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Alexa Bliss versus the world: Journey to the Red Land

A ‘Disney’ story.

Alexa Bliss on Monday Night Raw

Read the prior installment of Alexa Bliss versus the world.

When last we left her, Alexa was on the verge of walking into the Greatest of Galas in Swampland as the Blue Belle of the Ball, challenged to defend her Diadem by facing all the evil Stepsisters available. She was certain she would emerge victorious and prove her virtue to the assembled Kingsfolk.

But through a confluence of tyrannies, she was robbed of her crown by the wickedest of them all, Glowy. First there was the stipulation of “one versus all” forced on her by her doltish Stepfather, Gnomey, who wanted nothing more than to see her unseated from the throne. Worse, there was the rather overt conspiracy to hold the Gala in Swampland, the home of Glowy—where she was certain to receive every advantage possible. Somehow everyone failed to note to Alexa that the Royal Avenue was 80 yards long, putting her—with her extremely short limbs—at a distinct disadvantage compared to the Stepsisters. (Golden Gate, it was very much not.)

Such a coincidence, that.

Little surprise, then, that Glowy did indeed walk out of her hometown with the Diadem, having cruelly and viciously threatened to break Alexa’s neck in order to steal the crown. To Alexa, it all seemed downright predetermined.

The night after the Greatest of Galas, it was announced that their would be opportunities for Superior Stars from both the Red and Blue Lands to venture to the other Magical Kingdom. Alexa, however, still had an opportunity to reclaim her Diadem from Glowy, but was again tricked by her new rival who forced Alexa to submit in unfair fashion. Aware of the “Shake-Up,” and still embittered over being cheated out of her Blue Diadem time and again, Alexa readily applied for the switch. Her request for asylum was immediately received by the new leader of the Red Land, ol’ Uncle Three Sides, who was on the lookout for dynamic characters such as her.

Though she would never admit it, Alexa felt a pang of sadness inside over leaving the Blue Land. While the official motto of the Kingdom—the “Land of Opportunity”—were simply words meant to get the sheeple in line, it had proven itself true for her. Of course, she barely managed to grab her opportunities in the face of resistance from Gnomey and the Stepsisters, but grab them she did. She had truly made her mark in the Blue Land. While surely she could have taken her Diadem back from Glowy, who was merely fluking her way into undeserved triumphs, Alexa, who always sought out the most exigent of scenarios to conquer, decided to challenge herself to once again become the Belle of the Ball. This time, however, she would journey to the Red Land and win their coveted Diadem, which until now has been in the sole possession of Equines.

Led by Corey of House Serious, the people of Red Land heralded her arrival. Clearly demonstrating their preference of her to the squabbling Equine duo of Middle Management and Personal Space Invader—who currently held the Red Land’s Diadem—they gave her a thunderous cheer when her tailored ballad played throughout the Land. She exchanged a quick glance with her old arch-enemy, Middle Management, before she got down to business.

As she gently reminded the Equines that perhaps they should take their personal drama elsewhere—as it’s surely not fitting for such a public setting—the people quickly rallied to her righteous cause. Unsure of the true loyalties of the people of Red Land—they are usually so negative on the Night of Mon, and had been indoctrinated with the spell of the Equines for so long—Alexa was wary of their support, and sincerely suggested that the people prove their righteousness and loyalty. She couldn’t yet trust them.

Alexa quickly got back to the task at hand. Gently and kindly, she told the Equines that while she was not yet the Belle of the Ball, she soon would be. She’d proven her superiority time and again to all and sundry in the Blue Land, and therefore was over the battles with all her fellow Stepsisters. (And thankfully, she was finally away from that dratted Orange Troll. Agent Orange, Alexa had taken to calling her old nemesis, as she was simply an unwitting tool of Gnomey—another from the Blue Land Alexa surely would not miss.)

She now wished to challenge herself against the Night of Mon’s Belles, including these two Equines, as despite their past mistreatment of her in Swampland, they had reputations of being among the fairest Belles of them all. Unfortunately for Alexa, this was the moment that Crazy—and how terribly unsurprising was it that she was the one to follow Alexa to the Red Land?—decided to make her presence felt.

Crazy had a long history of stalking Belles of Golden Hair, and surely her appearance on the Night of Mon was yet another indicator that she was becoming increasingly obsessed with Alexa. Thankfully her oration was interrupted by the The One Not Like Most Others, who put Crazy in her proper place—face first on the floor—and then entered the ring to confront Alexa and the Equines.

Unsure of what to do, Alexa could only point in confusion and horror at Crazy’s fate. Since she was a newcomer to the Red Land, she found it inappropriate for her to be the one to resort to physical confrontation. Instead, she politely suggested her old rival Middle Management confer with the new threat, to ascertain her intentions. Brash and overconfident as ever, Middle Management instead attempted to attack The One Not Like Most Others, which backfired spectacularly. Personal Space Invader was the next to be quickly put down, while Alexa wisely vacated to the passageway. But before leaving the area entirely she looked back in worry at Crazy, Middle Management, and Personal Space Invader, all lying prone. They may not be her favorites, and clearly have shown themselves to be duplicitous time and again—but I am not a monster, thought Alexa. Hopefully they would be all right… and besides, how would Alexa prove herself against these supposed fairest Belles if they were in such a weakened state?

Her good heartedness nearly cost her. The One Not Like Most Others confronted her on the entryway, but merely gazed at Alexa before walking off. This prompted a smile from Alexa—even the biggest possible opponent was aware of her sterling reputation and passed on initiating any conflict.

Alexa smirked and thought, Nights of Mon might not be so bad after all: I thought they called this place “War”? (An accurate depiction of this scene is shown at top.)

On this Night of Mon, the Red Land stops in Alexa’s old home of Cowtown. Alexa has vowed to make an impression on all The Blissed Ones in attendance, and to begin her quest for the Red Land’s Diadem. One phrase, as always, continued to ring throughout her head:

I’m Alexa—which means I’m better than you.

To Be Continued... (maybe)

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