Ok, full disclosure. I don't care for the Slammys. I'm not watching the Slammys tomorrow. Hell, I don't care for award shows, period. 2015 totally sucked. And I disagree with most of this ballot. But since the rest of the upper management at Cageside Seats submitted a ballot, I might as well too, but with as little analysis as possible, thus explaining the title of this here post.
Let's run it down then.
Superstar of the Year: John Cena. Because HIS NAME IS JOHN CENA! *rappadoooooooo JOHN CENA SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS! JOHN CENA SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS! JOHN CENA SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS! JOHN CENA SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS!*
Sorry, I digress. If not John, then who? I'll tell you who: Roman Reigns. That's who. Vince has been trying to make him happen for an entire year, and he's gonna see it to the finish.
Diva of the Year: Nikki Bella. Forget the whole Total Divas thing for a moment. Nikki was the division's champion for eight and a half of the twelve months this year, even if she barely defended the title. Oh, and as it turned out, Nikki's body fell apart quite a bit on the way to the record. The only other person that would even remotely have a case among the five is Sasha Banks, but she spent most of this year "in the minors". And that don't count in Vince's world.
Breakout Star of the Year: Kevin Owens. If anyone other than Kevin Owens, family man wins, these awards are rigged. Wait...
Tag Team of the Year: The New Day. Seriously, like who else are ya gonna give it to?
Match of the Year: Cena/Lesnar/Rollins. If it weren't for that match, the 2015 Royal Rumble would have done the impossible by actually being worse than the 2014 edition. But I wouldn't be upset if Cena-Owens from Elimination Chamber won. Anything else wins though, we gonna have to fight.
Rivalry of the Year: Undertaker-Brock Lesnar. But the real winner is off the board: WWE versus its fans.
WWE Network Show of the Year: Table for 3. Wait... NXT wasn't nominated? That show's almost single-handedly keeping the Network afloat.
Double-Cross of the Year: Jon Stewart attacks John Cena. They're gonna try and get a celebrity on this show tomorrow, and if they have to, WWE will rig this category to make it happen. Also, probably the only double-cross of the five that meant anything significant.
Surprise Return of the Year: Alberto Del Rio. I wanted to vote the Dudleyz, but I thought for sure Alberto Del Rio was never coming back to WWE. It's amazing what a few zeroes can do.
Hashtag of the Year: #SuplexCity. BTW, it's #SuplexCityBitch.
Celebrity Moment of the Year: Stephen Amell dives on to Stardust...or you're wrong.
"Tell Me You Didn't Just Say That" Moment of the Year: Lesnar introduces Suplex City to the world. Again, it's Suplex City, bitch.
Best John Cena US Open Challenge: Sami Zayn. Sami did have an injured shoulder for the entire match.
LOL Moment of the Year: R-Truth thinks he's in the Money in the Bank ladder match. If not that, then Edge and Christian battle New Day. Cause, you know. Big E and the kazoo.
"This Is Awesome" Moment of the Year: The Rock and Ronda Rousey at Wrestlemania 31. I really, really, really was pulling for Ronda to snap Steph's arm in six.
OMG! Shocker of the Year: Seth Rollins cashes in Money in the Bank at Wrestlemania 31. The absolute peak of what many consider a tired gimmick: Seth Rollins running in on the biggest single match on the WWE calendar.
Extreme Moment of the Year: Brock Lesnar and Undertaker have a pull-apart brawl. Seriously, it took the whole roster, and it was BARELY enough. BARELY. A smaller roster, and the two are probably still fighting now.
Enjoy the Slammys tomorrow. I'll be doing literally anything else.
Give out about it in the comments if you want, and if you want some serious analysis, check out their picks.