WWE Monday Night Raw comes waltzing back into our lives tonight (Mar. 16, 2015) from the Wells Fargo Arena in Des Moines, Iowa, featuring all the latest build to the upcoming WrestleMania 31 pay-per-view (PPV) extravaganza later this month in Santa Clara, California.
Advertised for tonight: Randy Orton challenges Seth Rollins to a match at WrestleMania, the last Hall of Fame inductee into this year's class, and more!
Come right back here at 8 p.m. ET when the Raw live blog kicks off once the show starts on USA. It will be below this line here. (REMINDER: NO GIFS OR PICS ARE ALLOWED IN THE COMMENTS SECTION. OFFENDERS WILL BE BANNED.)
WWE RAW RESULTS AND LIVE BLOG FOR MAR. 16
BaconStrips here. Let's see if WWE can improve on the mess that was last week's Raw...
WWE signature and a recap of Michael Cole's interview with Randy Orton.
Seth Rollins, J&J Security, Big Show, and Kane are in the ring, and they look pissed.
Rollins taunts the hometown crowd, telling them that they REALLY enjoyed watching Randy Orton destroy Rollins.
Rollins talks about betrayal (heh), saying that it takes being a somebody to be betrayed, unlike the Iowa crowd.
Rollins says that Orton mocked him while he was suffering. Rollins trusted Orton, calling him a friend and a family member before he was betrayed.
Rollins then pulls out the ballsy statement that Orton's betrayal was NOTHING like Rollins' betrayal of The Shield. Whereas Rollins' betrayal of The Shield was a business decision, Orton's betrayal of Rollins was a cold-blooded massacre.
If The Authority wouldn't have let Orton back in their fold, none of this would have happened. In short, Rollins is disgusted.
Big Show then takes the mic to loud boos. Show apologizes to Rollins for being responsible for what happened. Show then pretty much repeats what Rollins said about Orton.
Big Show tells us that he crushes snakes in the grass, and that he is a giant (funniest thing he has ever said)
Kane takes the mic now, saying that he was also suckered by Orton, saying that Orton will pay.
Jamie Noble (markmarkmark) takes the mic. Noble said that he smelled a rat when Orton came back. Jamie Noble is hurt, ladies and gentlemen.
Joey Mercury was so hurt that he refused to take the mic. Big Show gave him a consoling hug.
Seth Rollins vows to destroy Randy Orton's ego. He says that Orton has never messed with anyone like him.
Seth Rollins accepts Randy Orton's WrestleMania challenge IF Randy Orton faces Seth Rollins tonight.
As Rollins continues, Randy Orton comes out.
Orton says that he's just a guy that make Rollins look like a little bitch last week. Orton also accepts Rollins' challenge for tonight.
Orton knows that it'll really be 5-on-1. However, Orton has enough venom for each and every Authority member. Basically, if Orton makes it to WrestleMania, then The Future will end.
AJ Lee vs Nikki Bella
After what was actually a pretty long (~8 minutes) and decent match, Nikki got the win with a Rack Attack after she was able to take advantage of a (SURPRISE!) distracted AJ Lee. You see, Paige called Brie an "idiot", and Brie responded by throwing Paige into the ring post. This distracted AJ enough to allow Nikki to use that huge forearm.
Nikki Bella def AJ Lee
Recap of last week on SmackDown when Mark Henry returned to WWE to get speared.
Renee Young interviews Kane and Big Show. Kane says that Big Show will be in Seth Rollins' corner tonight. This annoys Big Show, and the two start bickering. Seth Rollins stops the argument, calling the two stupid. Big Show responds by getting in Rollins' face. Kane pulls Big Show away and tells Rollins' that he enjoyed Orton's destruction of Rollins. As a result of Rollins' brattiness, Big Show and Kane will not be in Rollins' corner.
Ryback vs The Miz
Miz gets destroyed while Mizdow laughs. Not much else to say here except that it'll be EXTREMELY satisfying when Mizdow turns on Miz
Ryback squashes The Miz
After the match, Mizdow helps Miz up, and Miz thanks him with a Skull-Crushing Finale
It's contract-signing time. This time, either John Cena or Rusev will have the opportunity to go through the table.
Michael Cole asks Cena to sign. Cena holds the contract, then talks about the match and Rusev. Cena calls this the most important match of his career. He also addresses Rusev being the US Champion and him representing America.
Cena signs the contract, saying that enough is enough. Rusev had disrespected America for the last time, and it's time to knock him down a few pegs. Cena declares this contract the Declaration of Independence, and the US Title match at WrestleMania will be the Revolution.
Next, Rusev comes out with some dude in lieu of Lana. A "we want Lana" chant starts.
That dude takes the mic. He claims that he's Rusev's attorney, and he declares that Rusev won't be competing against John Cena at WrestleMania. This is also the worst Russian impression I've ever heard.
The attorney shows a couple exhibits: Stephanie McMahon telling Cena that he has to get Rusev's blessing for the WM match, and Lana granting the match last week.
After an eternity, Rusev takes the mic and starts reading a message that rips America. This angers John Cena enough for him to dropkick the table, sending Rusev and his attorney out of the ring.
The match is official
The New Day vs The Brass Ring Club
Didn't see much of this as I was getting a sandwich/recovering from the last segment. The Brass Ring Club gets the win.
