RAW is WAR May 10, 1999 results, live retro blog: 8.1!

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Previously on RAW, Stone Cold, The Rock, and The Union get destroyed by the Corporate Ministry.

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The Corporate Ministry with Shane McMahon and the Union with Vince McMahon enter from seemingly opposite sides of the arena.

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THORN IN YOUR EYE, PYRO AND BALLYHOO as WWF presents RAW is WAR episode 311 LIVE from Orlando, Florida's Orlando Arena, home of the Magic.

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Lights go out as we are opening this edition of RAW with... A MATCH. WWF Tag Team Champion Kane vs. Billy Gunn. Highlights of last night when Billy Gunn did a number on Kane's partner X-Pac on Sunday Night Heat. Fan somehow gets through security and tries to get some Billy Gunn, and that surprisingly opens the door for Kane to attack. Billy Gunn trying to run from that ass whipping, but Kane's having none of that. Gunn works the knee for much of the match, and late in the match, Billy dropkicks Kane out of the ring, tying up Kane's ankles. Out comes a shoeless Road Dogg and X-Pac. Road Dogg runs off Billy Gunn, but then comes the remains of the Nation, D-Lo Brown and Mark Henry beating on X-Pac and Kane until he gets untied. Oh, Kane vs. Billy Gunn is a no contest at 5:10.

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Live shot from outside the Orlando Arena, and Monica Seles is in the house.

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Cut to The Union and Vince McMahon with 2x4's with three riot squad guys. Vince wants Shane and his Corporate Ministry. Enter Shane and the Corporate Ministry to many asshole chants. Cut to commissioner Shawn Michaels via satellite in San Antonio. Main event of Over the Edge is Stone Cold vs. The Undertaker for the WWF title with Shane and Vince McMahon as referees.

As for tonight, Faarooq vs. Bradshaw in a lumberjack match. The Union are lumberjacks. Test vs. Big Bossman in a nightstick on a pole match. The Stooges vs. The Mean Street Posse, loser leaves town. Ken Shamrock vs. Chyna. Yikes. Big Show vs. Paul Bearer, and if Undertaker interferes, he loses his title shot. Viscera & Mideon vs. Cactus Jack...in a hardcore handicap match. Hey, gotta have the ladies. Sable vs. Debra for the women's title in an evening gown match. And if Sable ducks out this time, she loses the title outright. And your main event: Triple H, The Undertaker, and Shane McMahon vs. Stone Cold, The Rock, and Vince McMahon in a tag match.

Your riot squad: Pat Patterson, Gerald Brisco, and WWF commissioner—and tonight's special referee for the main event—Shawn Michaels.

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1-800-Collect Rewind is Undertaker clubbing Big Show...literally.

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Big Show vs. Paul Bearer. Big Show's ready and Paul Bearer's gotta be dragged kicking and screaming. Paul ain't gonna do it. Fuck that noise. But Shawn Michaels has got different ideas. Get in the ring, fat man. Bell rings and we have a match. Paul covers up as the commish is on commentary. Paul's not a wrestler. Good thing he's in black pants. Show with a kick to the face and a leaping elbow that may have caused a small earthquake. Big Show appeals to the commish to waive the stipulation because he wants payback for the Undertaker clubbing Show. Play him in. Here comes the Deadman. Eventually. Ok, you not gonna come in? Another elbow drop for Paul. Corporate Ministry swarm on Big Show. Union comes out with 2x4s and the Corporate Ministry scatter. No contest for the second match in a row. Time of the match: 3 minutes even.

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Debra in her lovely evening gown, and Sable with Nicole Bass as the evening gown match is after the break.

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HBK still on commentary and it's Sable vs. Debra for the WWF Womens Championship. Challenger Debra in a lovely long red gown. Roar of the Wildcat and out comes the champ, Sable with Nicole Bass. Sable in what looks like lingerie, so her chances of retaining are... slim to say the least. Originally, this was scheduled for last week, but Sable had "commitments in Hollywood". Sable with her usual schtick. Where the hell is Sable sign. Sable's in the ring, but thanks for paying attention. HELLO LADIES! Out comes Val Venis, who's been trying to get him some of Debra. Distraction and Sable quickly rips Debra's dress. And that's a wrap. Sable retains in just 50 seconds. Val Venis tries to walk from Nicole Bass, but Jeff Jarrett El Kabong's Venis. Michael Cole in the ring to interview Sable, but pardon the interruption, here comes the commish. Shawn's apparently so impressed by Debra's puppies, he awards the WWF Womens Championship outright to Debra. Debra is the new WWF Womens Champion.

