WWE SmackDown Live (April 11, 2017) – Abridged

stadiums, fireworks, then/now/whatever

TOM: SDL’s getting shook

suddenly a large child who kinda looks like KO

KO: I’m on SDL now so this is the KO show, Canada’s better than the US at hockey and in general, parlez vous Francais, I am Merica

suddenly BARON

BARON: I beat Dean then he beat you so wanna fight for the belt

KO: nah

suddenly SAMI

KO: get out

SAMI: nah, I’m on SDL now

BARON: no one cares

suddenly AJ

AJ: hey KO, other dudes, this is still my show

suddenly DBRY

DBRY: KO fights Jericho for the belt at Payback, whoever wins gets an SDL spot so no belt matches yet, but #1 contender triple threat tonight

here’s steampunk sheep ROWAN, BECKY frantically searches for goggles backstage

RANDY: have six facepunches

ROWAN: I can facepunch too

RANDY: k but powerslam and steel steps and vintage orton and RK-

heepajowapajooWAH

BRAY: hi Randy I’m still creepy and such, imma beat you at Payback, maniacal laugh

ROWAN: also have steel steps

REF: dq

ROWAN: but I went into steel steps a minute ago

REF: eh

ROWAN: fiiiiiiiiine but Randy gets a slam

USOS fight ALPHA for the tag belts

JBL: SDL’s tag division is the best in years

BEAR: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

BEAR: wait

BEAR: you were serious

BEAR: oh

insert standard USOS/ALPHA match until

GABLE: rollup

USO: nah

JORDAN: top rope bulldog

USO: nah, throw you outside and ropejump

ALPHA: nah

ALPHA suplex USOS on their heads

USOS: superkick and flyabout and pin

USOS win, suddenly STARS

STARS: gonna beat up Alpha

UNIVERSE: DELETE

VINCE: DAMMIT WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

here’s MOJO, also GRONK’s here so that means yep JINDER’s here

JINDER: face elbows and knees and pin

MOJO: nah

JINDER: but pin

MOJO: nah

JINDER: k then mat game

MOJO: I am very hype tho

JINDER: have a turnbuckle, hi Gronk

GRONK: hi, have a drink

MOJO: and a hype pin

MOJO wins, everything is hype

here’s a cool dad with money

SHANE: SDL is great, our women are great, here’s all four of them

suddenly NAOMI and NATTIE and CARMELLA and BECKY and a wild JOBBER

SHANE: Naomi’s a great champ

JOBBER: nah Carmella’s awesome

NAOMI: shut up so Shane can announce Charlotte

SHANE: here’s Tamina

UNIVERSE: oh

SHANE: and Charlotte

UNIVERSE: YAS QUEEN

TOM: Sin Cara and Rusev are on SDL now

here’s ENGLISH

ENGLISH: Gotch got fired so I’m singiiiiiiing nooooooow

TEN TEN TEN etc.

TYE: flippy cartwheel and TEN

ENGLISH: but muh gimmiiiiiiiick

TYE: nah

TYE breaks ENGLISH

VIDEO: Lana’s on SDL doing a caberet thing now

DOLPH: I’m staying on SDL, everyone else is lame

suddenly violins

DOLPH: um who are you

UNIVERSE: NAKAMURA

SHINSUKE: what they said

DOLPH: swell, superk-

SHINSUKE: I am disappoint, fight me

DOLPH: nah run awayyyyyyyyy

BYRON: New Day’s on SDL now

TJ: there will be purple ropes later

TOM: #1 contender triple threat is sponsored by an owl

UNIVERSE: EFF THAT OWL

SAMI: suplex to Baron?

AJ: sure

BARON: nah but suplex you both

SAMI: imma fight AJ then dropkick and ropedi-

BARON: nah, have a ramp and a rope

SAMI: ooh a rope, imma flippydive

BARON: have y’all met the turnbuckles

BARON kindly introduces them

AJ: offense?

BARON: nah

SAMI: offense?

BARON: nah

BARON beats everyone up

SAMI: cool but my turn, hey Baron, helluva k-

AJ: nah

BARON: also nah, imma get outside

AJ: faceknee

SAMI: blue thunder bomb

AJ: very nah

SAMI: then superplex?

AJ: nah

SAMI: then pin Baron

BARON: nah, deep six

AJ: nah

BEAR: SLOW DOWN PLEASE

BARON: imma spear AJ

AJ: nah but here’s a ringpost, 450 and pin

SAMI: nah, facepunches

AJ and SAMI and BARON do cornerspots

BYRON: it’s hard to keep up with all this

BEAR: YOU DON’T SAY

AJ: styles clash?

BARON: nah

SAMI: helluva to Baron

AJ: phenomenal forearm to you

AJ wins, no one wishes to acquire any, BEAR acquires a drink