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Chipotle Conjures Important Warning for Wrestling Fans

http://chipotletasteinvaders.com

I love pretending that I'm eating healthy and I love old video games. So when the good folks at Chipotle released a browser-based promotional video game, I was very interested.

Taste Invaders is a fresh-mex inspired retro space shooter and it's a lot of fun. In terms of historical accuracy to any one time period; however, it's far less successful. Here's a rundown:

The game plays like Space Invaders (1978) but looks more like Galaga (1981). Unless you're talking about home consoles, in which it looks like the Atari 7800 (1986) version.

The music is a delightful 8-bit ditty that no 80's Atari console that could hope to produce. I'd compare it with the Nintendo Entertainment System's Mega Man 2 (1988), which is high praise, indeed. The sound effects, particularly the laser shooting sound, are a dead ringer for the projectile attack noise from the NES iteration of The Uncanny X-Men (1989).

The title screen and burrito player avatar are 16 bits if they're a byte. I'd liken it to Super Nintendo's ActRaiser (1990).

Add it all up and we're looking at a game that takes elements from about twelve years of gaming, with a focus on the late 80's. This period essentially encompasses the entire "classic" era that people think of when they talk about old video games.

I lived through the evolution of classic gaming and let me tell you, the Atari 2600 was a completely different experience than Super Nintendo. Yet Chipotle lumps this whole era together as one big amalgamation.

What does this have to do with wrestling? Perspective, my friends.

Fans of pro wrestling live and die by the week to week action on television. A good episode of Smackdown! or a memorable interview segment stand out just in the same way that some of the games mentioned above did. Mediocre games, like average episodes of RAW, are simply forgotten.

History is a tapestry of memorable moments, good and bad. And just as the fine details in a tapestry are more difficult to resolve from further way, so to does it become more difficult to discern the differences in wrestling the more time passes. Cesaro (2015) never wrestled against Mankind (1998), The Miz (2012) was never interviewed in The Barber Shop (1991), and John Cena (2006) has clearly never taken ICOPRO (1993). As you can see, the broad strokes of history are easy to grasp, while the nuances of context can be difficult to define.

I guess what I'm saying is that the anachronistic nature of Taste Invaders is not a problem, but rather a valuable reminder.

Don't sweat the virtues and vices of an individual episode of wrestling. Before long, minor variances in quality will blend together and become irrelevant. Concern yourself instead with the merit of professional wrestling over longer periods of time. That's what they'll put on the tapestry someday.

***

wrankings

OFFICIAL WRESTLER WRANKINGS FORMULA

ANY WIN = 2 POINTS

US OR INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE BOUT = 1 POINT

WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE BOUT = 3 POINTS

NON "BIG 4" PPV BONUS = 1.5X

SUMMERSLAM, SURVIVOR SERIES, ROYAL RUMBLE = 2X BONUS

WRESTLEMANIA = 3X BONUS

The WWE season begins on the day after WrestleMania 31 and culminates with WrestleMania 32. The wrestler who accumulates the most points over the course of the season, wins the coveted Wrankings Championship!

***

Monday Night Raw-- 9/28/15

  • John Cena - 3 points (US title bout, win)
  • Xavier Woods - 1 points (US title bout, no win)
  • Neville - 2 points (win)
  • Randy Orton - 2 points (win)
  • Big Show - 2 points (win)
  • Main Event-- 9/29/15

  • Dean Ambrose - 2 points (win)
  • Rusev - 2 points (win)
  • Cesaro - 2 points (win)
  • Braun Stroman - 2 points (win)
  • Smackdown-- 10/1/15

  • Ryback - 3 points (IC title bout, win)
  • Kevin Owens - 1 point (IC title bout, no win)
  • -----------------------------------

    WRESTLER WRANKINGS, WEEK 27 *TOP TEN*

    1. Seth Rollins -- 80.5 points

    2. John Cena -- 64

    3. Ryback -- 58.5

    4. Neville -- 57

    5. Dean Ambrose -- 40.5

    6. Sheamus -- 39.5

    7. Randy Orton -- 39

    8. Roman Reigns -- 37.5

    9. Kevin Owens -- 34

    10. Bad News Barrett -- 33.5

    Thanks for reading, Cagesiders. We'll see you back here next week!

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