Now you gotta take the riiiiiiiide, man.
4-Way Finales
With just under a week until Money in the Bank, the WWE had one last opportunity to add some wrinkles to their ladder matches and I’d say they capitalized decently well.
The show began with the men and woman all on ladders and basically everyone shouted a lot. Kevin Owens got an awesome “hard times” reference in while advocating that it’s unfair for the briefcase to hand so low for someone as big as Strowman. Meanwhile, Banks scoffed at Bliss’ fake injuries, Natalya talked about her dear friend Ronda Rousey, and Ember Moon just looked over it.
The women got their match first and I thought that the result was really smart. Natalya was able to pick up a victory, but at the cost of having her injured knee bashed around. Natalya hasn’t felt like much a threat to win the briefcase, so beefing up her storyline seems like a good move.
(Also, this match was nuts. Banks and Moon, in particular.)
As for the men, Owens spent all show trying to get Finn Balor and Bobby Roode on the same page to team up against Braun Strowman. Owens’ sheer terror of Strowman is pretty great, and he sold it like hell all night long. Any chance he got, he sprinted to hide behind Balor and Roode.
This match was a lot of fun as well, but the decision to make Strowman apparently invincible isn’t my thing. I bashed it when it happened between Brock Lesnar and Roman Reigns at WrestleMania and I still hate it. Seriously, Strowman took a Frog Splash off the ladder, a Coup de Grace, a Glorious DDT, another Frog Splash, a prolonged beating for 20 minutes from three different men, and still kicks out.
C’mon, man.
I guess the point is to tease something even more extreme to put him down for the count at Money in the Bank, but this is generally why I’ve never been a fan of “monster” characters. It gets weird at times. Hopefully they get back to Strowman having an amazing offense rather than being made of adamantium.
In all, I think the Raw men’s division needs that Money in the Bank briefcase to add some intrigue to this Lesnar situation. What do you think, Cageside?
The Thing about Heels
You know the thing about heels? And I hope you’re paying attention, because what I’m about to type is really important.
…They need to be good.
No, really! Listen: It seems like such a dumb thing to say but is there is no other way to summarize reason why the Seth Rollins/Elias feud works and the Roman Reigns/Jinder Mahal feud does not.
Mahal’s promo on this show was hot garbage. He said the exact same thing every midcard heel has said for all eternity, he said it the exact same way, smirked the exact same smirk…if you’ve ever watched WWE television, there’s always been a mediocre midcarder doing what he did.
I felt nothing but apathy for it. I paused the show and went for a walk.
Mahal pulled the classic switcheroo that you’ve seen time and time again and if there’s any saving grace to any of this, it’s the fact that it’s really easy to relate to Reigns. Reigns is completely over Mahal’s shtick and so am I.
So let’s talk about a heel that’s getting the job done, shall we? Elias is a freaking stud. Music acts are nothing new to wrestling and the things that Elias says aren’t all that original, but his stuff has personality. He has impeccable timing with his words, his gestures, and actions. Each night he sits on that stool and makes the crowd care.
One of these heels is an incredible talent, putting their own spin on a classic. The other is just doing the usual thing. It’s really that simple.
Rollins got an amazing reaction for Stomping Elias’ custom guitar and it only worked because Elias had agitated the crowd and was clearly invested in his gift. I desperately want one of these feuds to end at Money in the Bank and I’d be perfectly happy if the other lasted all summer. And it all comes down to how well the heel performs.
Born Ready
There were definitely a few things to like about the go-home segment for Nia Jax and Ronda Rousey…but who the hell thought Jonathan Coachman was the person to moderate this thing?!
Talking is not exactly the strong point of either performer, so it’s a bit of a head-scratcher that they’d sit awkwardly in office chairs to politely discuss their rivalry. Even more puzzling was the decision to act like Rousey – a UFC Hall of Famer – is some sort of underdog.
And while I can appreciate the “well the WWE is different argument”…about that.
Luckily, Rousey is electricity personified once she gets physical and I’ll never not be delighted by her Judo takedowns.
The crowd got into this once it got physical and I thought that WWE was smart to show that Rousey can get the arm bar up front – again, it was dumb to ever act like that would be a problem. If they book this match like a sprint at Money in the Bank, I think we’ll all be pleased with the result.
Best of the Rest
Dolph Ziggler and Drew McIntyre def. Breezango – Tyler Breeze can sell his ass off, man. I can’t help but wince when he sells and he did Ziggler and McIntyre a service. As for the brooding duo, they claimed that they plan to save the tag division by eliminating all the other teams. We’ll see.
The B Team def. Heath Slater and Rhyno – The B Team celebrated in a much more subdued manner, but the Deleter of Worlds came out to confront their newest challengers. They told the B Team that they will “eat you and delete you” at Money in the Bank. Lovely.
Ruby Riott def. Bayley – The Riott Squad has been hit and miss since joining Raw, but you cannot dispute the fact that Riott is darn near incapable of having a bad match. She’s fantastic and hopefully they can turn this Riott thing into something compelling.
No Way Jose def. Curt Hawkins – Awwwww you were so close, Hawkins!
USA! USA! – Sami Zayn is partaking in the highest form of performance art by shining a light on our society and I refuse to entertain the thought that this could be anything else.
Remember how society’s crazy now and facts don’t matter anymore? How can you be sure of anything? Therefore…STOLEN VALOR, BOBBY LASHLEY!!!
Sgt. Slaughter on the big screen was such a good touch, too!
Zayn got some real heat for this segment and I loved it to bits. We’re all witnessing a genius at work.
This show was fairly successful at moving storylines forward and adding some nuance, but nothing really important happened. This was another show you could just catch on YouTube on with clips on social media.
Grade: C
With all that said, it feels like they’ve set Money in the Bank up very well; I’m looking forward to a fantastic show this weekend. What about you, Cagesiders?