WWE RAW (July 17, 2017) – Abridged

stadiums, fireworks, then/now/whatever

DEAN: got a chair named Steely Dan cause lunatic, wanna beat Miz with it again

suddenly SETH

SETH: but you can’t beat Miz on your own

DEAN: but I like beating folks with chairs, leave

SETH: nah, wanna fight Miz with me

DEAN: nah cause Shield

SETH: sorry bout that but you beat me up too

DEAN: don’t care

SETH: then hit me with Steely Dan

DEAN: nah

AWWWWWWW SAAAAAAAAAM

MIZ: Dean’s loony and Seth’s a bad architect, time to beat you with chairs

MIZ, BO, and AXEL do

CHARLY: hey Miz, you-

MIZ: bye

CHARLY: k

BAYLEY: time to fight Bliss

BLISS: slap

BAYLEY: ALL THE OFFENSE

suddenly NIA

NIA: hi

BLISS: k self, don’t panic, just keep beating up on Bayley, don’t think about Nia killing you, don’t do it don’t do it don’t do it

BAYLEY: imma rally and ropejump

BLISS: gettin outta the ring

BAYLEY: gonna chase you

NIA: nah

BLISS: facepunch

suddenly SASHA

SASHA: oh hi Nia

BLISS: huh

BAYLEY: bayley to belly pin

BLISS: fine

SASHA: YAY

COREY: phone’s interesting, gotta go see Kurt

COLE: ALSO THE ESPYS HAPPENED

KURT: might not wanna come clean

COREY: but you gotta come clean

KURT: k imma come clean

TITUS: hey Apollo and Tozawa y’all lost last week but you’re gonna win this week

DAIVARI: but Iran’s awesome and honor’s cool

TOZAWA: k let’s fight later

suddenly purple ro - actually nah

THE BRIAN: so I don’t like Jack cause reasons

JACK: and I don’t like you cause you don’t like me

GULAK, ALI: and we don’t like each other either

ALI: so imma pin The Brian

BEAR: neat

ZO: HOW YOU DOIN, imma chickenwalk, Cass sucks, he’s really big but so what cause imma keep fighting but Cass ran from Show

here’s CASS

CASS: imma beat you up so you’ll shut up

ZO: nah imma go sit with some kid cause Show

here’s SHOW

SHOW: I am very big

SHOW kills CASS

CASS: but I’m 7 foot tall

SHOW: have the hardest part of the ring

CASS: have facepunches

a large amount of beef ensues, CASS outbeefs SHOW

CHARLY: hey Roman, you’re fighting Joe and he’s beat you twice, how bout that

ROMAN: I beat Taker and now imma beat Joe then imma beat Bork and win the red belt cause big dog

SETH: we should fight the Miztourage

DEAN: nah cause Shield

KURT: y’all fight the Miztourage next week

DEAN: k

BEAR: that was quick

DRIFTER: imma siiiiiiiiing, Nashville suuuuuucks

FINN

does

his

whole

long

entrance

DRIFTER: guess we’re fighting

FINN: yep

DRIFTER: I got singerbeef, want some

FINN: not really

DRIFTER: don’t care

FINN: imma rally

DRIFTER: this is where I lose right

FINN: they usually do

DRIFTER: but powerbomb

FINN: but kicks for days

DRIFTER: has your face met my guitar

FINN: ow

heepajowapajooWAH

BRAY: hi, we’re feuding now

FINN: whee

KURT: imma tell people things later

BAYLEY: hey Kurt I wanna fight Bliss at Summerslam

SASHA: but I wanna fight Bliss at Summerslam

KURT: k, y’all fight next week for #1 contender

BEAR: well I’m sure Nia will be totally reasonable about that

CHARLY: hey Revival, you beat up the Hardyz last week, how bout that

REVIVAL: we like beating folks up

suddenly purple ro - LOL STILL NAH

DAIVARI: have a shoulder kick

TOZAWA: ow cause that was already hurt I guess

DAIVARI: have more beat-em-ups

TITUS: LOUD NOISES

DAIVARI: but your shoulder

TOZAWA: ow

TITUS: stop the match

REF: k

TOZAWA: WHY

TITUS: cause you’re hurt

TOZAWA: well now I hate you

TITUS: oh

YOU SUCK, YOU SUCK, YOU SUCK, YOU SUCK

BEAR: actually super hyped for this, they’ve built it up for weeks, I bet the payoff’s totally worth it

KURT: I have an illegitimate son and it’s Jordan

BEAR: neat

HARDYZ: time to delete things

REVIVAL: juuuuust waiting to hurt you

MATT: what was that

REVIVAL: we said it’s time to hurt you

MATT: delete tho

JEFF: imma help

REVIVAL: well huh

MATT: imma stay in for some reason

REVIVAL: you dun goofed

JEFF: stop that

REVIVAL: nah, gonna work the knee

MATT: imma ral - wait no my knee doesn’t work

REVIVAL: funny that

MATT: found a way to tag

JEFF: yay my turn

DAWSON: hi

JEFF: huh

REVIVAL: shatter mach-

MATT: nah

JEFF: twist of fate pin

DASH: nah

JEFF: then swanton b-

DAWSON: nah, pin

JEFF: nah

REF: yep

JEFF: WHAT

CHARLY: hey Joe, you’re fighting Roman, how bout that

JOE: imma win again

TITUS: hey Tozawa you still mad at me

TOZAWA: yep, I want another match with Daivari

TITUS: k

JOE: hey Roman how bout beef for the next 20 mins

ROMAN: have a slap

JOE: guess not

ROMAN: and now facepunches

JOE: better, have a flippykick pin

ROMAN: kickin out at 2

JOE: excuse me

ROMAN: yep just waitin to overcome things but please continue

JOE: happy to, rest holds for days

ROMAN: rally tho, time to overcome th-

JOE: gonna roll outta the ring

ROMAN: wanna clothesline each other

JOE: sure

ROMAN: now samoan drop pin

JOE: nah, pin

ROMAN: nah

more pin/nah til

ROMAN: superman punch, time to overcome th-

JOE: nah

BRAUUUUUUUUUUN

BEAR: how totally unexpected

BRAUN kills ROMAN

JOE: um hi we were fighting, have punches

BRAUN kills JOE then kills ROMAN some more til

JOE: coquina clutch to Braun

ROMAN: superman punch to Braun

BRAUN: totally fine

BRAUN kills everyone even more

SECURITY: hey maybe don’t

BRAUN looks at SECURITY

SECURITY: please continue

so he does

BRAUN: bored now, imma leave

ROMAN does not overcome things