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Cup of coffee in the big time: The very dumb piece of WWF merch I always wanted — and never got

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Kids are dumb. Both having been a kid and now being a parent to multiple, I feel confident in my statement.

There’s nothing wrong with kids being dumb, of course. They haven’t had the opportunity to leap from the pit of dumb. And, if we’re being honest, not being dumb would make for a bad childhood. Being dumb lets kids do all the things that make being a kid fun. Plus, it might land you in a cool cast you get to have all your friends sign.

Seeing our post yesterday on the WWE Championship Title Waist Pack in the WWE Shop (it’s a fanny pack, y’all), took me back to being a dumb kid longing to own dumb WWF merchandise.

And there was one thing I wanted above all else: WWF Superstar Shoot-out.

Looking back now, it’s such an amazing thing. Just a giant table hockey set-up featuring the stars of the WWF and a giant puck.

But how could any young wrestling fan at the time not want that?

This, of course, led down the rabbit hole of weird WWF/WWE merchandise, including the WWF Cookbook:

The infamous “Always Pounding Ass” shirt:

And the “Stone Cold” Steve Austin cologne:

While Austin was the pinnacle of cool, very little of his charm came from the idea he was likely to smell nice.

If anything, you’d expect him to smell like stale beer and sweat. Which, as far as signature scents go, doesn’t seem like one you’d want to bottle.

What I’m getting at is now that I’m a parent and raising young wrestling fans, the job of not allowing my kids to throw their money at bad WWE merch is now mine. And I intend to do the best I can.

...even if I still resent my parents for not buying me WWF Superstar Shoot-out.

Happy Friday! I could give you the usual article-ending gif. Or I could give you Sgt. Slaughter’s Mess Hall Dip!