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In A Perfect World: The Bunny

If the Bunny could be anyone, in a perfect world where everything was possible, we think we have the perfect guy.

I considered writing Betta today, which I haven't for a few weeks, because quite frankly it's beneath us to try and improve upon bad television. It's entirely too easy. Last night's show had little to be excited about, though The Rock's insane return and Ambrose being Ambrose were well worth the price of admission on their own. Rather than try to illustrate how this or that could have been improved, I just decided that something I thought of last week and talked about Sunday on my Nashville radio program was worth mentioning to the Cagesiders. The Bunny was on television last night, so technically this could have happened during the Kathie Lee and Hoda debacle.

The bunny is, for better or worse, intriguing. It's also entertaining because it has the 24/7 hardcore rule feel to it. I could see the Bunny holding that title for a few months if it was 1999 and probably trying to avoid Crash Holly in a ball pit at a carnival to keep it. Someday, the Bunny will reveal himself and we've seen the speculation of both Darren Young and more recently, Justin Gabriel. Maybe it's me or maybe I'm a Debbie Downer, but neither of those names excite me. I'll admit, however, that if the angle or story surrounding it were worthy, we'd all get behind it. Based on almost all WWE TV since SummerSlam, however, I won't hold my breath. a perfect world...


Once again, this feature, which may or may not be a regular thing, we'll see, isn't about what's possible, it's about what's best (for business). This idea has less than zero percent chance of happening, but think about it when I throw this storyline at you.

The Bunny has been attacking Heath Slater and mobbing around with Adam Rose while acting like an idiot. On the night he gets unmasked, revealing himself to be McIntyre, things change. He mauls Heath Slater, attacks Titus with a chair and lays him out, and then destroys a heavily confused Adam Rose before setting his sights on the entourage, who all run away, except maybe for one or two Indy workers who felt like making $100. Okay, return beatdown. We've seen this before. Bear with me.

Drew McIntyre then picks up a microphone and talks about how he was brought into WWE and heard Vince McMahon say to his face that the newcomer was the chosen one. This guy was supposed to be the future. He listened to all of it, and, perhaps, let it get to his head and didn't exactly push himself the way he needed to in the first few years. The words would be his own, but the point would be to show some semblance of humanity and humility, to welcome the fans into his psyche before delivering the next series of points.

He would move to say he isn't and never was supposed to be a sideshow. He was a Champion. He has the look of a Champion. He has the body of a Champion. He has the talent of a Champion. But instead of recognizing that fact, the brilliant minds in the company decided to put him in a comedy trio and have him sing and dance for the people's amusement. But more than anybody, Drew McIntyre blames Heath Slater for luring him into a bullcrap midcard angle with no upside other than putting smiles on the people's faces, something he couldn't care less about. But to blame Heath Slater for 3MB, Drew has to blame him for something else...

Drew McIntyre has to blame Heath Slater for losing his job several months ago. Had it not been for Heath and the dumb ass 3MB angle, he wouldn't have been expendable. He would have been working Sheamus or Cesaro or Ziggler or other Champions and top contenders and not toiling in comedy segment hell.

Then, in a throwback to the brilliant Steve Austin ECW promos, he would finish by saying he dressed as a bunny to get back in the door on his own terms, to have this moment to say no one's there to hold him back. No one can stop Drew McIntyre or force him into garbage. He's back to prove who he is. He's back to prove to himself, to Vince McMahon, to the Authority, and to the WWE Universe that "chosen one" was right and that the hype was justified. He finishes by crouching down over Heath Slater, who's barely moving.

"Heath, you cost me my job. Over the next few weeks, my brutality, my physicality, and my awesome ability...will cost you your career."

Or, you know, the Bunny could become Intercontinental Champion in the costume and find his way onto a future video game like the Godfather's ho after she won the Hardcore Championship. That's also a possibility. But, I like my perfect world scenario.


Follow me @GuyNamedJason and subscribe to Squared Circle Radio on iTunes or listen live in Nashville each Sunday morning on 104.5 The Zone. Last week's guest was Geno Mrosko. This week we have an hour with Bryan Alvarez discussing the Death of WCW and parallels to today's WWE. On 10/26, we'll chat with Chris Jericho.

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