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With WrestleMania 33 all set to invade Camping World Stadium in Orlando, Florida this coming Sun., April 2, 2017, live on pay-per-view (PPV) and the WWE Network, it's time to go about making predictions for the biggest show of the year. The match card is filled out and our staff of learned blowhards will give their best guess on who is going to emerge victorious this weekend.
But instead of doing this all in one post and giving you a wall of text and 5,000 words to read through, we'll give the top matches their own post, then cover the mid-card, then the undercard.
Got it? Good.
Let’s go:
MID-CARD
Bayley vs. Sasha Banks vs. Charlotte vs. Nia Jax
Geno Mrosko: Adding Nia to the mix is an interesting play here, considering they’re clearly trying to serve multiple stories at once. But what’s the most important story? Are they setting up to make Nia the main challenger coming out of this show? Or are they going straight into the Bayley vs. Sasha feud they’ve been teasing? They saved the quality of the match when they made it elimination style, at least. We’re still waiting for that breakout women’s singles match on the WWE main roster. Maybe Payback?
Pick: Bayley
Sean Rueter: Thinking about this makes my head, and my heart, hurt. I kind of don’t care, and I really don’t like any of these characters any more. I mean, I don’t even think reigniting the Sasha/Bayley feud excites me, but I think that’s where we’re headed. And in order for the Hugster to do her Vince McMahon-designated duty and lose the big one in her home town (April 30’s Payback), I guess she wins here.
Pick: Bayley
Kyle Decker: Man, I don't know what they're doing with this division any more. I'm not sure they know what they are doing with this division any more. There's no outcome here that feels right or at all satisfying. There's nothing for Bayley to overcome. Charlotte, while being the one most screwed recently, is still a major villain. And I don't know what Sasha winning accomplishes in the story. So I'm going to say this is the start of the Era of Jax.
Pick: Nia Jax
Reverend Kain: Charlotte Flair doesn't lose on PPV. (Record scratch!) I can't get away with that one anymore? Darn. Well then! I reckon Sasha and Nia cancel each other out, and from there, it's clear that Bayley has Charlotte's number.
Pick: Bayley
Cain A. Knight: A lot of folks are down on the story behind this match, but I think there is plenty of talent in the ring here to overcome that obstacle and still deliver something special. I’m almost certain that Nia Jax will not win this match. Out of the remaining three wrestlers it’s tough to find an obvious winner. I feel like this match should come down to Sasha versus Bayley, with a win for Bayley setting in motion the erosion of their friendship.
Pick: Bayley
Triple H vs. Seth Rollins
Geno Mrosko: Everything about this has sucked since Rollins got injured. Even if he’s ready and fully healthy, I’m expecting a match that goes too long and doesn’t give us the satisfying conclusion to the story we all haven’t been waiting on anyway. That injury forced a complete change in tone, and it’s taken a great deal of interest from the match. Surely, they’ll do the right thing with the booking though, right?
Pick: Seth Rollins
Sean Rueter: I’m more interested in the over/under on the post-match Triple H beatdown than the official outcome. I’m placing that at seven minutes.
Pick: Seth Rollins
Kyle Decker: I bet this will be an overbooked match to help prevent Seth from having to work too hard since he’s likely pushing the limits working at all. I expect Sami and Joe run ins and in the end, for Seth to vanquish Triple H. Then we’ll get different incarnations of Sami & Rollins vs. Samoa Joe & Kevin Owens until we’re so tired of it that it’s painful.
Pick: Seth Rollins
Reverend Kain: We all heard him. No doctor in the United States would clear Seth Rollins to wrestle. Fortunately Mr. H's has a nice piece of paper that'll make that all go away! Please ignore the distant thudding sound you hear, that's just Daniel Bryan kicking a table over and over. Anyway, it might cost him his career in the end, but this round will go to the Architect.
Pick: Seth Rollins (...but HHH always wins eventually.)
Cain A. Knight: This match will probably see some interference from Zayn and Joe, so they might as well go all the way with it and also throw in HBK, DX, the NWO, Sting, Evolution, the Shield, and Kurt Angle. The best case scenario is that they recreate the magic of HBK’s unsanctioned street fight victory over Triple H at SummerSlam 2002 (but that also comes with a lengthy post-match sledgehammer beatdown of the good guy, because Triple H always wins). The worst case scenario is that Scott Steiner comes out and challenges both men to an impromptu weightlifting competition. Rollins seems like the most logical choice to win, but Triple H is always wielding that logic-defying shovel. I wouldn’t be one bit surprised to see Triple H win this thing and give Rollins the win back on a lesser show, just like Triple H has done with past WrestleMania opponents like Lesnar, Orton, and Sheamus.
Pick: Seth Rollins
AJ Styles vs. Shane McMahon
Geno Mrosko: There isn’t a world that exists where Shane McMahon should defeat AJ Styles in 2017 (or, really, in any year). Maybe he pulls out a wild stunt and goes above and beyond to simply keep himself in the fight but he’s losing because he has to lose because it would destroy the space-time continuum if he didn’t.
