WWE SmackDown Live (July 18, 2017) – Abridged

stadiums, fireworks, then/now/whatever

SINGHS: here’s Jinder

here’s JINDER and also some bamboo

JINDER: that’s the punjabi prison

SINGHS: punjabi prison’s just a steel cage match except two cages and weird door rules

JINDER: also there’s no rules

BEAR: um

JINDER: imma beat Randy at Battleground

suddenly RANDY

RANDY: you’re an idiot cause punjabi prison means no Singhs, imma beat you at Battleground

JINDER yells stuff

RANDY: but first imma pose on top of the bamboo

USO: gonna fight Kofi cause tag feud

KOFI: corner kicks, get outta the ring so I can...

RANDY: no no no no nononononono

KOFI: ...ropeflip

RANDY: phew

USO: have you met the ring apron

KOFI: is it the hardest part of the ring

USO: you tell me

KOFI: ow

USO rest holds for days til

KOFI: jumpystomps and such, trouble in p-

USO: turnbuckle bomb pin

KOFI: nah

USO: then superplex

KOFI: rather not

USO: imma distract ya

KOFI: not workin, crossbody

USO: rollthrough pin

SHANE: hey women’s roster, y’all gonna fight at Battleground, who wants to fight now

CHARLOTTE: wanna fight Lana

NATTIE: wanna fight Lana

BECKY: wanna fight Lana

TAMINA: no one fights Lana

NATTIE: then Charlotte fights Becky

CHARLOTTE: nah cause I beat her a ton

BECKY: scuse me

SHANE: cool, y’all fight

TOM: meanwhile on RAW Jason’s Kurt’s kid

BEAR: meh

RENEE: hey Chad, Jason’s Kurt’s kid, how bout that

CHAD: yeah he didn’t tell me and that was kinda jerky

RENEE: so you goin to RAW

CHAD: nah

HERE’S TO THE GREATEST greatest LOVE I’VE EVER KNOOOOOOOOOWN

SAMI: guess I’m face in periling with y’all this week

MIKE: cool

SAMI: jk lol have all the offense

MIKE: not cool

SAMI: have a corner and helluva k-

MARIA: very nah

SAMI: um

MIKE: SURPRISE pin

CENA: BRRRRRRR APPLEDOn’t worry cause Battleground’s gonna be awesome, Rusev sucks, Merica’s great, imma win at Battleground for Merica

suddenly RUSEV

RUSEV: accolade

CENA: but maybe I can-

RUSEV: nah

CENA: totally gonna-

RUSEV: nah

RUSEV accolades CENA til he sleeps then flagwaves

AJ: hey Shin wanna talk bout tagging

SHIN: nah but I like your belt

BECKY: imma fight Charlotte

CHARLOTTE: imma fight Becky

NATTIE: imma comment

that happens, there’s offense, NAOMI’s watching backstage, it’s neat

BECKY: disarmher?

CHARLOTTE: nah but pin

BECKY: nah

CHARLOTTE: maybe moonsault

BECKY: nah but disarmher

CHARLOTTE: tap

BEAR: aaaaaaand everyone runs in in 5, 4, 3, 2

EVERYONE runs in

BEAR: like clockwork

TOM, JBL, BYRON: the WWE Network tho

RENEE: hey Naomi, you’re fighting someone at Summerslam, how bout that

NAOMI: imma beat whoever

CARMELLA: member how I got a briefcase

NAOMI: yep

here’s BREEZANGO doing X-Files, bottom line they’re fighting whoever at Battleground, as usual unabridgeable, go watch it

GULAK: there will be purple ropes later or maybe not

AJ: gonna enter

SHIN: ditto

suddenly BARON

BARON: hi, die

KO: also I’m here

AJ: me too, let’s fight

BARON: cool

SHIN: in the ring tho

BARON: fine

BARON kills AJ

KO: my turn

AJ: tag

SHIN: strong style

KO: that hurts so outta the ring plz

BARON: now back in the ring

KO: now senton

SHIN: that’d do it

BARON: we can totally win

SHIN: but I’m Shin

BARON: but I can spike people on their neck

SHIN: neat, strong style

KO: hey maybe don’t

SHIN: huh

BARON: deep six pin

AJ: rather you didn’t

BARON: tag

SHIN: tag

AJ: imma offense for a bit

KO: but can you lift me

AJ: apparently not

KO: tag

BARON: imma just throw you

AJ: k have a calf crusher

BARON: run away

SHIN: offense maybe

BARON: Shin goes to timekeeper, shhhh but tag

AJ: didn’t see tag so imma pin you

KO: nah, pin

AJ: k

BEAR: whew