This might be my least favorite episode of Raw that I can ever recall watching.
Who are you supposed to root for, folks? Brock Lesnar has the belt and he’s off faffing about in the wilderness somewhere. Roman Reigns has leukemia. Seth Rollins is off on an island in a feud that’s progressively losing steam. So who’s left?
Elias? Oh, so sorry. Elias got beaten up in a 3 on 1 attack.
Finn Balor? Oh, I’m sorry. Balor got beaten up in a 3 on 1 attack.
Sasha Banks? Ah, I must apologize again. She’s off in a tag team fighting the same freaking people for six months. The same could be said for Bayley.
Ronda Rousey? Oh, you mean that lady who’s kind of neat but keeps wearing weird makeup and participating in segments where she comes out looking horrible.
All that’s left is Braun Strowman, and god I hope you like big burly dudes. If not, you’re out of luck.
Y’all, I just don’t know what to say at this point. I think that’ll be a trend of this review. This show started with Elias getting beaten up by Baron Corbin, Bobby Lashley, and Drew McIntyre and ended with Finn Balor getting beaten up by Baron Corbin, Bobby Lashley, and Drew McIntyre. And I just don’t get it.
I guess the point is to build that vague and immeasurable resource in wrestling that we call “heat,” but all you’re building is aversion with this crap. You’re building frustration. You’re building apathy.
I’m so tired of rooting for guys and girls who haven’t a prayer of doing anything meaningful on the show. And I don’t even know what else to say.
Rollins holds an open challenge
You know what’s awesome about the modern WWE? No matter how poorly storylines are going, as long as you have an exciting champion who can hold open challenges, it’s pretty easy to entertain a crowd. All it takes is a surprise. So who would it be? After a hiatus, who would challenge for Seth Rollins’ Intercontinental Championship? Would it be a debuting Lars Sullivan? Oooh! What about a returning Bray Wyatt?!
...lol nevermind. It’s Dolph Ziggler.
Look, that’s harsh and I’m just kidding. I think it’s fair to mark how unoriginal this matchup is, but I actually want to spotlight Dolph Ziggler as the best part of this show. Do you know why?
He’s an extremely talented heel. He put on a wonderful match with Seth Rollins and then did what heels are supposed to do: he lost. Not that you’d know that by the state of Raw these days.
So shout out to you, Ziggler. You weren’t what I was hoping for, but you quietly crushed it and gave us all a rare reason to cheer. Kudos.
Literally the worst segment
This show’s Nia Jax vs. Ronda Rousey segment was so bad that I had to pause the show and leave the room.
This was my breaking point with this show. I’d had my fill of wrestling for one night.
Like...how do I even describe this? Have you ever seen a comedian bomb their routine?Watching that would have been more entertaining than Nia Jax’s promo. And the substance of it was fine, I guess. She basically argued that Ronda Rousey’s facing hard times while Jax herself has been on fire lately.
But who cares? She flaunted about and gloated about it all as the crowd sat numbly. The only thing that got a response is when she yapped about hurting Becky Lynch. If all you’ve got is genuinely hurting another wrestler...
And then it was Rousey’s turn, and her talking segment wasn’t much better. Her first lines didn’t make a lick of sense, but luckily she quickly got to her strengths by firing up and demanding a match from Jax.
And then Jax said she was stalling for time when Tamina had been in the ring with her the entire time. And then Natalya shows up as if Rousey couldn’t handle herself. And THEN the Riott Squad pulled a hit and run on Nattie so that the crowd had nothing to cheer whatsoever.
Yeah, so if the rest of this review is caustic, blame this segment.
Dean Ambrose gets vaccinated - This dude’s suddenly developed a germ phobia. Apparently he sees Rollins as a walking germ as well.
I don’t even know what to say. I guess it’s kind of amusing? But like...I dunno man.
Lucha House Party def. The Revival – I don’t even know how to explain this, let alone if I like it or not. The LHP basically have their own match stipulation and are beating the Revival in handicap matches. I guess the point is to stick it to the old-fashioned dudes, but it’s not all that amusing to me.
Drake Maverick pissed on Roode’s robe – I really hate this show.
Ember Moon def. Alicia Fox – Curt Hawkins was at ringside. And Moons and Hawkins danced with No Way Jose after. Yeah.
Jinder Mahal def. Jose – lol
Alexa Bliss holds a questionaire – I really, really hate this show. Basically Bliss tried to do what Corbin’s done by fielding some friends, but the women’s division doesn’t have a McIntyre or Lashley to help her out.
This show was so bad that I’m contemplating turning in my Cageside authorship badge.
Hope you enjoyed the review.
Two F’s. Because F it.