WWE Monday Night Raw comes waltzing back into our lives tonight (April 2, 2018) from the Phillips Arena in Atlanta, Georgia, featuring the go home show to the WrestleMania 34 pay-per-view (PPV) extravaganza set for this coming Sunday night in New Orleans.
Advertised for tonight: Ronda Rousey & Kurt Angle come face-to-face with Stephanie McMahon & Triple H, Finn Balor vs. Seth Rollins, and more!
Come right back here at 8 p.m. ET when the Raw live blog kicks off once the show starts on USA. It will be below this line here. (REMINDER: NO GIFS OR PICS ARE ALLOWED IN THE COMMENTS SECTION. OFFENDERS WILL BE BANNED.)
WWE RAW RESULTS AND LIVE BLOG FOR APRIL 2
Sometimes in confusion, I felt so lost and disillusioned. Innocence gave me confidence to go up against reality. All the same we take our chances, laughed at by time, tricked by circumstances. Plus ca change, plus c’est la meme chose-- The more that things change, the more they stay the same, like me liveblogging this here pro wrestling show for you, folks.
The show opens with with Jonathan Coachman in the ring presiding over a pair of empty tables.
He says we’re gonna start tonight with an in-ring face-off between Kurt Angle & Ronda Rousey on one hand and Stephanie McMahon & Triple H on the other. They all make their entrances and take seats at the tables, and Coach says the WWE Universe has submitted questions by social media, but Hunter cuts him off with a question for Kurt.
He says it’s a shame all these people chant Ronda Rousey, and it’s unfortunate because they want to like her, but that deafening roar will become silence after Sunday because of Angle. Intensity, integrity, intelligence, he’s a six-time WWE Champion, a Hall of Famer, an Olympic gold medalist, but the 3 I’s, he never disagreed with the first two but he never understood the intelligence part.
This is a prime example, Triple continues, Ronda’s the biggest signing in WWE history and Kurt ruined it and set her up for embarrassment at WrestleMania, and he has to know, why? Angle starts to answer but Rousey cuts him off and asks why HHH would be so two-faced as to sign her with ulterior motives. Stephanie asks Coach to excuse Ronda because she doesn’t really understand the formula yet, but they’ll polish her back up after they beat her at WrestleMania.
Rousey says she understands the format, it’s a Q&A and she wants an answer. McMahon says they signed her because she’s ah huge star and this crowd cheering for her is a testament to that. They do what’s best for business, you see. Angle works for them, and has already derailed Ronda’s career and cost her millions of dollars, they both work for her, and that means she asks the questions.
Like “Who the hell do you think you are?”, which Angle takes, saying she’s Ronda frickin’ Rousey, an Olympic medalist, UFC champion, and Sunday, she’s gonna make Stephanie tap out. Coach tries to defuse the situation but Hunter asks what makes Kurt so confident. He knows who Ronda is, UFC built entire divisions just for her and he gets it... but in WWE that means exactly nothing.
Rousey’s been dreaming of WWE her whole life, but to him and his wife, it IS their entire life, from beginning to end, and you want to know why he’s so confident? Because in this ring, they know the rules, and Ronda has no idea what’s going to happen. There’s a massive learning curve, and they make the rules. It’s a foregone conclusion.
Coach finally gets to the first question, which is “how important is it to win, and if you do, how will it impact the future of WWE?”, and Steph says it’s not “if”, but “when”, and it’s important to them to show the locker room that if they rise up, their bosses will bite the head off the snake and shut them down. Angle is asked about teaming with Ronda and says she’s the baddest woman on the planet and again says she’ll prove it by making McMahon tap out.
One last question, final thoughts. Steph answers first, reminding Ronda that she chose this path and it’s all on her. She’s gonna lose at WrestleMania and her very first loss is going to be to McMahon, and the world knows how she handles losses. Rousey asks if Steph is right or left-handed, she’s right-handed, and Ronda explains saying she wants to make sure she can still write her checks after she rips it off.
Coach organizes them for a staged face-off photo opportunity, hands are shaken... but Rousey hesitates and gets in Stephanie’s face. Kurt tries to pull them apart and Hunter attacks from behind with the mic! Ronda puts hands on Triple... STEPH PUTS RONDA THROUGH A TABLE WITH A SAITO SUPLEX!
The married executives stand tall and take their leave in a celebratory mood.
This is followed by a video package for Daniel Bryan & Shane McMahon vs. Kevin Owens & Sami Zayn.
