WWE RAW (July 10, 2017) – Abridged

so at GBOF the heels won every match except BORK beat JOE plus ROMAN tried to murder BRAUN, time to abridge things

stadiums, fireworks, then/now/whatever

here’s a walking catchphrase

CASS: HOW YOU DOIN cause I killed Enzo at GBOF, Universe sucks, imma win the belt, I am very big

WEEEEEEEEEEEELL

SHOW: I am also very big, have some beef

CASS: run awayyyyyy

DRIFTER: imma siiiiiing, Finn suuuuuucks

FINN

does

his

whole

long

entrance

thing

DRIFTER: hey Finn, have some offense

FINN: dropkick, facekick, coup de gr-

DRIFTER: wait hold on how bout rest holds

FINN: oh must you

DRIFTER: have the hardest part of the ring and more rest holds

FINN: it’s funny how dumb you are

DRIFTER: surely your hurt shoulder will stop you

FINN: coup de grace

DRIFTER: oh

FINN: here’s the Hardyz

HARDYZ: hey

JEFF: hey we lost at GBOF, maybe we’re OBSOLETE

UNIVERSE: DELETE

VINCE: hey lawyer what does delete mean

LAWYER: money

VINCE: dammit how can I get it

LAWYER: hang on lemme sue this owl

suddenly GOODBROS

GOODBROS: you’re old

MATT: nah just a little BROKEN but let’s fight

GOODBROS: k can Jeff face in peril

JEFF: sure

GOODBROS: k have offense

JEFF: tag

MATT: YAAAAAAS

UNIVERSE: DELETE

GOODBROS: magic killer pin

JEFF: imma save Matt

not in time, HARDYZ lose, suddenly REVIVAL

REVIVAL: hi

REVIVAL kill HARDYZ

MIZ: it’s MizTV, time for awards, Bo and Axel get one

BO: thanks, Miz is awwwwww saaaaaaam

AXEL: what he said

MIZ: Maryse gets one too

MARYSE: yay

MIZ: so does Dean JK LOL I DO CAUSE I BEAT DEAN AT GBOF AND ALSO SETH SUCKS

suddenly DEAN

DEAN: imma beat up Miz

MIZ, BO, AXEL: an idiot says what

suddenly SETH

MIZ, BO, AXEL: oh

DEAN: um Seth why

SETH: cause Miz said things

DEAN: k but I don’t trust you cause reasons

SETH: k

SASHA: hey me and Bayley gonna fight Alexa and Nia

ALEXA: k, tag

NIA: hi

BAYLEY: imma tag myself in

NIA: are you a moron

BAYLEY: probably

SASHA: also Alexa dies, tag

NIA: yeah tag

ALEXA: gorramit no, tag

BAYLEY: I totally have a chance

ALEXA: nah, distraction

NIA kills BAYLEY then ALEXA does too

ALEXA: twisted bliss pin

SASHA: nah

NIA: bye

BAYLEY: rollup pin

ALEXA: wait

BAYLEY wins cause why not

GOLDUST: I’m a heel with a film gimmick

TRUTH: WHAT’S UP

UNIVERSE: what’s up

GOLDUST: I’m in widescreen, imma fight you now

TRUTH: k

insert standard match

GOLDUST: pin

TRUTH: k

YOU SUCK, YOU SUCK, YOU SUCK, YOU SUCK

KURT: Braun’s hurt, here’s Bork

yup

KURT: you beat me at Mania, nice job beating Joe

HEYMAN: yeah he’s Bork, he beats people

KURT: now about Summerslam

HEYMAN: nah

suddenly ROMAN

KURT: hey Roman you went too far at GBOF

ROMAN: nah cause hardcore

KURT: um still nah

ROMAN: so I face Bork at Summerslam

HEYMAN: k

BORK: um very nah

suddenly JOE

JOE: hi

BORK: I beat you at GBOF

JOE: yeah but kinda nah

testosterone happens til

KURT: Joe and Roman fight in a #1 contender match next week unless they fight this week

BORK eats the testosterone

COREY: my phone’s suddenly real interesting

KURT: hey mine too

COREY: whatcha gonna do

KURT: idk cause this is super serious

BEAR: oh you tease

suddenly purple ropes, TOZAWA and CEDRIC tag against DAR and NEVILLE

CEDRIC: Dar gets an elbow

DAR: but I love Foxy

FOXY: you have a booger in your nose

TOZAWA: and now you have a dropkick in it too

DAR: tag

TOZAWA: LOUD NOISES

NEVILLE: hey Dar wanna do heel things

DAR: sure

they do, TOZAWA’s in peril

COLE: HEY COREY WHY IS KURT’S PHONE SO INTERESTING

COREY: there’s a match happening

TOZAWA: tag

CEDRIC: flippy stuff

NEVILLE: low blow

CEDRIC: very nah, same to you

TOZAWA: rope kick

NEVILLE: VERY NAH

TOZAWA flippypins NEVILLE

CHARLY: hey Seth, you helped Dean but member how Bray eyepoked you at GBOF, how bout that

SETH: yeah I helped Dean and Bray still sucks

heepajowapajooWAH

BRAY: imma creepytalk for a bit then imma fight Seth

SETH: k

BRAY: have cornerbeef

SETH: kick pin

BRAY: nah but sister ab-

SETH: nah, imma...

RANDY: no no no we were doing so well

SETH:...dive and fingerstomp

BRAY: k but slam

SETH: k but offense

BRAY: k but ddt and rest holds and just overall beef

SETH: how does beef hold up to kicks tho

BRAY: not well apparently

SETH: imma...

RANDY: HAVE YOU NO SHAME

SETH:...dive and jumpypin

BRAY: nah

SETH: how bout falcon arrow pin

BRAY: nah but how’s your eye

SETH: fine

BRAY: headbutt, how bout now

SETH: suddenly nah

BRAY: sister abigail

BRAY wins, suddenly heepajowapajooMIZ

MIZ: hi

BO, AXEL: also we’re here

SETH: welp

suddenly DEAN

DEAN: got a chair, have it

SETH: well huh

KURT: hey phone person, let’s tell the Universe about stuff next week, love ya

BEAR: oh crap it’s Steph isn’t it