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Three-shot of Stone Cold, The Rock and Vince McMahon. In separate locker rooms.

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Cut to the Corporate Ministry inone locker room, and it's Test vs. Big Bossman in a nightstick on a pole match. Bossman gets knocked down and Test goes up after it. But he is pulled down and hammered. Bossman clotheslines him and goes for the nightstick. But Test kicks him over onto the apron. Bossman pokes his eye but Bossman is hung up in the ropes and he tilts into punches before collapsing to the floor. Test goes for it but he is crotched and he falls to the mat. Test is now hung upside down and hammered. Bossman works him over and drops him with a back elbow and then goes for a suplex but it blocked and reversed. Both are slow to get up. Bossman sends Test's head to the steps and the post. Chinlock, then neck crank, and Test gets the three arm treatment, but Test is up after two. Double clothesline and both men go down. Test with an electric chair drop and both men are down again. Test has the nightstick on a pole, but Bossman with a stick of his own. Test with a sunset flip attempt and Bossman nails Test right in the head with the stick on the pole, and Big Bossman is your winner at 7:03.

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Cactus Jack backstage looking for many weapons.

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Michael Cole interviews Val Venis and Venis is tired of Jarrett's shit. And he wants Jeff Jarrett tonight.

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Hardcore handicap match: The Corporate Ministry's Mideon & Viscera vs. Cactus Jack. Cactus out with basketballs. Cactus roll to Mideon, but belly to belly by the 1995 King of the Ring. Double elbows with chair to Cactus. Chair to the exposed back of Jack and he gets tossed like yesterday's news. Sick chairshot to the head. Cactus with a double DDT. Don't count him out yet. Jack with garbage cans to the head of both Mideon and Viscera. Jack tees off on Mideon, but Viscera knocks down Cactus. Ric Flair-style low blow by Jack, and Cactus Elbow with chair to Viscera, and that gets the three. Cactus Jack wins at 4:35. Post-match, Jack sends Viscera to the steps. Yes, blue shirt guy. Get those balls.

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Cut to Michael Cole with Chyna. Chyna explains womanly functions and ripping off testicles. Or something.

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Steve Blackman vignette. Beat is hypnotic. I'll say that.

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Bradshaw vs. Faarooq in a lumberjack match, and the lumberjacks are the members of the Union. And here come ¾ of the Union with 2x4s. Faarooq's basically saying...naah. We not doing this. Bradshaw will hand him his ass if he has to. So... we doing this or naah?Yup. Faarooq on Bradshaw, but Bradshaw quickly responds. Mankind's finally made it out with his 2x4. Faarooq sends Bradshaw out and the lumberjacks are doing what they're supposed to do. Faarooq goes out this time and he gets sent back in...only to get sent back out again. Bradshaw with a powerbomb, but only gets two. Bradshaw up top, but Faarooq catches him into a powerslam for two. Both men go out and the Union get a few free shots before throwing them back in. More slugging. Many right hands being thrown, and here comes Mideon and Viscera, who hammer Mideon and Viscera. They're gonna finish this, goddamnit. Bossman tries to reason as a faint chant of "let them fight" go out. Union is in with 2x4's and Viscera did not get the memo, and he's getting tagged with 2x4s. A third no contest of the night at about 2 ½ minutes.

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Patterson and Brisco possibly making their last walk to the ring.

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The Mean Street Posse vs. Patterson & Brisco in a loser leaves the WWF match. Mean Street Posse out first, and highlights of last week where the Posse get owned by the oldtimers. Gerald Brisco and Pat Patterson, real Americans, out next. Posse get the jump on Patterson and Brisco as this match is on. Posse beats on Brisco, but Gerry trying to mount some offense. Pete Gas brings out the belt, but Patterson brings out the riot helmet. Brisco and Patterson with a figure four and Boston Crab respectively, and it's a submission win for the Stooges at 2:09. Patterson's taking off his shirt. Stop that, Pat. Seriously, Pat. Stop. No, Gerry. You stop too.

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Michael Cole with Ken Shamrock. Shamrock looks reluctant, and rightfully so. Dude was raised to not hit a woman or there'd be hell to pay.

