WWE SmackDown Live (Apr. 4, 2017) - Abridged

stadiums, fireworks, then/now/#ThankYouTaker

VIDEO: member Mania

TOM: time for SmarkDownLive

here’s RANDY and his rampsnake

RANDY: I beat Bray at Mania

heepajowapajooWAAAAH

BRAY: imma slooooooowly beat you for the belt in a house of horrors match sometime

RANDY: um what’s that

BRAY: something creepy I just came up with

RANDY: cool let’s do it, also fight me now

suddenly BRAY

BRAY: k

suddenly ROWAN

ROWAN: also k

suddenly LUKE

LUKE: imma save Randy

BRAY, ROWAN: run awayyyyyy

RENEE: hey Miz, Cena proposed to Nikki, how bout that

MIZ, MARYSE: we basically made him do that, we’re gonna call em out tonight

suddenly blacklights and also BLISS, it’s a rematch for the belt

BLISS: beatdown time

NAOMI: for you, sure

BLISS: how’s your knee

NAOMI: fine I guess

BLISS: cool imma beat it up

BLISS does that

SMARKIVERSE: DELETE, DELETE, DELETE

HARDYS: you know we’re on Raw right

NAOMI: oh wow my knee totally hurts you guys but imma still rally tho

BLISS: ddt and pin

NAOMI: nah

BLISS: hair-based offense

NAOMI: butt-based offense and pin

BLISS: nah

NAOMI: but it’s my hometown so I gotta win right

BLISS: fiiiiiiine

NAOMI wins

here’s a glorified JOBBER named CURT

CURT: open challenge

TEN TEN TEN etc.

TYE: imma ten

CURT: imma beat you up

TYE: o rly

TYE kills CURT

DASHA: hey Mojo, you won the Andre with Gronk, how bout that

MOJO: it was pretty great

DASHA: how’d you celebrate

MOJO: by being sad cause Andre’s dead but imma win stuff now

TOM: Shane’s gonna talk about the redraft in a bit

MIZ/CENA: BRRRRRR APPLEDude I’m totally Cena and please don’t say I suck

SMARKIVERSE: CENA SUCKS

MIZ/CENA: like candy from a baby, anywho thanks for conning me into proposing Nikki

MARYSE/NIKKI: we’re self-centered and vapid so we’re gonna leave WWE

MIZ/CENA: yep

SMARKIVERSE: YAY NO MORE CENA

suddenly a violin, everything is fantastic, BEAR swoons

SHINSUKE: hi, bye

BEAR: wait that’s it

it’s street fight time

BARON: ooh we can fight anywhere, guess imma beat you up in the ring

DEAN: dude really

BARON: fine how bout I get a chair

DEAN: lame, my turn

DEAN throws BARON over a table and into the crowd

BARON: k, how bout I get more chairs and a table and smash you through it

DEAN: better

BARON: and get a leather strap to whip you

DEAN: NOW we’re getting somewhere, have a chair on the turnbuckle then imma beat you with the strap and ooh a table

DEAN elbowdrops BARON through it

BARON: ooh a chair, imma throw it at you and end of days

DEAN: but I was having fuuuuuuun

BARON wins

here’s a cool dad with MONEYMONEYMONEYMONEY etc.

SHANE: redraft’s on Monday, SDL’s better than RAW

suddenly AJ

AJ: hey FYI I wanna stay on SDL cause it’s my show, anyway imma shake your hand cause Mania was great

SHANE: k

AJ: facepunch?

SHANE: better not

AJ: k

ARIES: there will be purple ropes later, imma fight some flippy guys for #1 contender

heepajowapajooWAAAAH and flashlights, here’s BRAY and ROWAN then LUKE and RANDY

ROWAN: hey Randy want some beef

RANDY: k

ROWAN gives RANDY a large amount of beef

BRAY: tag, needs more beef

LUKE: you rang

even more beef ensues

ROWAN: pin

LUKE: nah

ROWAN: more beef?

LUKE: yup

BRAY: k

BRAY and ROWAN beat up LUKE, there is a sudden nationwide beef shortage

JBL: hope we get Chet Chetterfield in the redraft

BEAR: I want this more than anything ever in my life

LUKE: hey Bray, slam and tag

RANDY: powerslam and vintage Or-

BRAY: yeah nah

RANDY: k I guess you’ll do

heepajowapajooWAAAAH

BRAY: run awayyyyyy

RANDY: welp Rowan gets an RKO

ROWAN: dude Bray do you want me to turn on you

BRAY: eh