WWE SmackDown Live (May 9, 2017) - Abridged

stadiums, fireworks, then/now/whatever

here’s RANDY and his rampsnake, guess he has the belt now

RANDY: Jinder screwed me at Payback

suddenly JINDER and SINGHBROS

JINDER: here’s some pics with the belt, imma beat you at Backlash, I’M DIVERRRRRRRSE

suddenly MERICA

MERICA: shut up cause i’m Merica, imma beat AJ at Backlash then imma get the WWE belt

suddenly AJ

AJ: shut up cause i’m SDL, imma beat you at Backlash

suddenly BARON

BARON: shut up cause-

suddenly SAMI

SAMI: screw it let’s just brawl

everyone does that, faces stand tall, etc.

suddenly here’s TAMINA, CARMELLA, and JOBBER

JOBBER: hey Universe you’re British and therefore gross

CARMELLA: here’s Nattie

suddenly blacklights

NAOMI: here’s Becky

suddenly CHARLOTTE

CHARLOTTE: here’s Charlotte

BEAR: welp the entire division’s at ringside, no way this could go wrong

NATTIE: here’s some offense and rest holds

BECKY: but muh straight fire, imma do a rope jump

TAMINA: stop that

NAOMI: stop THAT

NATTIE: distract-o-pin

BECKY: sure

here’s LANA doing more cabaret chair dancing

CHARLOTTE: there’s no excuse for Becky losing, Naomi you suck

NAOMI: yeah well you suck

BECKY: but Nattie and the others suck worse, let’s beat em at Backlash

NAOMI, CHARLOTTE: k

here’s BREEZANGO doing Law and Order

BREEZANGO: ooh look it’s paint, bet it’s the Usos

suddenly yelling behind a door

BREEZANGO: probs the Usos, let’s kick down the door

BREEZANGO just open the door, it’s ASCENSION just yelling at each other

BREEZANGO: oh

LUKE: hey Creative, got anything for me

CREATIVE: go fight Rowan I guess

LUKE: k

LUKE and ROWAN exchange beef for a while til

ROWAN: eyepoke and pin cause my mask told me to

LUKE: k

DOLPH: hey Universe I’ve been fighting forever and you hate me but you like Nak so you suck

suddenly NAK

DOLPH: fight me

NAK: k

DOLPH: actually nah cause heel so let’s fight at Backlash

NAK: aww

DOLPH: but imma beat you up now

NAK: nah buuuuuuut

NAK beats up DOLPH

SAMI: heyguysthanksforfightingwithmesolet’sallstrategizeaboutthis

RANDY, AJ: how much coffee have you had today

SAMI: nottoomuchbutyeahRandystrikefastandAJmakesureyoubeatMerica

RANDY, AJ: bye

VIDEO: New Day coming soon

BREEZANGO: gotta fight Ascension cause they left paint everywhere

ASCENSION: surely we’re gonna win

BREEZANGO: hilarious

BREEZANGO squash ASCENSION, suddenly USOS

USOS: IN 12 DAYS Y’ALL CAN DO BACK STUFF

BREEZANGO: really

USOS: UCE

BREEZANGO: no

THE BRIAN: there will be purple ropes later

MOJO: giving small kids a tour for some reason, Andre the Giant got bullied and he was still awesome so bullying’s not cool

UNIVERSE: then why is JBL still on commentary

VINCE: BE A STAAAAAAAAAAAR

RUSEV: imma come to SDL next week so Shane can tell me if imma fight for the WWE belt

here’s a six man tag

AJ: kicks and tag

BARON: tag

JINDER: offense?

SAMI: nah and tag

JINDER: tag

MERICA: my turn

RANDY: you get facepunches

MERICA: tag then

SAMI: i’m face in peril

MERICA, JINDER, BARON: k

SAMI: hot tag to AJ

AJ: fun, pin to Baron

BARON: very nah

AJ: then calf crusher

MERICA: nah

AJ: then phenomenal f-

MERICA: still nah, pin him Baron

BARON: k

AJ: nah but imma face in peril for a bit

JINDER: cool

RANDY: my turn, everyone gets powerslams and vintage ortons

SINGHBROS: let’s do something for once

then a finisherpalooza until

RANDY: RKO to Merica

JINDER: but i’m legal so cobra clutch slam and pin

RANDY: k

JINDER: and this totally means imma beat you at Backlash

VINCE: ehhhhhh