Commentary says Kurt Angle will have his hands full trying to stop Roman Reigns and Brock Lesnar from tearing each other apart tonight as well as hyping up John Cena’s appearance later, hoping for a response from the Undertaker.
Bayley is shown walking backstage to send us to break.
Back from commercial in time for entrances.
Bayley vs. Sonya Deville
Circling, Deville with a probing leg kick and Bayley backs off. Another leg kick, but Bayley dodges a third and knocks her back with a leg kick. Jockeying for position, whip, up and over, side headlock takeover, Sonya to her feet, shoot off, drop down, leapfrog, duck the back elbow, whip reversed, Bayley off the ropes with a crossbody! Side headlock takeover out of the corner, Deville gets out of it, shoulder thrusts in the corner but the Hugger is able to flapjack her into the turnbuckles to counter.
Off the second looking for an arm drag, turns into more of a splash, arm wringer into an armbar, Bayley in control, stepping over, wrenching it in, Sonya with a whip, reversed, corner lariat, leg pick but Deville isn’t letting go of the ropes and she takes advantage to come at the Hugger with a stiff forearm to the throat and a kick that lays her out and sends us to break.
Back from commercial, Sonya is in charge, throwing elbows in a bodyscissors but Bayley is able to turn it around and slam the back of her head into the mat. Off the ropes, caught into a spinebuster but it’s only good for two! Drawing the Hugger up for repeated knees to the chest and neck, off the ropes, sliding knee gets another nearfall and she keeps the pressure up with another knee.
To the corner, kicks to the midsection, Bayley ducks one and gets away, catches a punch, fires back with her own, repeated forearms, a lariat, another, and the Hugger puts boots and fists to Deville in the corner. Up top, diving crossbody, off the ropes, a knee trembler... NOPE! Absolution save their stablemate and pull her out of the ring as referee Chad Patton warns them to back off.
Bayley heads to the apron, back in, nearfally, knee to take Mandy out, side gutwrench pin, the Hugger slips out...
Bayley wins by pinfall with a folding press.
Mandy Rose goes on the attack right after and Sasha Banks makes the save! Double leg into mounted punches on Rose and she dumps her over the top rope to remind us how a battle royal works! Bayley dumps Sonya and the two “friends” are alone in the ring. Banks asks for her hand to be raised but Bayley isn’t having any of it. They start to have it out but Absolution hit the ring and beat both of them down before they can get going!
Angel’s Wings on the Boss!
Commentary hypes up Finn Balor vs. Seth Rollins and an in-depth look at Asuka’s streak and we go to break.
Back from commercial, commentary shills for the WWE Network, pointing out that WrestleMania is free to new subscribers, before tossing to the promised video package about Asuka’s streak and her various other accolades, like being a Survivor Series sole survivor and a Royal Rumble winner.
Commentary then puts the birth of Miz and Maryse’s child Monroe Sky Mizanin over.
Finn Balor makes his entrance and we go to break before his match begins.
Back from commercial, the Miz joins the commentary desk for the match between his two WrestleMania opponents.
Finn Balor vs. Seth Rollins
Circling, collar and elbow, Rollins goes behind, counter to a wristlock, back and forth, hammerlock to a side headlock, Balor rolls through, headlock of his own, reversed to a wristlock again, Finn to his feet, arm drag, reverse to a headscissors, trading holds, stalemate! Test of strength, Balor slides low, grabs a hammerlock, falls back in it to increase the pressure before shifting to a standing wristlock.
Seth rolls through, kips up, reverse to a side headlock, shot off, shoulder block, side headlock takeover, reverse to a pin, Balor to his feet, shot off, drop down, arm drag, arm drag, kneeling armbar, Rollins goes to shoot him off, reversed, big shoulder block, off the ropes, roll over, another arm drag and again we stalemate before heading to break.
Back from commercial, off the ropes, roll through into a dropkick and Balor goes back to the kneeling armbar. Rollins breaks away and they get to jawing and shoving at each other before going to trade haymakers Frye/Takayama style! Seth sends Finn to the floor and follows up with a chop against the barricade. Back inside, Balor runs Rollins to the floor this time and hits the Penalty Kick off the apron!
Back inside with a hard smack into the apron, only a nearfall, cravate applied, snapmare to a kick to the back, only good for one! Chops in the corner, hard whip, Rollins counters with the reverse STO into the turnbuckle and the blockbuster... NOPE! Reverse chinlock follows it up while we go picture-in-picture for a video package covering the WWE Championship match between AJ Styles and Shinsuke Nakamura.
