WWE launches John Cena mobile phone driving game

Despite being on the disabled list for the rest of the year due to a torn triceps, that doesn't stop WWE from making money off of John Cena's likeness by coming up with new merchandise for him.

The latest idea to keep milking their main cash cow is today's launch of their first-ever 3D mobile racing game entitled WWE Presents: John Cena's Fast Lane. The app is compatible with iPad, iPhone, iPod Touch and Android devices and is free to download from the Apple iTunes and Google Play stores.

In an official press release, Perkins Miller, Executive Vice President of Digital Media at WWE gave the usual enthusiastic corporate soundbite to tout the release and shows his lack of knowledge of the product by calling him the WWE Champion. Oops:

"We are committed to giving our fans great experiences on every platform, and we are thrilled that WWE Champion John Cena, a car enthusiast, is at the helm of this new mobile app."

The man himself was equally nondescript:

"I'm excited to share my two favorite passions, WWE and cars, and bring this new racing experience to fans everywhere," said Cena.

It's like he had nothing to do with the development of the game!

Hopefully so, as he should be ashamed to put his name to such a lame time waster. I've had a quick go on the app and other than the snazzy graphics, this doesn't have much going for it. The dialogue is corny and the gameplay is terrible (basically, all you have to do is press the screen when it's the right time to shift gears).

It certainly sounds a lot more exciting in the game's synopsis than it is in practice:

"Players enter the game as young street racers, crushing the quarter-mile, with sights set on being the best in the world. Cena takes players under his wing, passing on knowledge he learned during his years behind the wheel. Players will get to challenge opponents in cities across the U.S., including shadowy figures from Cena’s fictitious racing past who are bent on winning by any means necessary. Players will master the art of shifting on the track and customizing cars in the garage with Cena coaching along the way."

It's a pity it's not a reality based WWE superstar driving game where you get drunk or high before starting the car, get caught speeding, have to lose the cops in a high speed chase and if you get caught, then you have to attempt to bribe the police officer or somehow manage to pass the sobriety tests, or else it's game over as you get thrown in jail. Oh, I forgot, all WWE wrestlers are too busy playing videogames on their iPad for that to ever happen. Right, Cagesiders?