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Val Venis—scratch that—Jeff Jarrett and Debra out first for this challenge match, Jeff Jarrett vs. Val Venis. Replay of earlier tonight when Jarrett got blasted with the guitar. Val Venis gets a full head of steam, and Jarrett sends Val right out. But Venis quickly gets the advantage. Venis with a piledriver attempt, but Jarrett fights out with a backdrop on the floor. Inverted atomic drop and powerslam gets a near fall. Perfectplex by Venis gets a near fall. Jeff catches Venis ducking early and nails a DDT. Venis lowers his head early again and gets the business end of a swinging neckbreaker. Jarrett struts as Debra looks on in approval. Sleeper by Jarrett, but Venis quickly out, and Jarrett with an armbar takedown for two. Loud "WE WANT PUPPIES!" chant. Jarrett crossbody from the top gets two. Venis with a schoolboy for two. Rollup gets a near fall. Jarrett whiffs on the dropkick, Venis whiffs on an elbow, and both men go down with clotheslines. Val with a pair of rights and an elbow. Kitchen sink knees and a Russian legsweep. Venis grinds and Jarrett with a surprise pin attempt. Only two. Spinebuster by Val and Debra is up on the ring apron. Val's ready for the money shot and Debra's stripping. Debra with her belt in hand for some reason... there it is. Jarrett grabs the belt and title shots Val with it, and Jeff Jarrett wins at 8:03.

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Ken Shamrock and Chyna make their way  from their locker rooms as they're set to face off next.

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Beaver Cleavage vignette.  I'll take things I need to not be reminded of for $600, Alex.

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HIGHER BRAIN PATTERN plays in Chyna with Triple H for this world's most dangerous matchup: Ken Shamrock vs. Chyna. Last week, Chyna as special referee helps Triple H defeat Ken Shamrock. Ken Shamrock out next and he looks like he wants to be anywhere but in that ring. Shamrock's like... naah. I'm not doing it. Chyna pushes Ken. Ken's not gonna do it. Chyna slaps Ken. Ken struggling to keep it together. Chyna elbows Ken. And Ken's got Chyna by the throat. It's two on one. And Ken belly to bellys Chyna. Goddamnit. No contest. For the fourth time tonight.

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Stone Cold, The Rock, and Vince McMahon make the walk, as does referee Shawn Michaels.

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Special referee Shawn Michaels out first for your main event: The Corporate Ministry's Shane McMahon, The Undertaker, and Triple H versus WWF Champion Stone Cold Steve Austin, The Rock, and Vince McMahon. The Corporate Ministry out first, and they're together. With Chyna. The Corporate Ministry out first, and they're together.  With Chyna. Asshole chants. Vince McMahon out next to no music.  DO YOU SMELL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING? Shane grabs Vince and Undertaker chokeslams Vince. Then Tombstone Piledriver. The Rock and Triple H fight on the outside, as Shane and Undertaker drag Vince out. They could cover Vince and wrap this up, but they wanna kill Vince or something. GLASS BREAKS and out comes the WWF Champion to a HUGE pop. Austin and Undertaker fight on the outside. Triple H and Rock fighting on the outside. Shane and Vince fighting on the outside. Triple H sent to the steps. ANARCHY! ANARCHY! ANARCHY! Oh, and The Rock's left arm is in a cast for some reason. It escapes me at the moment. Meanwhile in the ring, Undertaker's choking Austin. Triple H and The Rock make their way in, and Rock gets lowblowed. Austin goes for the stunner, but is blocked right into a pedigree attempt, which gets blocked. The Rock with a Rock Bottom to Triple H, but Undertaker pulls Rock off the pin. Shane throwing Vince back in the ring. MASS CHAOS! Shane with an elbow to the still lifeless Vince. Then a second. Austin with a stunner to Vince. Vince with a cover on Shane, but Austin pulls him off. A second Stunner, and the WWF Champion wins it for his team. Stone Cold, The Rock, and Vince McMahon win it at 4:38. Beer party!

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QUICK REVIEW

Wow. Even for 1999, this show was NOT good. Almost certain nothing was advanced for the Over the Edge PPV. It seems like a throwaway PPV to get to King of the Ring the following month. And yet... it was still better than whatever WCW had going on, which you'll probably need an even BIGGER scorecard to keep up with. There are a couple good matches on the show (Jarrett vs. Venis and Kane vs. Billy Gunn), but nothing I'd seriously recommend. Yeah, it's the highest rated RAW ever, but it was not because of what was on the show, but because of the circumstances. That said, here's a little bit of trivia: know how many times Nitro did a 4 or better after this night? Two. And it was only because of the US Open. So perhaps the regular Nitro viewers liked something about this show enough to say they've had enough of WCW and figured, hey, might as well give WWF  a shot. When you're hot, maybe you can afford to have an off night once in a while.

But on its own, whether in 1999 or 2015, not a must watch beyond a viewing or two.

Grade: D