Finn threatening to get out, neckbreaker connects, Rollins heads around for a boot on the floor but the cover’s only good for two! Trading chops, Balor slips out of the Falcon Arrow but gets caught by a back elbow, charging out of the corner, forearms, whip reversed, a flying forearm and Finn’s fired up! Corner chop, whip, Seth gets the boot up, to the second, leg pick drops him back down, inverted facelock, reverse to a victory roll, only two!
Balor right on him, inverted facelock elbow drop, again just a nearfall! Lying in wait, Sling Blade countered, off the ropes, Rollins hits his own Sling Blade! Finn rolls out to the floor, where Seth drops him with a suicide dive and we go to break.
Back from commercial, Finn hits the Sling Blade this time! Charging over for the shotgun dropkick, he runs right into a superkick, cover made... NOT ENOUGH! Charging forearm, Balor sidesteps the second, gamengiri from the apron, he heads up top but gets cut off with a knee! Jockeying for position, Finn knocks Seth down with clubbing blows, Rollins right back in... superplex but when he goes to roll through, Balor counters to a small package for a nearfall!
Ripcord knee connects... FINN KICKS OUT! Seth climbs up top, perches, Frog Splash... THE KNEES WERE UP! Into a cover... only a nearfall! Rollins rolls to the floor, Finn follows to the apron, Penalty Kick caught, into a powerbomb clutch... FINN STOPS THE BUCKLE BOMB INTO THE BARRICADE AND HITS THE SLING BLADE! Shotgun dropkick into the barricade and Balor is fired up!
Referee Dan Engler counting, back inside, Finn heads up top again, Coup de Grace misses, low superkick, Blackout denied, O’Connor roll, Seth kicks out...
Seth Rollins wins by pinfall with Blackout!
Miz holds the Intercontinental Championship high and stares Rollins down from the announce table.
This is followed by a recap of our opening segment, because Raw is three hours long.
Commentary proceeds to inform us that the Fifth Annual Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal in Memory of Andre the Giant, the WrestleMania Women’s Battle Royal, and the Cruiserweight Championship Tournament Finals will be on the pre-show for WrestleMania before sending us to break.
Back from commercial, we get a video package about Brock Lesnar’s year-long Universal Championship reign and his feud with Roman Reigns.
We go backstage with Paul Heyman on the phone with someone talking about “the Brocktagon” when Kurt Angle rolls up to talk to him. Angle tells him the most important thing tonight is that the WrestleMania main event stays intact. Paul agrees to do it his way tonight, no stress tonight and save the in-ring for WrestleMania. Kurt says he just wants to make sure Roman doesn’t hurt Brock and that sends Paul into a laughing fit.
Angle confirms that’s what he’s worried about and asks Heyman to keep it civil, and he says he’ll take it under consideration.
The Bar make their entrance and we go to break.
Back from commercial, the Bar begin a promo.
Sheamus calls Braun Strowman out and says he needs to listen. Cesaro says they don’t care who his partner is, and Sheamus concurs. Cesaro says as big and strong as he is, it’s still a tag team match, and sooner or later he has to tag his partner in, and they have to be on the same page, because if not they have to have a plan B, C, D, E, and no matter who he chooses he’ll never have that.
Enter Braun Strowman. He addresses them from the ramp and says if they’re trying to say he doesn’t play well with others, they’re right. But management has made it clear he has to have a partner to challenge for the tag titles, so he got one. He was just talking to him in the back and he doesn’t appreciate what these two clowns were just saying, and Cesaro says if his partner has a problem he needs to tell them to their face.
Strowman says he will, under one stipulation-- he wants a match with one of them. Sheamus says normally he’d love to disagree with the crowd, and if he wants a match, he’s got one. Braun goes to get his tag partner from the back and warns them he’s a lot like him, just a little different.
...it’s Braun in a white shirt and glasses. He introduces himself as Braun’s brother, Brains Strowman, and he’s gonna knock theirs out of their head!
Brains gets in the ring and takes his gear off (looking almost identical to his brother, Braun) and the Bar attack! He fends them off partially but gets caught with a Brogue Kick and beaten down! Brains fights his way out, huge biel for Cesaro! Sheamus runs away! Brains jaws at them from the ring. I wonder where Braun went?
We get a video package from Goldust, quoting one of Andre the Giant’s lines from the Princess Bride and pledging to win the Fifth Annual Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal in Memory of Andre the Giant and put hands on the golden statue of Andre. Then HBO will have to make a documentary on him and no one will ever forget the name of Goldust.