The Brass Bring Club def The New Day
After the match, Los Matadores brawl with The New Day. Cesaro neutralizes Kofi Kingston, then gets kicked by El Torito. Cesaro grabs Torito, but Los Matadores get in the ring to drive Cesaro away before PETA is called.
Seth Rollins talks to J&J Security. He tells them to not leave this week. Jamie Noble starts ripping on Rollins for his stupidity and how The Future went to his head. Rollins cold-cocks Jamie, causing him to quit. Joey Mercury follows suit.
An interview with Brock Lesnar is aired. He says that he was put on this earth to maim, and he enjoys it. He brings up WrestleMania XXX and defeating the Undertaker. He says that it was another day at the office, and he loved it.
He addresses his WWE contract simply: if he stays, he will be WWE Champion. If he goes, he will be WWE Champion.
If Lesnar has a message for Roman Reigns, it would be that Reigns should keep dreaming, and that Reigns will earn a unique ass-kicking at WrestleMania.
"At WrestleMania, I am going to [CENSORED] up Roman Reigns....the end."
Big Show vs Erick Rowan
Match doesn't even start. He just destroys Erick Rowan.
Larry Zbyszko is announced for the WWE Hall of Fame
A bunch of people are in the ring. Kane is also in there, and promises to demonstrate what happens in a battle royal. Mark Henry comes out and throws his hat in the ring.
A spontaneous battle royal ensues with Kane and Henry throwing everyone out. Henry and Kane brawl until Henry puts Kane on the apron. Curtis Axel enters the ring and tries to eliminate both men, but is only eliminated by Henry.
Henry admires the Andre the Giant Trophy, and that was the most random segment ever.
Our lord and savior, Paul Heyman, is in the ring.
He immediately starts putting Brock Lesnar over as the most credible champion in any sport. He also tells us that Lesnar laughs at the idea of rules, and that Lesnar is not a pacifist, but a conqueror.
Lesnar's not coming to WrestleMania to make love; he's coming to make WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!
Heyman tells us that we're stuck with Lesnar as champion, and there isn't a think we can do....and the mic cuts out.
After the mic starts working again, Heyman tells us that Lesnar will run over Roman Reigns. Heyman says that Reigns can't beat Brock Lesnar.
As Heyman starts catching fire, Roman Reigns comes out.
Reigns starts putting over Paul Heyman before informing him that he is actually giving fair warning about his family and what he can do.
He tells Heyman to step aside, as he has words for Lesnar.
Reigns is expecting a fight, and hoping for a war. He wants to be carried out, and he's gonna have plenty of people to carry him out. It should be noted that a "Daniel Bryan" chant is going on.
Reigns says that he's gonna beat Lesnar's ass because he can.
Paul Heyman is walking backstage when Renee Young stops him for an interview. Heyman tells Renee that Reigns is trying to play chess with the chessmaster. He also says that Brock Lesnar will be at Raw next week, so Reigns can say anything he wants to Lesnar.
Daniel Bryan, Dean Ambrose, and Dolph Ziggler vs Bad News Barrett, Stardust, and Luke Harper
Before the match, R-Truth makes his way to the commentary table, and he has the Intercontinental Championship clipped on the back of his shirt.
Honestly, this was the same tag match that we saw on SmackDown. However, the ending was fast paced and insane. Ziggler inadvertently superkicked Bryan, then superkicked Luke Harper. Insanity ensued until Ambrose hit Dirty Deeds on Barrett.
Team Bryan def Team Barrett
After the bell, IC Title shenanigans continued. Truth tried to escape scot-free, but Stardust stole the title. Chasing and brawling ensued, and eventually the title ends up at the feet of both Bryan and Ziggler. The two hold the title, then start brawling. Luke Harper enter the ring and eats a superkick and running knee. After this, Barrett comes in and Bullhammers everyone
The IC Title is in the hands of its rightful owner.
Stephanie McMahon and Triple H are talking backstage when Seth Rollins comes in to complain and appeal to The Authority. Steph tells Rollins to fix his own problems. Rollins starts backtalking Steph and Trips, and a staredown ensues. Steph separates the two and tells Rollins to man up. Trips tells Rollins to get out until things go from bad to worse.
Bray Wyatt cuts a promo next to a very fancy urn. He talks about Abigail before talking about Undertaker's actions from last week. However, Undertaker only turned the chair into dust.
What is left of Undertaker? Bray asks this before taunting Undertaker for losing to Brock Lesnar.
WrestleMania will be Undertaker's final resting place, and Bray's chance to take his place among the gods.
Behold the new face of fear.
Randy Orton vs Seth Rollins
Before he enters the ring, Seth Rollins stands onstage with a mic. He addresses Orton's betrayal of The Authority. It took Randy Orton three weeks to make The Authority look like fools. However, it only took Seth Rollins three hours to play Randy Orton.
A reunited Authority appears onstage and approaches the ring. Randy Orton gets a chair to prepare.
As The Authority surrounds the ring, a caw sounds.
HOLY HELL, STING IS IN THE RING!!!!!
Orton and Sting absolutely destroy The Authority, with Sting delivering a Scorpion Deathdrop to Jamie Noble and Orton delivering the RKO to Joey Mercury.
Randy Orton and Sting stand tall to end the show.