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Bray Wyatt is the Ron Swanson of WWE

"I did this. I built this just for you, Undertaker. I hope you like it..." Plus Week 49 of the Wrestler Wrankings!

logo via Hollywood Wallace

This week on RAW, Bray Wyatt continued his parade of mind games aimed squarely at The Undertaker. This time, the histrionics included the unveiling of a casket.

What message was Wyatt hoping to convey?

Was the intent to emphasize that Wyatt is just as comfortable with the idea of death as is The Undertaker? Perhaps it was a not-so-veiled threat indicating where 'Taker belongs at this point in his career. Or maybe it was an ode to the depths to which Wyatt is willing plunge to vanquish Undertaker, once and for all.

Whatever the intended message, I saw something different: an earnest commitment to craftsmanship!

Bray Wyatt is, of course, a living, breathing, man. Yet, I couldn't help but be reminded of a fictional character from the recently ended television program Parks and Recreation. That's right, Pawnee's own, Ron Swanson.

Ruminating further, I found that a zeal for fine woodworking isn't the only common bond shared by these two characters, one fictional and one all too real. Let's examine some more similarities between these two iconic figures:

COMMITTMENT TO FACIAL HAIR

Swanson is known for his ever-present moustache. Wyatt has been rocking the full beard since day one.

APPRECIATION FOR THE SOLITUDE OF NATURE

Both men seek the refuge of a remote cabin when not forced into the public eye. Ron's sanctuary is the Indiana woodlands. Wyatt prefers a boggy bayou. The precise location of either man's stronghold is unknown.

...BUT A FAMILY MAN WHEN APPROPRIATE

Wyatt first burst onto the scene with the support and assistance of Luke Harper and Erick Rowan, The Wyatt Family. Conversely, Ron began his character arc as a conspicuously lone wolf. Later he gained an appreciation for the companionship of family when he met Diane Lewis (Lucy Lawless) and adopted her family.

CONSISTANT WARDROBE

Swanson wears long sleeve polos and slacks to work, with few exceptions. Wyatt is seldom seen without his white pants, black muscle tee, unbuttoned kahuna shirt, and sawed-off fedora.

...EXCEPT FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS

Swanson prefers red shirts the day after practicing romantic love. Wyatt dons a rustic butcher smock for especially big matches.

UPPER BODY DEVELOPMENT

Both men employ a thick, impenetrable, torso to fabulous effect.

AQUATIC TRANSPORT

Wyatt relies on fanboats to traverse his swampy territory, while Swanson prefers hand-hewn canoes. Both men are equally at ease on the water.

ANTI-ESTABLISHMENT

Swanson is a staunch liberitarian, while Wyatt leans heavily towards anarchy, but they definitely share a distrust for the establishment.

LIVING OFF THE GRID

Both are perfectly capable of thriving in nature with no discernible social or technological footprint. With Swanson's ability to split firewood, and Wyatt's penchant for oil burning lanterns, neither man has any want for electricity.

WILLINGNESS TO DESTROY WHAT THEY'VE CREATED

Ron Swanson once shattered a Tom's Bistro dining room chair he had just finished because it was "too perfect." Swanson was also willing to cease all contact with his best workplace acquaintance, Leslie Knope, over a trivial miscommunication. That's a serious commitment to masculine conviction.

For his part, Wyatt was willing to burn the casket he labored over for so many weeks, just to prove a point. Wyatt will have to show the same level of commitment if he is to overcome The Undertaker at Wrestlemania 31. If Bray Wyatt is able to eat all of the bacon and eggs The Undertaker has at Wrestlemania 31, the resemblance to the Pawnee's favorite freedom-seeking carnivore will truly be uncanny.

***

OFFICIAL WRESTLER WRANKINGS FORMULA

ANY WIN = 2 POINTS

US OR INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE BOUT = 1 POINT

WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE BOUT = 3 POINTS

NON "BIG 4" PPV BONUS = 1.5X

SUMMERSLAM, SURVIVOR SERIES, ROYAL RUMBLE = 2X BONUS

WRESTLEMANIA = 3X BONUS

The WWE season begins on the day after WrestleMania 30 and culminates with WrestleMania 31. The wrestler who accumulates the most points over the course of the season, wins the coveted Wrankings Championship!

***

Monday Night Raw -- 3/2/15

  • Seth Rollins - 2 points (win)
  • John Cena - 2 points (win)
  • Dean Ambrose - 2 point (win)
  • Daniel Bryan - 2 point (win)
  • Main Event-- 3/3/15

  • Adam Rose - 2 points (win)
  • Fandango - 2 points (win)
  • Smackdown -- 3/5/15

  • Rusev - 2 points (win)
  • Ryback - 2 point (win)
  • Big Show - 2 points (win)
  • -----------------------------------

    Rusev_Reigns

    WRESTLER WRANKINGS, WEEK 49 *TOP TEN*

    1. RUSEV -- 115.5 points

    2. Dolph Ziggler -- 89

    3. Seth Rollins -- 84

    4. John Cena -- 71

    5. Roman Reigns -- 66

    6. Sheamus -- 65

    7. Cesaro -- 64

    8. Dean Ambrose -- 58.5

    9. Bad News Barrett -- 53.5

    10. Bo Dallas -- 50.5

    Thanks for reading, Cagesiders. We'll see you back here next week!

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