Cut to Broken Matt Hardy, saying he too seeks the same prize as the Golden One, a pantheon of mythical giants have been training him from the Jotun to Goliath, and he will honor the celestial spirit of Andre and win the battle royal. But Goldy doesn’t have to wait for WrestleMania, because he’s scheduled for DELETION!
And so to break.
Back from commercial and the match is in progress!
Goldust vs. Matt Hardy
Hardy in control, off the ropes, Goldust with the drop down slap but Matt’s into it, giving him a standing ovation! Duck a lariat, right hand, whip to the corner, Goldy with a boot up, he rams Hardy into the post and follows around for a slap from the floor. Back inside, Matt with right hands, but he runs into a spinebuster for two. Goldust staying on him, kneeling punches to the face, chest rub, right hands from Hardy as he gets to his feet.
Repeated face smashes into the turnbuckles, corner lariat, bulldog, Side Effect connects... NOPE! Kick to the gut, Twist of Fate denied, snap scoop powerslam, again only a nearfall! Goldust perched up top, diving elbow drop comes up empty, Matt pops up, kick to the gut, Twist of Fate countered, schoolboy nearfall, kick to the gut from Goldy! Drop down slap countered, Hardy capitalizes...
Matt Hardy wins by pinfall with the Twist of Fate.
Matt has a moment with the Andre trophy, yelling “procure!” a few times.
Commentary promises us a sit-down interview with Nia Jax later and we cut to a handcam promo with Alexa Bliss and Mickie James where they run down her looks, mock her for having feelings, and toss a fat joke or two in there for good measure.
We’re informed that John Cena will be out next and we go to break.
Back from commercial, John Cena makes his entrance.
He starts off saying he hates saying it, but he was wrong. We’re out of time and still no answer, so he was wrong. Since we have no more time left, silence means “no”. No Undertaker. Some people may be upset about that news, but not him. He did everything he could to get the Undertaker to do something, and he’s not gonna waltz into New Orleans with his head held low, he’s going in fired up!
So many people have asked him what his match is, but you have to understand he’s going as a fan. Check it out, just today, Michael Cole told him that’s stupid and he should be in the battle royal or Braun’s partner or force his way into one of the other matches. That’s not gonna happen because he lost to Roman Reigns, he lost at Survivor Series, he lost the Royal Rumble, he lost at Elimination Chamber, and he lost at Fastlane.
After all of that, if he were to just enter a match, he’d be taking a spot from somebody who earned it. Calling Undertaker out was his last chance, because it’s a match where no one gets held back, neither man could be blamed for stealing momentum or taking a spot. Man, it seemed perfect, but things changed, and one year ago his life dramatically changed, at which point he thanks Nikki Bella.
It’s no secret, he’s got a lot going on outside of WWE and that changes his life every single day. For years he’s fed off our energy, and maybe just maybe he believes this WrestleMania is time for a change. In fact, he’s damn proud to go to WrestleMania as a fan and sit and watch gifted performers like Rollins and Balor whip up the most amazing WrestleMania card of all time, and he’s humble enough to say they don’t need him to do it.
He’s proud that after three years, Daniel Bryan is back where he belongs, in the middle of a WWE ring at WrestleMania. He’s proud to sit and watch the greatest in-ring performer he knows, AJ Styles, get the WWE Championship WrestleMania moment he deserves. Hell, he’s even proud that WrestleMania is on Rusev Day! He’s proud to see Elias and he knows what WWE stands for.
He’s genuinely proud of not just one, but all the women’s matches at WrestleMania, because the women’s division continually proves that success is not based on gender. So, ladies and gentlemen, he’s going to WrestleMania as a fan and he’s damn proud of it, but he wanted to take a second to apologize about the Undertaker.
He did everything he could in the ring and on social media and we did too... and then he realizes that he didn’t really try to get the crowd here in Atlanta to summon the Undertaker. He writes it off as impossible since he doesn’t think they can be loud enough... at which point he goads them into being louder. And again, he says if they want the lightning, they need to be the thunder!
They chant for the Undertaker and nothing happens. Cena calls Taker out, saying it’s four weeks straight of people around the world pouring their hearts out for him, and he doesn’t have the common decency to do a damn thing? He’s not upset about Mania, but he’s upset at the Undertaker, and the second he ignores these people, he’s a dead man walking.
Cena says it’s obvious that Taker left his hat in the ring, but it’s clear to everyone that he left his balls out. Still nothing. Cena’s music plays, he sets the mic down, and leaves the ring.
