WWE RAW (June 12, 2017) – Abridged

here’s BORK

HEYMAN: Joe choked me last week so Bork’s gonna kill Joe, Joe’s a bad Samoan and can’t coquina clutch Bork

suddenly JOE

JOE: imma get in the ring

BORK: k

JOE: imma stare you down

BORK: k

JOE: imma shoulderbump you

BORK: DIE.

KURT: security plz

BORK and JOE kill SECURITY

KURT: everyone plz

EVERYONE separates BORK and JOE, BORK rage-eats a whole swampful of gators

DRIFTER: imma siiiiiiiing, Louisiana suuuuuuucks

suddenly DEAN

DEAN: hey BFF, wanna crazyfight

DRIFTER: cool bro

DEAN: dude your mat game strong

DRIFTER: thanks man, nice rally

DEAN: hey check this dive out

RANDY: nope nope nope

DRIFTER: duuuuuude awesome

DEAN: now imma jump on you

suddenly MIZ

MIZ: DISTRACTIOOOOOOOON

DRIFTER: sorry Dean but imma pin

DEAN: nah

DRIFTER: phew

DEAN: now Miz dies

MIZ: ow

DEAN: imma get back in

DRIFTER: pin

DEAN: k

DRIFTER: we cool

DEAN: totally man, wanna go eat cajun

DRIFTER: yuuuuup

GOLDUST: I’m a heel now and still bizarre

KURT: um Miz why’d you interfere

MIZ: cause Dean interfered last week

KURT: don’t care

MIZ: how’s your phone

KURT: shut up

MIZ: punish Dean

KURT: nah you do it

MIZ: k that works

VIDEO: Cedric’s great

CEDRIC: hey Noam let’s not fight cause I don’t like Foxy anymore

FOXY: heyyyyyyyyy I’m facetiming Noam cause I’m hurt, he’s gonna fight you

CEDRIC: really

NOAM: sure

suddenly purple ropes

FOXY: imma facetime Noam alllllllll the way to the ring

BEAR: this is...sad

CEDRIC: you’re not kidding, pin

NOAM: k

FOXY: hey Noam

FOXY: Noam

FOXY: NOAM

NOAM: sighhhhhhhhh

COLE: ROMAN’S NOT HERE THIS WEEK

SMARKIVERSE dies of happiness

heepajowapajoowah

BRAY: imma creepytalk bout how I beat Seth cause he said bad stuff bout me

suddenly SETH

SETH: Bray’s a lying coward who hides the truth from everyone

BEAR: weeeeeeeeeell

BRAY: yeah but you suck

heepajowapajooWAH

BRAY: plus I can teleport onto the Tron

SETH: neat

CHARLY: hey Hardyz, you’re gonna fight Sheamsaro, how bout that

HARDYZ: we’re gonna beat Sheamsaro

KALISTO: already in the ring

APOLLO: YAY TITUS BRAND

KALISTO: wait you’re good with this

TITUS: he’s good with this, also Tozawa’s in the front row

TOZAWA: hi

TITUS: check out my brand

TOZAWA: shut up

KALISTO: hey Apollo have flippiness

APOLLO: but powerbomb pin

KALISTO: k

TITUS: hey Tozawa get in the ring

TOZAWA: um

SLATERHYNO: ooh crackers and cheese whiz

MIZ: hey Slater wanna join my stable

RHYNO: how bout me

MIZ: nah

BEAR: are you an idiot

SLATER: IC title shot?

MIZ: sure maybe whatever

RHYNO: hey Miz get a partner, imma talk to Kurt, we’re fighting you later

RHYNO eats his feelings

BLISS: not gonna fight tonight

suddenly NIA

BLISS: hey Nia you’re really awesome and great and Mickie and Dana ruined stuff last week and please don’t kill me

suddenly MICKIE and DANA

MICKIE: Bliss is short, I won the title a bunch

DANA: Bliss tried to recruit us to beat up Nia

BLISS: fake news

suddenly EMMA

UNIVERSE: eh

EMMA: I’m awesome, gimme your title

BLISS: hey Nia you should go fight them

suddenly SASHA

UNIVERSE: YAY

SASHA: have a facepunch

everyone brawls

KURT: Bliss/Nia/Emma tag against Dana/Sasha/Mickie

BEAR: k but why

EMMA: imma beat up Dana

DANA: tag

SASHA: facekicks

EMMA: tag?

BLISS: bye

SASHA: bank statement

EMMA: tap

BEAR: yawn

BOOKER, COLE, GRAVES: the WWE Network tho

VIDEO: Finn’s great

GRAVES: hey Bayley, you lost to Bliss, how bout that

BAYLEY: I’ve never been in a match where you inflict pain

BEAR: hey Vince, member her MOTY

VINCE: nah

BAYLEY: I just wanna hug people and stuff

GRAVES: what’s next

BAYLEY: imma win the belt cause dreams

GRAVES: cool imma g-

BAYLEY: hug?

GRAVES: ummmmmmm

BAYLEY hugs GRAVES, it’s uncomfortable

MIZ: time to tag

suddenly FAKEBEAR on a trike

BEAR: kill. it. with fire.

MIZ: not tagging with Fakebear

UNIVERSE: WE WANT BEAR

BEAR cries a little

SLATERHYNO: gonna beat up miz

FAKEBEAR: tag to miz

BEAR: YES NOW IT DIES

FAKEBEAR: bearhug

MIZ: Fakebear dies

BEAR: MIZ IS MY NEW FAVORITE PERSON

FAKEBEAR: now I’m Dean

MARYSE: nah

DEAN: have a Miz

MIZ: NAH

DEAN: Slater wins, Miz gets Fakebeared

BEAR: screw you Dean

suddenly purple ropes

RICH: can you handle this

NEVILLE: yep

NEVILLE kills RICH

NEVILLE: imma king, Tozawa’s next feud

CHARLY: hey Sheamsaro, you’re fighting the Hardyz, how bout that

SHEAMSARO: the Hardyz suck, we’re The Bar

BEAR: k

CASS: got hit in the head, can’t stand up

ENZO: maybe don’t fight Goodbros

CASS: still gonna fight

BEAR: um concussed much

GOODBROS: we win

suddenly SHOW

SHOW: I am very big

GOODBROS: run awayyyyyy

ENZO: thanks Show, have a hug

CASS: very nah

TRUTH: imma beat up Goldust sometime

ENZO: hey Show, did you beat up Cass

SHOW: nah but Cass prob thinks so

MIKE: hey Joe, Bork and you brawled tonight, how bout that

JOE: imma beat Bork at GBOF

JEFF: let’s fight, quickoffense, twist of f-

SHEAMUS: ropebrogue and first pin

JEFF: k

SHEAMUS: mat game strong

JEFF: so am I in peril

SHEAMUS: guess so, tag

JEFF: also tag

MATT: YAAAAAAS

UNIVERSE: DELETE

VINCE: wait I think I got it

VINCE: nope dammit still nothin

MATT: first pin

CESARO: k, uppercut, tag

MATT: so now I’m in peril huh

SHEAMUS: yep

MATT: rally and tag

JEFF: pin

CESARO: nah

MATT: nah

SHEAMUS: hey Jeff, have a rope, pin

JEFF: nah but have a ringpost swanton pin

CESARO: nah

HARDYZ: brawl time

REF: TEN

JEFF: don’t care, dive

THE BAR: don’t care, belts