WWE SmackDown (April 30, 2019) – Abridged

discount Marvel movie intro, then/now/whatever

COLE: here’s Kofi

yep, still throwin pancakes

COLE: hey Kofi, you almost didn’t go to Mania, how bout that

KOFI: yep, overcame things, got a belt now, New Day’s great

COLE: you won at Mania, it was great, how bout that

KOFI: yep, fam was there, real great

COLE: KO beat ya up, how bout that

KOFI: he does that, wanted my belt, sounds cool, how bout MITB

suddenly KO

KO: great, you won at Mania, still not champ material

suddenly XAVIER

XAVIER: have all the fists

KO: facekick, run awayyyyyy

KOFI: welp

then backstage

KOFI: don’t get hurt Xavier, you got a fam

XAVIER: k

BAYLEY’s fightin THE MAN now

RING GUY: The Man won at Maniaaaaaaaaaa

BEAR: we all saw

COLE: also Bayley’s fightin for the case at MITB

THE MAN: have a throw

BAYLEY: totally fine, offense time

THE MAN: ow muh knee

BAYLEY: ooh imma hit that a bunch, all the pins

THE MAN: all the nah

BAYLEY: imma ropepunch ya then

THE MAN: neat, top rope jump pin

BAYLEY: nah, facepunches

THE MAN: me too, bexploder, ropeybounce

BAYLEY: me too, rollypin

THE MAN: nah

BAYLEY: suplex, top rope jump

THE MAN: caught ya, disarmher

BAYLEY: tap

suddenly CHARLOTTE

CHARLOTTE: everyone dies

THE MAN, BAYLEY: very ow

BLACK’s on the tron

BLACK: I’m unpredictable, thus scary

here’s HARDYZ

KAYLA: hey Jeff, you got a crutch, how bout that

JEFF: Lars did it, need surgery

MATT: gotta give up our belts

suddenly LARS

LARS: wasn’t done

MATT: imma stop him

LARS: nah, Jeff’s turn

suddenly TRUTH

TRUTH: have a chair

LARS: imma punch it

TRUTH: oh

LARS murderdeathkills TRUTH

BYRON: also Ali/Finn/Andrade/Randy’s fightin for the case at MITB

here’s KAIRISUKA with PAIGE fightin JOBBERS

GRAVES: IIconics are commentatin

KAIRI: tag, insane elbow pin

JOBBER: k

IICONICS: very nah

MANDY: hey Sonya, one of us is fightin for the case, should be you

SONYA: nah you

MANDY: k

BEAR: dawwww

here’s a big dog

ROMAN: superpunched Vince cause big dog, SDL’s my yard

suddenly a heel dad with money

SHANE: ring dude do your thing

RING DUDE: Shane’s best in the world

SHANE: McMahons own the yard

ROMAN: nah, Vince owns it, still superpunched him

SHANE: then I punched ya

ROMAN: you and Elias, try again

SHANE: nah, imma go see Harborough at UMich and train for MITB

HARBAUGH: Michigan men pronounce names right tho

SHANE: B Team’ll beat ya up

ROMAN: imma still overcome things

SHANE: also Elias’s guest ref

ROMAN: prolly still overcomin things

insert standard handicap match til

ROMAN: time to overcome things

ROMAN overcomes things

suddenly it’s BRAY’s kid show from last night, still terrifying

here’s ALI and FINN fightin ANDRADE and RANDY cause SDL playaplayaplaya

RANDY: have a floor

ALI: very ow

ALI face in perils til

ALI: surprise dropkick

FINN: tag

ANDRADE: also tag

FINN: zoomy stompy offense woooooooooooooo

ANDRADE: also kinda good tho

FINN: imma dive atcha

ALI: imma hide Randy behind this desk so he doesn’t see

RANDY: actually fine with dives now tho

ALI: tag, 450 pin

ANDRADE: k

RANDY: rkoouttanowhere to Finn tho

ALI: have the floor, standin tall

INTERVIEWER: hey Ember, you’re fightin for the case at MITB, how bout that

EMBER: imma grab the case

MELLA: nah, imma grab the case, totally won before

EMBER: eh Ellsworth did

MELLA: still grabbin the case

here’s KO doin his show

KO: no signs cause they’re dumb, just need me, Kofi’s not champ material, imma take his belt, hope Xavier still wants to talk

BEAR: that’s bait

KO: welp guess he doesn’t so imma talk at his action fig, also E’s action fig with leg tape

BEAR: nice

suddenly KOFI

KOFI: you done goofed, have literally everything at ringside

KO: run awayyyyy

KOFI: you better