Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena: When all else fails, just listen to Paul Heyman

Last night's episode of Monday Night Raw featured WWE taking the Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena story in a new direction, at least as it pertains to the latter character. The idea, you see, is that someone realized they actually booked Cena to lose via brutal beating that would have been classified a burial if it was Cena handing it out to anyone else, and he probably shouldn't be granted an immediate rematch.

Cena responded to this like a child whining about not getting his way, demanding he get what he wants lest he sue the pink violet (nimrod) tie off Triple H. They handled this by booking a six-man tag team main event so Cena could stand on the outside begging for a tag, get that tag, come in and wreck shop, then let Roman Reigns get the pin so he could get in Triple H's face and again demand his rematch.

It's all bullshit.

John Cena's character is barely a human being at this point, incapable of understanding what it actually means to be a human being. The good news is we have Paul Heyman to fall back on and a good thing to remember in situations like this is when all else fails, just listen to Paul Heyman.

"My client has authorized me to enlighten you on the term 'overcompensatory behavior'. And as any educated, qualified psycho analyst would surely testify on my behalf that is exactly what has been exhibited by your hero, John Cena, ever since he was defeated in the most one-sided, lopsided title match in WWE history at SummerSlam by my client Brock Lesnar.

"Now, what I'm about to tell you is not conjecture, it is historical fact. ... My client Brock Lesnar beat, victimized, and conquered John Cena at SummerSlam. And now let's add a new adjective to that vivid but oh so accurate description: My client Brock Lesnar emasculated John Cena at SummerSlam.

"Now, ladies and gentlemen,as any great champion before him, John Cena has now suffered the fate of seeing the day where he has been stripped of his manhood. And what happens when a champion faces that fate? They stop listening to reason. Last week, John Cena did not listen to reason by the Hall of Fame panel. Tonight, John Cena did not listen to what was reasonably best for business as strategized by Triple H in that very ring. And Triple H sees John Cena as a cash cow, a cash cow that will be milked for the last time at Night of Champions by Brock Lesnar.

"John Cena is so desperate to hold on to your image of him as being virile and relevant. That's why he ate through the Wyatt's last week. That's why he'll be so spectacular in the main event tonight. Well bravo, John Cena. You can stack that entire locker room together and multiply it by inifinity and it still doesn't equate to half of the brutatlity and the dominance that John Cena will suffer from and be subjected to at Night of Champions by my client, the beast, the champion of the world, Brock Lesnar."

Yes, that's much better.