WWE SmackDown Live (Aug. 1, 2017) - Abridged

stadiums, fireworks, then/now/whatever

here’s a dude with farmer strength and also MERICA

AJ: you don’t want none

KO: yes I do

AJ: imma get outta the ring then

KO: clothesline, get in the ring, facekick, angryface

AJ: you done

KO: for now

AJ: then dropkick, offense, so on

KO: outta the ring

AJ: jumpyforearm

KO: see but barricade, cannonball, rest holds

AJ: see but pin

KO: nah

AJ: then phenomenal fore-

KO: kick pin

AJ: nah

KO: then pop up pow-

AJ: pele kick, calf crusher

KO: ooh a rope

AJ: aw

KO: kicks then ref bump so can’t pin

AJ: now he’s fine though so pin

REF: k

KO: NAH CAUSE SHOULDER

SHANE, DBRY: hey ref, you screwed up

KO: THE REF SCREWED UP

SHANE: respect the ref tho

KO: but muh US belt

SHANE: so rematch at Summerslam

KO: k but with a good ref

DBRY: ref’s Shane

SHANE: otherwise no match

KO: y’all suck but fine

USOS: AWWWWW CLEVELAAAAAAAND

UNIVERSE: boo I guess

USOS: gonna beat up New Day some more, also copying New Day’s schtick now

here’s BREEZANGO doing Twin Peaks, too good, can’t abridge, go watch

SAMI: so wait English is my new feud

ENGLISH: imma siiiiiiiiing

SAMI: perfect

ENGLISH: you should face in peril

SAMI: nah, have jumpy rest holds

ENGLISH: pin

SAMI: k

BEAR: um

HERE’S TO THE GREATEST greatest LOVE I’VE EVER KNOOOOOOOWN

MARIA: yay you lost

SAMI: um

BECKY/NAOMI fight NATTIE/CARMELLA cause why not

BECKY: holds to Nattie, tag

NAOMI: pin

NATTIE: nah and HOLD ON, tag

CARMELLA: totally have a chance

NAOMI: have all the kicks

NATTIE: distraction

NAOMI: huh

CARMELLA: tag

NATTIE: you should face in peril

NAOMI: but I’m champ

NATTIE: eh, sharpshooter

NAOMI: ooh a rope

CARMELLA: tag in

NAOMI: submission

NATTIE: very n-

BECKY: oh no ya don’t

CARMELLA: tap

RENEE: hey Jinder, you face Cena or Nak at Summerslam, how bout that

JINDER: gonna beat whoever cause I’m diverse

RUSEV: time to machka Gable

GABLE: well I actually Olympic wrestled

RUSEV: well I am very big

GABLE: still tho

GABLE does olympic wrestlethings til

GABLE: moonsault pin

RUSEV: nah, machka pin

GABLE: nah, ankle lock

RUSEV: barely out, accolade

GABLE: tap I guess

BEAR: remind me again why Gable isn’t Angle’s kid

RUSEV: hey Cena beat me at Battleground but he actually didn’t cause no one can, gimme a Summerslam fight

suddenly RANDY

RANDY: you rang

RUSEV: get in the ring

RANDY: k, fight me at Summerslam

RUSEV: imma speak -

BEAR: wait hold on

BEAR uses the Google machine

BEAR: k Bulgarian’s actually a language so

RUSEV: imma speak Bulgarian

RANDY: RKOOUTTANOWHERE

RUSEV: welp

CENA: BRRRRRR APPLEDon’t worry cause imma fight Nak

NAK: imma fight Cena

BEAR: MY BODY IS READY

CENA: time for wrasslin

NAK: kippyjumpyswaggywrasslin

CENA: what

NAK: vibrating leg

CENA: no seriously what

NAK: did you never watch my matches

CENA: was kinda busy, have rest holds

NAK: strong style tho

CENA: the heck

NAK: and more of it

CENA: k enough, you can’t see m-

NAK: PSYCH

CENA: WHAT

NAK: have all the submissions

CENA: but supercena

NAK: get slammed on your face plz, KINSH-

CENA: STF

NAK: imma slightly move my head aaaaaaand armbar

CENA: gettin out, AA pin

NAK: nah

CENA: k, AA and also A-

NAK: land on the back of your head plz

CENA: srsly dude why

NAK: KINSHASAAAAAAAAAAA pin

CENA does not overcome things

TOM: Jinder/Nak at Summerslam

BEAR: HERE TAKE ALL MY MONEY

and now some news