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WWE Raw results, live blog (Aug. 8, 2016): Red vs. Blue

WWE Monday Night Raw comes waltzing back into our lives tonight (Aug. 8, 2016) from the Honda Center in Anaheim, California featuring all the latest build to the upcoming SummerSlam pay-per-view (PPV) scheduled for later this month in Brooklyn, New York.

Advertised for tonight: Puff Daddy is still around and he's coming to the show, although no one knows why. Plus, Mick Foley has invited SmackDown Live General Manager Daniel Bryan into enemy territory for a talk.

Come right back here at 8 p.m. ET when the Raw live blog kicks off once the show starts on USA. It will be below this line here. (REMINDER: NO GIFS OR PICS ARE ALLOWED IN THE COMMENTS SECTION. OFFENDERS WILL BE BANNED.)



Chris here. Let's do this


WWE Signature and "Last Week on Raw" recaps Finn Balor and Seth Rollins, Roman Reigns rising up against Rusev, and Randy Orton hitting a RKO on Brock Lesnar. We also see Orton getting a F5 on SmackDown in response.


Enzo & Cass comes out to start.

Enzo does his usual thing before reminding us about how he was spittin' some game at Sasha Banks last week (and she was lovin' it, according to Cass). He quotes "Santeria" by Sublime before mentioning that he has Sasha in the bag. More similes ensue.

Unfortunately, "Jon Bon Jericho" came out and robbed Enzo of a home run before hitting him with the Codebreaker. Enzo says that the only code broken was the man code for wearing a scarf sans shirt.

More rock song references ensue before Chris Jericho comes out (with scarf minus shirt). Jericho calls Enzo "more irritating than "Achy-Breaky Heart" before saying that Cass is the only reason why Enzo is still in WWE (calling Cass Enzo's "7 foot maid").

Jericho confesses that he always has someone watching his back....but so does Jericho.

Who watches Jericho's back now? One Kevin Owens.

Jericho admits that he and Owens had some issues in the past. However, after receiving advice from his imaginary superstar friend, he has sealed all of the issues with Owens, and now Owens has his back.

Jericho asks Owens to make sure, and Owens hesistates before answering, claiming that he thought that it was a rhetorical question.

Cass responds with a homosexualized Bert and Ernie references, causing Jericho to protest before Cass tells Jericho to do something about it.

Owens says that he used to respect Cass back in NXT, but not anymore since Cass won't shed the dead weight known as Enzo as Owens did with Sami Zayn.

Owens doesn't care if Cass is 7 feet tall; Owens is gonna hurt Cass. After a face-to-chest staredown, Owens says that Jericho will hurt Cass if Owens cant.

Jericho echoes this sentiment, and Cass responds by saying "let's go." Jericho claims that he wasn't addressing Cass, but Cass says that Jericho was looking at him. Jericho keeps denying and turns his attention to Enzo, saying that he's gonna get beat. Enzo says that "it" (what is "it?") is gonna be shoved down Jericho's throat.

And a well-placed commercial leads to...


Enzo Amore vs Chris Jericho

Big Cass and Kevin Owens are in the corner of their respective partner.

This was a fairly solid match that saw Jericho really work well with Enzo's still-green offense. Jericho even locked Enzo in the Walls of Jericho, but Enzo made it to the rope. In the end, Enzo, vaulted to Jericho, who was on the outside. Enzo got Jericho in the ring and was entering himself when Owens grabbed Enzo's rope. The momentary distraction allowed Jericho to hit the Codebreaker. Cass didn't approve, so he entered the ring and booted Jericho's head a few rows into the crowd.

Chris Jericho def Enzo Amore by DQ

After, Cass checks on Enzo before challenging JeriKO to a match at SummerSlam, which is immediately accepted.


Backstage, Mick Foley is on the phone talking to Stephanie McMahon about the Brock Lesnar situation when he stops the conversation, saying that The BO$$ has arrived....that of course being Sasha Banks. Sasha reminds us that SummerSlam is in two weeks, and she doesn't want to defend her title with Dana Brooke lurking.

Mick, therefore, has a proposal. Sasha takes on Dana tonight. If Sasha wins, Dana is banned from ringside. If Dana wins, then we have a handicap match at SummerSlam. Sasha agrees. Mick tells her "good luck", to which Sasha reminds him that The BO$$ doesn't need luck.


Braun Strowman vs Jerrell Nelson

Before the match, Byron Saxton channels his inner psychiatrist when asking Nelson about why he's taking on BigNuts McCheeseburger. The answer? Silence.

Braun Strowman puts down Jerrell Nelson


Backstage, Mick Foley tries to use his iPad when Puff Daddy comes in (note the boos from the crowd). He gives Mick free front-row tickets to his show.

The New Day enters the room now. Xavier Woods plugs Up-Up-Down-Down before Puff goes booty and steals Kofi Kingston's Booty-O's. After talking about music, Puff asks about Big E's peen, to which Xavier says that Big E is hurt badly.


Titus O'Neil vs Darren Young

Quick one that ends in a reversal of fortune when Darren pins Titus with a handful of tights.

Darren Young def Titus O'Neil


Seth Rollins comes to the ring.

Rollins reminds us that the New Era is here, and he admits that it's been a learning experience for him.

Case in point: Finn Balor. He thought that Balor was a knock-off of Rollins (think Balor as Leto Joker and Rollins as Ledger Joker - actual comment). After last week, Rollins learned that Balor is athletic and a strong striker.

But now Rollins wants to learn a bit of Finn Balor. First things first, Rollins actually breaks down the "Finn Balor" name, especially the "demon king" part. After that, Rollins wants to learn who Finn Balor REALLY is....before calling him one of the most disrespectful human beings that invaded Rollins' show and talked down to Rollins. Rollins is pissed at Balor's arrogance and more drawn-out ramblings, including Rollins denying his own arrogance.

