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Ok, full disclosure. I don't care for the Slammys. I'm not watching the Slammys tomorrow. Hell, I don't care for award shows, period. 2015 totally sucked. And I disagree with most of this ballot. But since the rest of the upper management at Cageside Seats submitted a ballot, I might as well too, but with as little analysis as possible, thus explaining the title of this here post.
Let's run it down then.
Superstar of the Year: John Cena. Because HIS NAME IS JOHN CENA! *rappadoooooooo JOHN CENA SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS! JOHN CENA SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS! JOHN CENA SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS! JOHN CENA SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS!*
Sorry, I digress. If not John, then who? I'll tell you who: Roman Reigns. That's who. Vince has been trying to make him happen for an entire year, and he's gonna see it to the finish.
Diva of the Year: Nikki Bella. Forget the whole Total Divas thing for a moment. Nikki was the division's champion for eight and a half of the twelve months this year, even if she barely defended the title. Oh, and as it turned out, Nikki's body fell apart quite a bit on the way to the record. The only other person that would even remotely have a case among the five is Sasha Banks, but she spent most of this year "in the minors". And that don't count in Vince's world.
Breakout Star of the Year: Kevin Owens. If anyone other than Kevin Owens, family man wins, these awards are rigged. Wait...
Tag Team of the Year: The New Day. Seriously, like who else are ya gonna give it to?
Match of the Year: Cena/Lesnar/Rollins. If it weren't for that match, the 2015 Royal Rumble would have done the impossible by actually being worse than the 2014 edition. But I wouldn't be upset if Cena-Owens from Elimination Chamber won. Anything else wins though, we gonna have to fight.
Rivalry of the Year: Undertaker-Brock Lesnar. But the real winner is off the board: WWE versus its fans.
WWE Network Show of the Year: Table for 3. Wait... NXT wasn't nominated? That show's almost single-handedly keeping the Network afloat.
Double-Cross of the Year: Jon Stewart attacks John Cena. They're gonna try and get a celebrity on this show tomorrow, and if they have to, WWE will rig this category to make it happen. Also, probably the only double-cross of the five that meant anything significant.
Surprise Return of the Year: Alberto Del Rio. I wanted to vote the Dudleyz, but I thought for sure Alberto Del Rio was never coming back to WWE. It's amazing what a few zeroes can do.
Hashtag of the Year: #SuplexCity. BTW, it's #SuplexCityBitch.
Celebrity Moment of the Year: Stephen Amell dives on to Stardust...or you're wrong.
"Tell Me You Didn't Just Say That" Moment of the Year: Lesnar introduces Suplex City to the world. Again, it's Suplex City, bitch.
Best John Cena US Open Challenge: Sami Zayn. Sami did have an injured shoulder for the entire match.
LOL Moment of the Year: R-Truth thinks he's in the Money in the Bank ladder match. If not that, then Edge and Christian battle New Day. Cause, you know. Big E and the kazoo.
"This Is Awesome" Moment of the Year: The Rock and Ronda Rousey at Wrestlemania 31. I really, really, really was pulling for Ronda to snap Steph's arm in six.
OMG! Shocker of the Year: Seth Rollins cashes in Money in the Bank at Wrestlemania 31. The absolute peak of what many consider a tired gimmick: Seth Rollins running in on the biggest single match on the WWE calendar.
Extreme Moment of the Year: Brock Lesnar and Undertaker have a pull-apart brawl. Seriously, it took the whole roster, and it was BARELY enough. BARELY. A smaller roster, and the two are probably still fighting now.
Enjoy the Slammys tomorrow. I'll be doing literally anything else.
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Give out about it in the comments if you want, and if you want some serious analysis, check out their picks.