY: your face then

LACEY: still nah

BAYLEY: imma zoom

LACEY: oh just face in peril

BAYLEY: don’t wanna, facekick

LACEY: you usually do tho, have offense

BAYLEY: ow, imma roll out

CHARLOTTE: imma stand over ya

BAYLEY: back in then

LACEY: now plz face in peril

BAYLEY: fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine

she does til

BAYLEY: have the floor, imma thump ya a bunch

CHARLOTTE: o hai

BAYLEY: imma sit ya down

CHARLOTTE: well I never, imma distract ya

BAYLEY: I am in fact distracted

LACEY: pin

BAYLEY: nah, rollypin

LACEY: k but Charlotte gets facekicks

CHARLOTTE: you dun goofed, have beatemups

REFS: hey maybe don’t

BAYLEY: oh yes please do

VIDEO: member how HHH and Orton are a thing

INTERVIEWER: hey Andrade, Finn said he wants to fight ya at Showdown, how bout that

ANDRADE: cool

it’s BRAY’s creepy kid show again, still weird/dope

TRUTHMAN bout to fight DREWLIAS

TRUTH: just lemme limp down the ramp

ELIAS, DREW, SHANE: rather ya didn’t

TRUTH: run awayyy

ROMAN: imma still prolly overcome things

DREW: but muh angrybeef

ELIAS: and muh restholdin

ROMAN: samoan drop

TRUTH: back now, tag

DREW: tag, least you’ll face in peril

TRUTH: I do know how

he does til

ROMAN: tag, time to overcome things

ROMAN overcomes things

ELIAS: still kinda fine

ROMAN: oop forgot to overcome ya

ROMAN overcomes more things

ROMAN: hey Truth, pin Elias

TRUTH: pin

ELIAS: k

TRUTH: yay got the belt

BEAR: see but Roman kinda did everythin if you think abo-

TRUTH: YAYYYYYYYYYYYYY

BEAR: also no abridgin Raw next week, imma see it live