WWE RAW (April 10, 2017) – Abridged

stadiums, fireworks, then/now/whatever

BYRON: so RAW and SDL are getting shook

enter MIZ/CENA and MARYSE/NIKKI

MIZ/CENA: pleeeeeease don’t chant Cena sucks

UNIVERSE: WE WILL NOW CHANT CENA SUCKS

MIZ/CENA: went to Hollywood, Hollywood said we suck, now we’re on RAW

suddenly DEAN

DEAN: I’m on RAW, thanks for beating Miz/Maryse at Mania, you’re really funny as the pistachio elephant

MIZ: um we’re actually Miz/Maryse

MARYSE: yup

DEAN: k

MIZ gets a dirty deeds

UNIVERSE: we’re more sports entertained than we’ve been in months

SAMI: hey am I staying on RAW

ANGLE: eh SDL kinda wants you tho

suddenly MIZ/MARYSE

MIZ: hey Angle you actually suck

SAMI: um I was talking to him

ANGLE: guess y’all get to fight later

here’s NEW DAY with blow-up KOFI

NEW DAY: hey Revival let’s fight

REVIVAL: happy to

XAVIER: I’m mad, have some offense

E: what he said

REVIVAL: well we’re really good at tagging

XAVIER: cool but tag

E: I am very big, tag

XAVIER: flying elbooooooow and pin

DAWSON: nah, tag

XAVIER: maybe more flippiness then

REVIVAL: shatter machine

XAVIER: ow

REVIVAL wins

CHARLY: hey Neville, Aries is #1 contender, how bout that

NEVILLE: imma beat him

TJ: but imma beat you

NEVILLE: but you suck but I respect you and also Aries sucks

ARIES: but Neville sucks

NEVILLE: bye

ARIES: hey Neville sucks right TJ

TJ: bye

suddenly HAWKINS

HAWKINS: I’m on RAW now

weeeeeeeeeeeell

SHOW: hi

SHOW ko’s HAWKINS

suddenly purple ropes

ARIES: imma flip around

TJ: k

ARIES flips around, TJ gets annoyed

ARIES: imma stand on a barricade

NEVILLE: for some reason this makes me mad

TJ: small package

TJ wins

TJ: time to turn heel

TJ beats up ARIES

SETH: fighting HHH really hurt but I beat him at Mania, Steph went through a table at Mania sooooo I might go to SDL but I wanna stay on RAW so nah

YOU SUCK, YOU SUCK, YOU SUCK, YOU SUCK

ANGLE: Steph wants you gone but I’m a face so nah

suddenly JOE

ANGLE: hey Seth you got this

SETH: yep

SETH kicks JOE to the outside

CHARLY: hey KO, RAW’s getting shook, how bout that

KO: I beat Jericho at Mania, and I’m pretty awesome

CHARLY: but Dean tho

KO: US belt’s better than the IC belt

here’s CHARLOTTE and NIA

CHARLOTTE: WOOOOOOOOOO

NIA: please die

UNIVERSE: yawn OOH LOOK OVER THERE

CHARLOTTE: but I gotta look strong so deadleg and natural selection and moonsault and such

NIA: adorable

NIA kills CHARLOTTE, the sky is blue

VIDEO: member how Finn’s awesome

JINDER’s here to job to FINN

JINDER: here’s some offense

FINN: oh no I am very hurt JK LOL HERE’S ALL MY OFFENSE

FINN wins

heepajowapajooWAH

BRAY: I’m on RAW now, house of horrors match with Orton’s at Payback

FINN: neat

BEAR: so is RAW just gonna have all the belts or

BYRON: Apollo and Kalisto and SlateRhyno are on RAW now

AWWWWW SAAAAAAAM

SAMI: hey Miz have scrappy leapy stuff, now imma dive on you

MARYSE: nah

SAMI: k

MIZ: heel offense

SAMI: blue thunder bomb

MIZ: does that ever work

SAMI: this will, helluva k-

MARYSE: nah

MIZ: skull cr-

SAMI: rollup

SAMI somehow won a fight

COLE: hey Roman, you probs retired Taker, how bout that

ROMAN: yeah Taker’s cool but I beat him at Mania

suddenly BRAAAAAAAAAAAAUN kills ROMAN

REFS: hey maybe don’t

BRAUN: RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

REFS: k

BRAUN: k i’m done

DOCS: stretcher job then

BRAUN: JK LOL

BRAUN throws ROMAN’s gurney off a loading dock

DOCS: well SURELY he’s done now, let’s put Roman in an ambulance

BRAUN flips the ambulance over

DOCS: oh

ROMAN does not overcome things

UNIVERSE: NA NA NA NA, HEY HEY HEY, GOODBYE

VINCE: dammit

GOODBROS and STARS and KILTBROS and HARDYZ have a fight, a DRIFTER is also here

KILTBROS: hey Goodbros, let’s beat you up

GOODBROS: hey Kiltbros, let’s beat you up

STARS: also we’re here

CESARO: tag

MATT: YAAAAAAS

UNIVERSE: DELETE

VINCE: dammit someone tell me what this delete thing is

HARDYZ do hardy things and win

EMMA: hey Dana wanna be my sidekick again

DANA: nah

SASHA: here’s my best friend Just Bayley

BAYLEY: hey Universe I won at Mania

SASHA: well I want your belt now so

suddenly BLISS

BLISS: you two are fake, I’m on RAW now

suddenly MICKIE

MICKIE: me too

suddenly NIA, she kills everyone except BLISS

BLISS: phew

DEAN and KO have a champ vs. champ fight

KO: I’m the best champ

DEAN: nah I’m the best champ

KO: outside beatdown?

DEAN: nah but have a barricade

KO: k now slooooooow beat-em-up

DEAN: but muh wacky offense

KO: nah, mat game strong

GRAVES: I pledge allegiance to KO

BEAR: wait why am I standing up with my hand on my heart

KO: ringpost meet Dean, Dean, ringpost

DEAN: k but rope dive and all my offense

DEAN flies around doing things

KO: that’s enough, pin

DEAN: nah, dirty deeds

KO: k

suddenly JERICHO codebreaks KO

JERICHO: hey Bear what’d I miss

BEAR: some SDL peeps showed up and Braun flipped an ambulance

JERICHO: cool