"Hey there, everybody out there everybody, I'm John Cena, master motivater -- self proclaimed. I'm about to go through a series of scenarios to teach you how to find your grit, so to speak.
"So, we've all lived. Sometimes in life the human body does uncomfortable and embarrassing things. Flatulence, we all know them and very rarely talk about them at parties but we've all had to deal with that situation where there's a cauldron brewing down below. But you're sitting at a table for 20, most of them dignitaries, everybody in a neatly pressed suit and exotic clothes and you're looking around going 'man, I just can't fart here. It's not the time for it.'
"But you feel as if you can't hold it another second, because your stomach is filled with sharp envelopes and you want to release them, you want to release their information to the world. Well, you can't. You can't. Bear down. Grab on to the seat handle if you need to. If the seats don't have arms like this couch I'm sitting on well grab on to the underneath. And just tense yourself up. Think about your integrity, think about your respect. You can't basically air shit in front of anyone and everyone that's at this public gathering. You have to be careful about those moments.
"Because what if it's audible? Or what if it smells horrible and it's not audible? Or what if it's the true combo pack and it's audible and it smells horrible? Find the time to hold it in and gently and forgivingly excuse yourself to a private place, which is usually a bathroom. Then why are bathrooms designed like echo chambers? Because then it would just echo through the halls. Find a private place to do your business. Hold it in. The south mouth shouldn't do the talking in inappropriate situations.
"Give 'em hell. Counting on you."
Hope you’re having a good Sunday, Cagesiders.