Pick: AJ Styles
Sean Rueter: I think (hope? pray?) the outcome of this is a lock, especially after SmackDown came and went without adding any stipulations which would allow Shane O’Mac to break out the plunder. So instead, I’ll share my dream for this match... a double-turn that sees McMahon doing increasingly dirty things to try to win while an exasperated Styles just proves he’s the better wrestler. Anyway...
Pick: AJ Styles
Kyle Decker: The outcome of this match hinges on one thing: AJ's ability to avoid Shane's punch flurry. If McMahon is able to unload his lightening fast mini-punches, Styles stands no chance. I don't care if he's the best wrestler in the world, that means nothing when Shane’s focused strikes causes your organs to bleed. But if the Phenomenal One scouts properly and knows those fists of fury are coming, he'll be able to capitalize and take the win. AJ is no slouch. I have faith he can avoid those death blows and get this win.
Pick: AJ Styles
Reverend Kain: For starters, I'm going to keep a VERY close eye on the WrestleMania set to see if there are any convenient panes of glass laid into the thing anywhere. That said, AJ Styles is, if not the best wrestler in the world, certainly the best wrestler on the main roster. Shane McMahon is Vince's son. There's gonna be some crazy bumps taken by both guys, Shane might go full-Roderick Strong and try to tuck his neck on a Styles Clash so it looks real bad, but there's only one way this should end...
Pick: AJ Styles
Cain A. Knight: I enjoy the part where Shane McMahon jumps off a high structure, but sitting through 15 minutes of embarrassing punches to get there isn’t usually worth the trouble. I feel like Shane would be much better off in a multi-man ladder match where he can do his crazy jumps in between 5 minute periods of playing dead on the outside. But alas, AJ Styles has to find a way to make this guy look good. If Vince McMahon could go out there and be carried to compelling matches with HBK and Hogan at past WrestleMania events, then AJ can certainly turn this into a worthwhile affair. I can’t help but remember that Shane was originally rumored to fight Brock on this card, and if that is still the plan for the future, maybe Shane actually does beat Styles. But they wouldn’t do that, right? What the hell, I think I’d prefer for Shane to win this match because the ensuing internet meltdown might be really intriguing to witness, just like it was last year with AJ’s loss to Jericho.
Pick: Shane McMahon
Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Owens
Geno Mrosko: After everything, it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense for Jericho to lose the title here, so I don’t think they take it off him until Raw the next night. He’s leaving to tour with Fozzy in a month or so, which gives them time to do a title change after this show.
Pick: Chris Jericho
Sean Rueter: Remember last year how we all thought for sure AJ Styles would beat Chris Jericho, but it didn’t happen? I just have a feeling that’s this match this year. And if Jericho’s only taking temporary breaks this Summer, they can finish up later, anyway.
Pick: Chris Jericho
Kyle Decker: This one is a bit tough. With Jericho leaving, he's going to go out with a loss. However, the story dictates Jericho getting his comeuppance on Kevin Owens. So it's possible Jericho wins here and then loses a follow up on Raw that writes him off. However, I think it's more likely that Jericho gives Owens his first WrestleMania win.
Pick: Kevin Owens
Reverend Kain: A wise man once said that art doesn't require pants. Nowhere is that more true than in the career of one Kevin Owens, no stranger to making art while wearing a pair of shorts or even a singlet. Chris Jericho is close to riding his white horse into the sunset once again, so the only question to me is when does KO go after the tag titles for his Grand Slam?
Pick: Kevin Owens
Cain A. Knight: I love almost everything about this match and think this could be the best fight on the card. Both guys are amazing at everything they do and I’m just going to sit back and enjoy watching these mega powers explode. My guess is that Owens wins and takes the title from Jericho, especially if Owens is going to be forming some sort of stable with Triple H and Samoa Joe in the future. Jericho can always gain his true revenge some time later in the year with another well-timed return.
Pick: Kevin Owens
Dean Ambrose vs. Baron Corbin
Geno Mrosko: They’re pushing Corbin, as they should. Having him lose at WrestleMania is a good way to halt momentum and keeping the title on Ambrose doesn’t do a lot for him. He’s fine with or without it but it could be the next piece of the puzzle in Corbin’s rise. I don’t see any reason not to do this.
Pick: Baron Corbin
Sean Rueter: LET THE NEW MANIA STREAK CONTINUE!
Pick: Baron Corbin
Kyle Decker: While Corbin likely ends up with the title sooner than later, I don't think it happens here. This feels like a type of a feud where Dean will get the WrestleMania win and then lose it to Corbin at a follow up SmackDown B show in a gimmick match.
Pick: Dean Ambrose
Reverend Kain: Boy, Corbin sure forked Dean, didn't he? No? Anybody? Ah well, they can't all be winners. Anyway, as long as this continues to be a straight match, there's no way the Lone Wolf can do enough damage to put the Lunatic Fringe away here. Gonna need barbed wire, light tubes, the whole deal.
Pick: Dean Ambrose
Cain A. Knight: This match will probably face some time constraints and I think they should hold off on the title change for a rematch where these guys will have a better opportunity to do something memorable. I think the idea that winning a mid-card championship in the mid-card of an event with 13 matches will somehow cement Corbin as a top star is overblown. It really doesn’t matter who wins this match when it’s this lost in the shuffle.
Pick: Dean Ambrose
That’s what we think. What about you?