The SummerSlam card is always full of memorable moments, and we should expect this year to be no different with the monstrous main event featuring a hoss fight du jour as Braun Strowman, Samoa Joe, and Roman Reigns attempt to dethrone WWE Universal Champion Brock Lesnar in the main event. What better way to celebrate so much Grade A meat than a list of the top five hosses that we have ever had the pleasure of feasting eyes upon.
Hoss has a fluid meaning among beef fight connoisseurs. My personal definition is a big galoot with fighting style to boot. I envision men such as Hoss Cartwright from Bonanza, Bud Spencer from various Italian movies, and Mongo from Blazing Saddles.
You may be asking what qualifies me to make a top five list? I can count to five. That's about it. With that out of the way, let's get on to it. Break out the wine, because this list is rich in succulent beef.
5. Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart
Jim Neidhart may be the impetus for my appreciation of hosses. Aside from Hulk Hogan, the Hart Foundation is one of my earliest wrestling fan memories. The Anvil's brawn and boisterous guffaw hooked me as a wee lad, while the excellent execution from Bret Hart kept me hooked as I aged. Whether teaching shot put to Lana or setting up the Hart Attack, Jim Neidhart encapsulates what it means to be a hoss.
Earthquake was such a beast of a man that he literally made the ring quake before executing his vicious butt cheek drop of doom. A move so devastating that it took Hulk Hogan out of action for a lengthy period of time. The fortified beef in his buttocks must have been supplemented with iron vitamins. At the time Hogan went down, I was at the age when it was borderline still real to me. To this day, I wake up in a fit of sweat whenever my dog slams the mattress to wake me up. The tremors are tough to shake.
I debated putting King Kong Bundy in this spot, but I wasn't feeling it. Perhaps his roles in Married with Children and Moving softened the fear factor. Getting beat up by Richard Pryor is a tough pill to swallow.
To be honest, I'm not sure Meng qualifies according to my hoss characteristics. His agility may be too fancy free, but the dude is a beast nonetheless. Often cited as the most dangerous man in the business, Meng brings that attitude to the ring. Also, bonus points for his celebration after slamming Big John Studd. It is one of my favorite displays of exuberance.
2. Scott Norton
Although known as Vicious in his Vicious and Delicious tag team with Buff Bagwell, Scott “Flash” Norton is most definitely delicious for lovers of beefy fisticuffs. On looks alone, he would be my most feared in this top five. Norton was built like a brick wall and fought like it too.
1. Mil Muertes
Ml Muertes (aka Ricky Banderas and El Mesías) is known the man of one thousand deaths in Lucha Underground. If you've seen a Ricky Banderas or El Mesías match, that doesn't necessarily mean you've seen a Mil Muertes match. In Lucha Underground, the character of Mil Muertes has an aura of hossness that must be seen to be believed. He is a machine of destruction.
Of course, it helps that much of the roster are smaller luchadores capable of selling a beating. That said, I'll leave you to appreciate Mil's duel with an equal-sized Matanza Cueto in a casket match known as Graver Consequences to provide evidence of hoss badassery to the fullest. (Sorry that the embedded video is geo-blocked for some.)
How does this hoss top five stack up to your list? Agree with the entrants? Got beef about who isn't included? Such as the best lady hosses? In your opinion, what defines a hoss? Whether it be best five or favorite five, share yours in the comments.
Who will leave the SummerSlam main event as champ?
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