Woooooooo boy. Jason Jordan might already be the biggest heel on Raw. He even got “Delete!” chants!
And is it any wonder why? Jordan says LITERALLY the same madness every week. “I can do this!” Angle, c’mon buddy. Your weakness for your son is disgusting to watch. People will seriously cheer Roman over this dude. Jordan’s whiny entitlement is revolting and pathetic and brilliant.
Reigns mercifully intervened as Jordan tried to wheedle another title shot out of his father’ Reigns matter-of-factly told Angle he wasn’t going to fight “your son.” Instead, he wants to fight Samoa Joe. I loved the little disrespect of not even saying Jordan’s name. And now he’s giving advice: “Don’t go running to your daddy. Step up – you hear [the crowd] laughing at you? – Step up and take it.”
I thought Roman’s cheers were loud until Joe came out. He essentially called both Reigns and Jordan fake tough guys. Joe accuses Roman of “patronizing the kid” as well.
I swear, I think Jordan was the best part of this entire segment. Jordan’s rebuttal was to calling Samoa Joe a fake tough guy – HA! – and then Jordan claimed that he’s actually tough because he doesn’t attack people from behind.
…And then he literally attacked Roman from behind seconds later.
This was a GREAT opening segment. 3 guys who legitimately detest each other – gee, who would have seen that working?
The match was wonderful as well. Unlike the past few weeks, Jordan didn’t bail as soon as the going got tough. Perhaps the Intercontinental Championship being on the line had something to do with it. Reigns eventually targeted Jordan’s shoddy knee late in match. It caused Jordan trouble using his leg on a Northern Lights Suplex, which handed him a ready-made excuse for why he lost. There’s a moment where Reigns looks at Jordan after the match like “damn, why can’t you be cool? You’re good.”
Joe, who sat on stage to watch the match, attacked Reigns after the match but Jordan ran him off; Reigns thanked Jordan with another Superman Punch for his troubles. I like how Reigns is starting to accrue enemies. This is how I wish more feuds were in the WWE – each extra piece adds depth to a rudimentary feud.
After a commercial break, we got more awesomeness from these guys. Jordan interrupted Angle’s phone call without any remorse at all, demanding this and that – a rematch against Reigns, a match against Joe – with an argument that essentially boiled down to “c’mon, dad!”
Joe’s not a man to wait around though. He assaulted Jordan backstage and left with a quip for his father: “Like father like son, huh Kurt?”
MORE. OF. THIS.
You know what? I’m giving the Cruiserweights this spotlight. They earned it tonight.
The absurdity of the Cruiserweight Division is hilarious to me; how can the matches be so good and the stories so pathetic?
Enzo Amore talked to his…the ‘Zo Train – and I feel gross even typing that – before the match to hype up Nese and Gulak. The two heels worked together to try to take it to Ali and Alexander.
Look, these guys are really good. Alexander and Ali especially are INCREDIBLE to me. They let the leash off these guys a bit with this match and we saw some particularly incredible offense. If you’ve not seen any of this match, I’d recommend checking out the YouTube video. The crowd was into it too, as much as a crowd not invested in storylines can be. LA oohed and aahed at all the right places and even serenaded the guys with a “This is Awesome!” chant.
For good reason, too. THAT SPANISH FLY!
Gulak won the match by knocking Alexander out of the ring after two Lumbar Checks. This sets him up for a match with Rich Swann next week to determine the next #1 contender for Amore’s title. Gulack tried to celebrate with a Powerpoint presentation after the match but was mercifully denied.
Also – did Nia Jax just flirt with Enzo? Uhh…
JOE ROBS THE SHIELD
DAMN YOU JOE!
There’s not much story to this one – at least at the start. It was just a good ol’ fashioned slobberknocker. When Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins, Sheamus, and Cesaro all step into a ring, good things happen.
Just do yourself a service and watch the video. I’ll wait.
Sheamus tried to force a DQ late in the match and got it. It seemed the show was going to end on that note, but Angle stepped out to restart the match with no disqualifications.
Now…you can argue that that’s a pretty silly idea when you consider certain things. But you can’t argue that it was bad television.
The match quickly delved into chaos with Samoa Joe appearing to attack the Shield. Reigns appeared to run him off, but the distraction allowed Sheamus to hit a Brogue Kick to defeat the Shield and retain the titles.
This is FANTASTIC depth being added to the Reigns/Joe feud. They are doing everything right with this feud so far.
Best of the Rest
THE LITERALLY PARODIED WYATT’S NORMAL PROMOS WITH WOKEN MATT HARDY – THIS IS NOT A DRILL! “THE RAMBLINGS OF A MADMAN CAN BE DANGEROUS” TELL ME YOU DID NOT SAY THAT BRAY WYATT.
THIS WAS EVERYTHING WE HOPED FOR. HE DANCED WITH CLEOPATRIA, RODE WITH GEEEENGHIS KAHN, AND HE IS WOKEN! DELETE! DELETE! DELETE!!!
(This was such a short moment in the show but it was the freaking best. Seriously. Sooooo in on this feud.)
Paige def. Sasha Banks - I wasn’t a huge fan of last week’s Absolution segment. This one was much better.
After an extremely long video recap, we got a nice long match between Paige and Banks to reintroduce Paige to the WWE audience.
It wasn’t the peak of what these two could accomplish, but it was a very solid match that worked well to tell the story they need to tell.
Absolution is scary as hell. Paige worked through some nasty submissions – in particular a Bank Statement – to stay in the match. She even hit a Sunset Flip Powerbomb!
In the end, Absolution distracted Banks by attacking Bayley and Mickie James at ringside which allowed Paige to gain the victory. The new group attacked Banks after the match as well. I’m a huge fan of how physical Mandy Rose and Sonya Deville are – they hit hard. That’s always a good thing.
Alexa Bliss was on commentary for this match, by the way. She poked fun at Paige by calling her the Christopher Columbus of the Women’s Division; I thought that was hilarious. Cole also offended the hell out of Bliss by daring to imply she should be defending her belt - that was great too. In the end, she tucked tail as soon as Absolution won. I don’t think she likes them very much.
Asuka’s Ready for Absolution; Fox is Not – We had another stare down between Asuka and Absolution late in the show. It ended like last week. Afterwards, Absolution beat up poor Alicia Fox.
BRAUN 1, Guitar 0 – Elias pissed Angle off earlier with an insult about his “bastard son.” Well, enjoy Braun for your troubles, Elias! I got on WWE’s tail for the Strowman stuff last week. You did it right this time, WWE! ALL THE DESTRUCTION.
…Welp. Spoke too soon. Kane showed up to talk on the ‘tron. Let’s just ignore this part. They’re gonna fight next week.
Balor def. Dallas – Not much here other than a big pop for Balor and a fun little match. No storyline advancement. Balor continues to float adrift.
I feel like WWE cut some of the fat in this episode. There were less segments overall – I think – and the first hour was literally just two storylines: Reigns/Jordan/Joe and Absolution. That’s good! It gave them time to really invest in those stories.
WWE also did well with the folks not featured heavily on this episode. They progressed Hardy/Wyatt, Strowman, and Asuka with minimal time and gave Balor a favorable showing, even if he still lacks a direction. Mixing things up like this really helps to make the show feel fresh, even if some of the feuds aren’t.
I told WWE to step up last week. They did. Cool!
I was going to give this show a B+ but that ending was exciting and I have to reward good storytelling. It’s the one thing I want the most from WWE.
What were your thoughts on the show, Cageside?