WWE SmackDown Live (June 27, 2017) - Abridged

stadiums, fireworks, then/now/whatever

YES YES YES etc.

DBRY: gonna have a women’s title fight and women’s MITB match tonight, yay women

suddenly CARMELLA and JOBBER

CARMELLA: but I won the MITB match cause a MITB match has no rules and I got the contract

BEAR: she’s got a point

DBRY: but no one’s ever gotten the contract and handed it to a winner, does the Universe still want the match

UNIVERSE: YES

JOBBER: you people suck, DBry sucks and isn’t a dude and can’t wrassle

DBRY: weeeeeeell I’m your boss so imma ban you from the building

suddenly SECURITY

JOBBER: run awayyyyy

SECURITY: nah

HYPEBROS: we are very hype

USOS: but our day one is h

HYPEBROS: have hypebeef

USOS: can one of you face in peril

ZACK: hypey to

he does til

ZACK: imma rally, tag

MOJO: now I’m hype, tag

USOS: nah, facekick

ZACK: broski b-

USOS: nah, pin

ZACK: very not hype

suddenly NEWDAY

NEWDAY: gonna beat y’all for the belts at Battleground

USOS: k bye

NEWDAY: nah, have bad raps

here’s BREEZANGO doing Miami Vice

BREEZE: let’s good cop/bad cop

FANDANGO: imma good cop, have Eddie Money tix

ASCENSION: wasn’t us

BREEZE: now imma good cop, have a cheese plate

ASCENSION: same answer

FANDANGO: I think we were both good cops

BREEZE: yeah but our office just got wrecked so whodunit

ASCENSION: same answer, mmm cheese

suddenly blacklights

NAOMI: time to fight Lana for the belt

LANA: imma get you before the bell

NAOMI: um

LANA: pin

NAOMI: nah, moonsault pin

LANA: k

DASHA: hey Becky, you’re fighting in the MITB match, how bout that

BECKY: imma win it

AIDEN: imma siiiiiiiiing

suddenly RANDY

RANDY: leave

AIDEN: not leaving

RANDY: RKO

AIDEN leaves

RANDY: hey Jinder gimme a rematch or imma beat you up a ton

suddenly a cool dad with money

SHANE: don’t beat up Jinder

RANDY: imma beat up Jinder til I get a rematch

SHANE: k you get one at Battleground but Jinder chooses the match stip

suddenly JINDER

JINDER: Randy shouldn’t get a rematch but since he does it’s a punjabi prison match

BEAR: whodathunkit

DBRY: hey AJ

AJ: i wanna do Merica’s open challenge

MERICA: but I beat you so nah

AJ: you suck

DBRY: battle royale next week to see who faces Merica at Battleground

AJ: yay

MERICA: nah

HERE’S TO THE GREATEST greatest LOVE I’VE EVER KNOOOOOOOOWN

MARIA: I’m the First Lady of SDL

MIKE: I took her last name

suddenly SAMI

SAMI: sorry got a match with Baron

BARON: hey

SAMI: imma...

RANDY: do you hafta

SAMI:...dive

BARON: caught you, now face in peril

SAMI: was planning on it

SAMI does his thing til

SAMI: time to rally

NAK: imma watch on a random TV

BARON: rally’s over

SAMI: see you say that

BARON: yes I do, end of days pin

SAMI: k

DASHA: hey Nak, Baron beat up Sami, how bout that

NAK: Baron should be scared of my facegrimacing

TOM: New Day’s gonna rap battle the Usos next week

BEAR: that should be a neat trainwreck

women’s MITB time

CARMELLA: while y’all beat up each other imma get a ladder

EVERYONE: neat, die

she does

TAMINA: imma climb

EVERYONE: nah

BECKY: bexploders to Nattie and Charlotte

TAMINA: samoan drop, totally got a chance

UNIVERSE laughs uncontrollably

CHARLOTTE: time to fight with Nattie for a bit

CARMELLA: don’t forget me, have a facekick

TAMINA: nah, go over the announce table

BEAR: hey Universe

UNIVERSE: yep

BEAR: I can’t keep up with all the spotmonkeying, so imma abridge this abridging

EVERYONE ladderbeats EVERYONE til EVERYONE’s outta the ring

NATTIE: imma climb

CHARLOTTE: imma stop you

BECKY: imma also climb

TAMINA: ooh me too

LADDER: very nah, all y’all get off me

CARMELLA: guess imma climb

EVERYONE: gonna move the ladder

CARMELLA: imma jump on y’all

CHARLOTTE: imma pin Tamina under the ladder and climb

CARMELLA: nah

TAMINA: imma do a ladderpushup, y’all get off it, imma climb

NATTIE: very nah

BECKY: what she said, double powerbomb

NATTIE: and powerbomb to you

EVERYONE keeps beating up EVERYONE, suddenly JOBBER

JOBBER: imma climb

BEAR: and just where is DBry

BECKY: very nah

CARMELLA: then imma climb

BECKY: still nah

CARMELLA: steel chair, imma win

UNIVERSE: oh