After many more ramblings, Rollins proclaims that he's gonna win at SummerSlam and drops the mic.


Cesaro vs Sheamus

As usual, these two had themselves a great, hard-hitting match that woke a fairly quiet crowd up, especially after a sequence that saw Cesaro utilize a Matrix-esque dodge of a Brogue Kick. The end came when the referee was caught between Cesaro and Sheamus. Sheamus hit Cesaro with an elbow, but the ref got jostled. Sheamus went for a cheap roll-up, but the ref was selling his hit. Sheamus confronts him and is met with ref rage. This allows Cesaro to get a roll-up pin to win.

Cesaro def Sheamus


Video package hyping Brock Lesnar vs Randy Orton


The Dudley Boyz vs Neville and Sin Cara

This one happened. The end came when D-Von Dudley inadvertently clotheslined Bubba Ray (note: was meant for Neville, but he dodged). A minute later, this led to the Red Arrow on D-Von.

Neville and Sin Cara def The Dudley Boyz


Rusev comes out to celebrate his marriage to Lana. Note that there are cakes and other potentially messy things in the ring...I wonder what'll happen....

But that's then. Lana comes out in a wedding dress to wedding music.

Lana calls herself "Rusev's princess" and says how a princess is supposed to be given a fairytale wedding, and that is exactly what Rusev gave her. Unfortunately, no one could be there as it was VIP only. Note that the crowd is giving the "what" treatment because of course.

But don't fret! They're gonna relive it right in that ring....after Lana gets a big smooch of Rusev's big ol' Bulgarian bicep.

A photo montage plays with stereotypical wedding music in the background. The crowd is bored of this already.

Lana and Rusev keep going on about their wedding and things and cakes and how expensive it all was.

And now to make it better, it's time for vow-reading. The crowd is beyond excited for this.

Finally Roman Reigns comes out. He tells Rusev and Lana to take it easy and he's not here to fight.

Instead, Roman noticed that there was no Best Man at the wedding, so Roman wanted to step up to be the best man for tonight. He wants to pour some drinks and make a toast. Rusev doesn't want any of it, so Roman comes back with a challenge for the United States Championship at SummerSlam. Rusev declines.

Since Rusev declined, Roman's gonna do his toast anyway. He thanks Rusev for allowing him to see a wedding between "a Bulgarian sasquatch and a mail order bride." Rusev doesn't like this much. Roman responds with a small penis joke because of course he would.

Rusev REALLY didn't like that, so he attacks Roman as Lana screams. Things fall apart for Rusev as he's punched by Roman, causing him to run into Lana, who gets a face full of cake. Cue psychotic rage from Lana as Roman smugly leaves.


Backstage, Lana is still in the midst of a psychotic breakdown as Rusev screams at Mick Foley to make things right. He making Rusev defend his US Title against Roman Reigns at SummerSlam.


Sasha Banks vs Dana Brooke

This happened. Miscommunication happened, Dana ate a slap from Charlotte (drawing a perfect reaction from the referee), stuff led to stuff, and Sasha hit her corner knees to win.

Sasha Banks def Dana Brooke

As a result, Dana Brooke is banned from ringside at SummerSlam

Random Nia Jax package


Finn Balor video package talking about his roots. Basically, we're getting Demon Finn at SummerSlam.

Dr. Luke Gallows and Dr. Karl Anderson address the epidemic known as "ringpostitis." Tonight, it hits again...


Kofi Kingston vs Dr. Luke Galows

Xavier Woods and Dr. Karl Anderson accompany their respective partner.

Quick one. Dr. Gallows wins with a Fireman's Carry-into-flapjack.

Dr. Luke Gallows def Kofi Kingston

The Doctors try to diagnose Kofi with ringpostitis, but Xavier comes at them with a chair.


Some comedy with Golden Truth, Scooby Doo, and The Mystery Machine


Mick Foley comes out to the ring and we go to commercial.

When we come back, Mick calls the wedding "fresh" before addressing Randy Orton attacking Brock Lesnar and vice-versa. He introduces Daniel Bryan, who asks if Mick has done a good job running the show. Mick returns the favor by putting over SmackDown AND Bryan's work with Mauro Ranallo at the Cruiserweight Classic.

Bryan starts to quickly plug SmackDown until Mick gets down to business and apologizes for Lesnar's actions. Bryan says that SmackDown fired the first shot before Bryan apologizes (somewhat sarcastically).

The pleasantries come to an end when Mick calls Bryan out for his comments on Talking Smack about the Universal Title. Bryan claims that they were taken out of context, saying that he was expecting an Interspecies Championship or something. Mick says that Raw deserves a champion

The arguing continues until Rusev interrupts, saying that he is the people's champion and sucks up to Mick. Bryan calls Rusev out for sucking up to Mick to get out of his US Title match.

Rusev starts to trash Bryan until Cesaro interrupts with an idea to make Rusev's night worse. You see, Cesaro has proven that he deserves a championship shot. Mick doubts him, and Bryan says that Cesaro is being underutilized on here (annoying Mick).



Rusev vs Cesaro (United States Championship)

This was a pretty match, but it really felt thrown together. At the end, Sheamus came down to run interference because reasons or whatever. The interference allowed a distraction and ref bump. Sheamus Brogue Kick'd Cesaro, and then Rusev kicked Cesaro to win.

Rusev def Cesaro; retains United States Championship

After Rusev celebrates and leaves the ring, he eats a spear from Roman Reigns to end the show.

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