He makes his exit. Still no Undertaker.
This is followed by another recap of our opening segment, because Raw is three hours long. Commentary then runs down the WrestleMania card and shills for the WWE Network some more before sending us to break.
Back from commercial, Roman Reigns is hanging out in the locker room when Kurt Angle rolls up.
He says he’s already lost one WrestleMania match in Cena/Taker and he doesn’t want Roman losing him another. He tells him about his meeting with Paul Heyman earlier and Reigns is skeptical. He gets Kurt to confirm that Brock is here and says he’s not going anywhere. Because he has a ton of respect for Angle, he’ll hear Heyman out, but because of the years of disrespect Brock has given him and the locker room, if he says something stupid he’s gonna head out and take care of it.
In fact, why not run his peace treaty back to the pawn shop where he sold his Olympic gold medals?
In the ring, Elias is ready to sing us a song. He does his usual intro and says if you want your soul to be saved, you’ll know that WWE stands for Walk With Elias. He talks about being in Atlanta, the last stop on the Road to WrestleMania... and it’s in this hellhole of a dump. If it was up to him, he’d have just bypassed this entire place and went to a city that actually matters, but he’ll do that after tonight.
At WrestleMania, he’s got the performance of a lifetime, but for now, he’s got a song, so do as he always says and he’ll get on with it...
And he’s immediately interrupted by Heath Slater.
Elias vs. Heath Slater
Collar and elbow, Elias forces Slater into the corner and referee Chad Patton demands a break. Shoulder thrusts, big chop, whip across into a lariat, but Heath gets him into the corner and starts coming back with punches. Off the ropes, big knee strike, a leg lariat, but the Drifter lands a knee strike of his own, fisherman’s clutch...
Elias wins by pinfall with Drift Away.
Commentary informs us that Nia Jax’s interview will be next and we go to break.
Back from commercial, Braun Strowman is walking backstage when he runs into Curt Hawkins.
Curt pitches him on picking him as a tag partner, since Brains Strowman can’t always be around. Braun asks him about his win/loss record and Hawkins tries to avoid the question. BRAUN THROWS HIM THROUGH A WALL AND TELLS HIM IT’S HIS BIG BREAK!
Commentary runs us through all the various festivities that WWE have planned for WrestleMania week.
Nia Jax’s interview comes up and she starts off talking about knowing who she is and who she isn’t and what she’s capable of. Recently she’s been really disappointed in herself for trusting somebody and letting Alexa Bliss force her to doubt herself. She recounts some of the ways Alexa’s insulted her and says those comments took a toll on her, but she’s looked at herself in the mirror and reminded herself she’s Nia Jax, she doesn’t take shit, and she’s strong and confident and loves who she is.
This is how God made her, what her mama gave her, and she’s proud of who she is and what she’s accomplished. She has something to say directly to Alexa-- she’s nothing but an insecure little girl, and at WrestleMania, she’s gonna squash her like a bug.
In the arena, Alexa Bliss and Mickie James make their entrance for a match and we go to break.
Back from commercial in time for entrances.
Alexa Bliss & Mickie James vs. Asuka & Dana Brooke
Brooke and Bliss to start, collar and elbow, Dana with a strength advantage, into a wristlock, blocking Alexa from running away until she stamps her foot and reverses. Brooke back in charge, arm wringer, Bliss with a right hand, whip reversed, cartwheel into a back elbow, fireman’s carry, Alexa slips out and puts her forearm into the back of Dana’s neck.
Tag to James, kick to the midsection, hammerlock applied, Brooke reverses, schoolboy pin, no good. Right hands, Dana blocks one and throws her own back, shoulder thrusts in the corner, whip across, another cartwheel but nobody’s home and Mickie kicks her in the face. Kick to the ribs follows, drawing her up, arm wringer, Brooke reverses to a slam, off the ropes with a handspring splash but James gets the knees up and we go to break.
Back from commercial, Mickie is in control with a sleeper hold on Dana. Brooke to her feet, fighting free but she gets caught with a mat slam and taken right back down into the sleeper. Break free, off the ropes, right into a knee and James tags Bliss in. Big slap, kick to the ribs, giant step into repeated head stomps but it’s not enough to finish the match just yet so the champ grabs a reverse chinlock.
Alexa looking for a tag, Dana with a straight suplex and both women are down and out, crawling... tags made! Asuka in hot, off the ropes with a hip attack! Rights and lefts, Mickie shoves her back, off the ropes, hip toss into a knee to the face, chest kicks, the buzzsaw connects, hip attack knocks Bliss down, James flees, sliding kick on the apron takes her out!
