WWE SmackDown Live (May 30, 2017) - Abridged

stadiums, fireworks, then/now/whatever

CHARLOTTE: I have good genes so imma win the #1 contender fight

CARMELLA: I’m a teacher so imma win the #1 contender fight

NATTIE: I’m the best so imma win the #1 contender fight

BECKY: I’m Irish so imma win the #1 contender fight

TAMINA: I’m Tamina so imma win the #1 contender fight

MERICA: it’s highlight reel time, imma win the MITB match, here’s Shin

SHIN

does

his

whole

long

entrance

MERICA: you suck but you’re weird, I beat up Jericho

SHIN: weeeeeeeeell-

suddenly BARON

BARON: yeah Shin sucks but I’m great, here’s video of me murderdeathkilling Sami

MERICA: already did that a kjgbillion times, get out

BARON: nah, imma win the MITB match

SHIN: well I pinned Merica last week and Sami beat Baron a bunch so

BARON: bored now, let’s fight

suddenly SAMI

SAMI: imma help, wanna tag Shin

SHIN: k, here’s some flippy rest holds

BARON: push

SHIN: k, here’s some strong style

SAMI: tag

BARON: does this ever go well for you

SAMI: eh

BARON: tag

MERICA: yes please

SAMI: but muh offense

MERICA: huh, tag

BARON: hey Sami wanna face in peril now

SAMI: it’s what I do

SAMI face in perils for a while til

SAMI: blue thunder bomb

MERICA: neat, tag

BARON: time for some pain

SAMI: speaking of, tag

SHIN: strong style and pin to Merica

BARON: nah

SAMI: death to Baron

MERICA: death to you

SAMI: dodge

PICCOLO: see Gohan it’s easy

BARON: ow, death to Meri-

BEAR: WHOA WHOA WHOA LET’S NOT

SHIN: kinshasa and pin

MERICA: k

TOM, JBL, BYRON: the WWE Network tho

USOS: Falcons suck, we’re the best tag team

suddenly NEW DAY

XAVIER: you were saying

USOS: oh

XAVIER: also I’m from Atlanta

USOS: the SDL tag division’s our jail

NEW DAY: and we know what happens in jail

BEAR: very nah

USOS: well we’re gonna shoot you like Old Yeller

BEAR: VERY nah

NEW DAY: how bout we just fight at MITB

USOS: k

BEAR: phew

VIDEO: member how Jinder’s champ and is Indian

here’s FANDANGO doing Dragnet (I think)

FANDANGO: welp fashion police office got burgled

suddenly a lady silhouette

BREEZE: it’s actually me

they hear each other’s thoughts for a bit

FANDANGO: ooh cologne

BREEZE: don’t you mean Colons

FANDANGO: let’s go find em

BEAR: completely un-freaking-abridgeable

time for the womens’ #1 contender match

WOMEN: let’s all brawl first

REF: no please stop or whatever

BECKY: imma kill Carmella

TAMINA: imma kill Charlotte

CHARLOTTE: imma kill Nattie

REF: imma get more refs

CARMELLA: imma kill Charlotte

BECKY: imma kill Carmella again

REFS: should we do something

CHARLOTTE: imma throw Nattie through a table

REFS: we should probably do something

suddenly a cool dad with money

SHANE: y’all are crazy so womens’ MITB match

WOMEN: k

COLONS: time to fight Breezango

BREEZE: but can I fight in a dress

COLON: nah

FANDANGO: how bout a trenchcoat

COLON: um

FANDANGO: and I have a water gun

COLON: UM

FANDANGO: get outta the ring

COLONS: can you just face in peril for a bit

FANDANGO: sure

BREEZE: I’m a janitor now

FANDANGO: then imma rally, tag

BREEZE: pin

COLON: k

BREEZANGO: yay mops

RENEE: hey AJ, you’re fighting Dolph tonight, how bout that

AJ: imma win the MITB match

DOLPH: nah cause imma win the MITB match, wanna fight now

AJ: sure

DOLPH: nah, later

here’s RANDY and his rampsnake

RANDY: hi I’m Randy, I’m great, my dad and granddad were great too, imma beat Jinder at MITB

suddenly JINDER

JINDER: I’m on the tron, USA sucks, I’m Indian, and I’m champ

RANDY: neat

UNIVERSE: yawn

RICH, SASHA: there will be purple ropes later

DOLPH: cool but first AJ gets a ringpost

AJ: ow

DOLPH: now can you face in peril

AJ: nah

DOLPH: what

AJ: have all my offense

DOLPH: wait

AJ: now some turnbuckles

DOLPH: stop

AJ: and a top rope-

DOLPH: k you know what have a ddt

AJ: huh

DOLPH: and a headbutt

AJ: cool

DOLPH: and a top rope-

AJ: nah, calf crusher

DOLPH: got your nose

AJ: ow

DOLPH: zigzag and pin

AJ: nah

DOLPH: then superkick and pin

AJ: sure

DOLPH: I totally have a chance to win MITB now

BEAR: adorable