Back in, Mickie lands a superkick... NOPE! Mounted punches, James climbs up top, comes up empty, and Asuka capitalizes, locking the Asuka Lock in the middle of the ring...
Asuka & Dana Brooke win by submission with the Asuka Lock from Asuka on Mickie James.
Alexa Bliss attacks post-match and she and James beat Asuka down! They turn to Dana Brooke when she comes in and hit a double-team implant DDT! They go back to Asuka... and Nia Jax makes the save! Nia has Bliss in the ropes and Mickie attacks from behind to save her pal! Jax slings her off her back, corner lariat... Samoan drop!
Backstage, Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman roll up on Kurt Angle, who begs him to remember what they spoke about. Paul promises to keep it positive and they carry on to send us to break on a hype reel for the finals for Mixed Match Challenge.
Back from commercial, Brock and Paul make their entrance.
They get in the ring and we pan to see a number of other members of the Raw roster blocking the ramp, presumably under orders from Kurt Angle. Paul launches into his usual introductory schtick but stops himself short and calls Angle out for being an ineffective mentor for Ronda Rousey, criticizing his solution to the Roman Reigns problem and says he has no control.
Paul raises his right hand and swears that he’s going to tell the whole truth. Last time WrestleMania was in New Orleans, he said Lesnar would beat the Undertaker’s streak, and he said that wasn’t a prediction, it was a spoiler. And what happened? He beat the Undertaker, and they laughed at each and every one of us. It’s a fact, six days from now, WrestleMania is in New Orleans and the only two beings on the planet that hold a WrestleMania victory over the Undertaker will collide in the main event.
Everyone acts like it’s fait accompli, that Roman’s destiny is to dethrone Brock, as if that’s a spoiler. To be blunt, to tell the truth, you have to be impressed with and respect Reigns. But the truth is, on Sunday, Brock Lesnar will F-5 Roman and pin him in the center of the ring 1, 2, 3. That’s not a prediction, that’s a spoiler.
An unfortunate truth in life is that there are acts of god, and if Brock blows out his knee or slips on a banana peel and Roman wins the title, this is the last time you’ll ever see him and Lesnar on Monday Night Raw. He’ll save his goodbyes for his own personal social media, but since Brock will say hello to you from UFC, he wants to say something a little out of character for Brock.
This whole mystique he’s created since 2002, where he looks at the locker room and thinks none of them can shine his boots, that Lesnar chooses who he fights on his own terms, this whole image is 100% true. And as a matter of fact, it’s understated-- Brock thinks there’s not a single member of the locker room that can hold his jock, and not one person watching can afford to pay him what they think he’s worth to do his thing in his prime.
This Sunday night, Roman Reigns’ only choice is to accept defeat. It’s easy to make choices when you have no options, and his options are like his ass, both owned by Brock Lesnar. Roman’s going to have to go home on Sunday night to his wife and kids and father and uncles and cousins and say he got beaten, victimized, and conquered by Brock Lesnar.
The truth is, against Brock, Reigns ain’t the big dog, this ain’t his yard, and he’s just another notch on Lesnar’s title belt. The truth is Roman is just Brock Lesnar’s bitch.
Enter Roman Reigns. The wrestlers on the ramp step up to him and he gets on the mic. He asks if they’re all gonna protect this part-time bastard and asks them to think about it... AND THEY MAKE WAY FOR THE BIG DOG TO COME THROUGH! Brock jaws at him as he pauses before the ring, but all you can see on Roman’s face is quiet determination. He heads aroundand up the steps and pauses again on the apron.
Into the ring, Lesnar backs off and drops the title but doesn’t leave. They circle each other... and Brock bails, getting his belt and a chair. He heads back in the ring with the chair in hand but the Big Dog isn’t going anywhere! SUPERMAN PUNCH! A SECOND! BROCK IS REELING! A THIRD! ROMAN’S FIRED UP... SUPERMAN PUNCH NUMBER FOUR!
Lesnar shaking, gasping, unsteady as he tries to get to his feet... A FIFTH SUPERMAN PUNCH! Reigns collects the Universal Championship and holds it high over Brock’s fallen body! LESNAR RECOVERS OUT OF NOWHERE AND HITS AN F-5! Heyman makes a point of repeatedly saying that the F-5 put Roman down!
Reigns is beginning to recover as Brock and Paul get halfway up the ramp.
That’s the show, folks.