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Let's blame everything on Seth Rollins

Megan Elice Meadows

NOTE: This, in all fairness, is a light-hearted take on the most shocking wrestling moment on free TV in 2014. Because we could all use a little humor in this situation right now.

Monday, June 2, 2014, just after 10 p.m. local time. Indianapolis, Indiana. Shortly before a scheduled Randy Orton vs. Roman Reigns match that had Orton and Triple H outnumbered (thanks to Bluetista quitting--again) by The Shield, the "Cerebral Assassin" announced there was a Plan B. What Plan B could there be? Batista was gone just one night after Evolution was soundly defeated at Payback.

The backup plan shocked everyone.

Seth Rollins, the Benedict Arnold that he is, went into business for himself, first laying out Roman Reigns, then Dean Ambrose before passing off the chair to Orton so the leftovers of Evolution could finish the job.

It was a Game of Thrones-esque backstab, one that few saw coming. But when it came, people were angry, sad, bitter. Some were so bitter, they'd figure, why not? Let's blame the world's problems on this Fredo mofo.

Okay, it was me. And with the help of Cagesiders everywhere, Seth Rollins, the blood is on your hands for all this. We even made a list.

  • Roman Reigns' trust issues
  • BryanDanielson'sBeard's sudden dislike of hotdogs
  • The 502 error yesterday morning on this site
  • The new Godzilla movie
  • The 1998 Godzilla movie
  • Global warming
  • The Ukraine Crisis
  • Kevin Dunn and his existence and employment (and the fact that he makes $700,000 a year.)
  • VenEmma
  • Vince Russo entering Hollywood
  • Vince Russo's Twitter account
  • The success of all the top 40 pop stars
  • Robert Pattison: Indiana Jones
  • Vinnie Paul's continuing refusal to make up with Phil Anselmo
  • The Miami Heat making their fourth straight NBA Finals appearance
  • LOLCenaWins
  • The declining quality of SmackDown
  • The declining quality of NXT
  • The declining quality of Monday Night RAW
  • Cameron getting a match with Paige
  • The economy
  • Rusev and all of his existence in WWE
  • RVD's promo on Main Event
  • Dolph Ziggler's concussion
  • Samus' new boots in the new Super Smash Bros
  • Cody Rhodes and Goldust splitting up
  • Jerry Lawler likely getting his contract renewed
  • The continued employment of Vickie Guerrero
  • Nattie and Tyson's "marital problems"
  • Bo Dallas' first run on the main roster
  • For giving Lemmings a bad name
  • The WWE stock price drop
  • Sami Zayn not on the main roster yet
  • Stealing Shawn Michaels' smile
  • Keith leaving and marrying AJ
  • The continued downward spiral of Damien Sandow
  • UK being costly
  • The Undertaker's streak being broken
  • TNA
  • Eva Marie's employment
  • The continued existence of Total Divas
  • WWE Network not getting enough subscribers
  • My empty refrigerator
  • The state of the Divas division
  • The cake being a lie
  • Stealing Malcolm Tucker's app and activating it
  • Obama
  • Miss Elizabeth being put in a dangerous position
  • The Injustice 2.0 game app that erased a year's worth of work with the upgrade
  • The cancellation of Firefly and Terriers
  • The state of the commentary table because Seth Rollins shot JR and framed the other JR so that he got fired from commentary
  • This
  • The departures of Chris Jericho and Daniel Bryan
  • USA's group in the 2014 FIFA World Cup
  • The Chicago Blackhawks losing in Game 7
  • Armbar
  • Bray Wyatt getting buried
  • An amazing Payback
  • Creating pollution
  • Making Barnes shoot Elias in Platoon
  • Orchestrating the Montreal Screwjob and all the copycat versions since
  • Greedo shooting first
  • Geno not firing Sean recently
  • Taking Cageside Live off the air the last few weeks
  • Nazi Germany
  • Stalin's Russia
  • The breakup of the Beatles
  • The fourth Indiana Jones movie
  • The Star Wars prequels, especially Jake Lloyd and Jar Jar Binks
  • The Ides of March ("Et tu, Seth?")
  • New Coke
  • Crystal Pepsi
  • Sethropogenic climate change
  • Sethropogenic climate change deniers
  • Watergate
  • The Black Sox Scandal
  • The grassy knoll
  • Slipping John Wilkes Booth the pistol at Ford's Theater
  • Slipping Roose Bolton the chain mail at the Red Wedding
  • Just before the trial by combat, whispering in Oberyn's ear, "When you've got him dpwn, don't give him the coup de grace. No, stand around and taunt him, he won't do anything."
  • Just before Ned tried to arrest Cersei, he told him it was totally okay to trust Littlefinger and Janos Slynt.
  • His hate for Luminas
  • Making Bayley sad, which is a federal offense
  • The cancellation of MXC, even though it ran as many episodes as Takeshi's Castle, the show for which MXC is based
  • The fact that Takeshi's Castle Volume 6 has not been released on DVD
  • The cancellation of Symbionic Titan
  • The cancellation of Tron: Uprising
  • The cancellation of Megas XLR
  • Emma being stuck with Santino
  • Causing us to blame Batista for things, even though it was correct to do so at the time
  • Big E Langston not being a Seth Rollins blamer
  • Giving Big E the idea that standing around backstage and watching TV and rubbing your chin would totally get him over
  • Ronaldo having knee tendonosis
  • Liverpool missing out on the Premier League title
  • Prince Devitt turning up in TNA
  • Norv Fernum and Dewey Barnes being booked into a year-long ironman match, of which it's only about a third over
  • The fall of WCW, including, but not limited to Starrcade 1997, the ending of Goldberg's streak with a taser, Vince Russo's run, the Fingerpoke of Doom, and Hulk Hogan's WCW career
  • The overall lack of competition in American wrestling
  • World War II
  • The Holocaust
  • Possibly the Mongol Conquest

Add Seth's backstabbing of his brothers-in-arms on Monday night, and the Fredo with the skunk hair is the face of a monster. He's evil incarnate, I tell you. This is all on your hands, Seth. But don't worry. The universe tends to remove evil from it more often than not. I'm just saying, accidents happen, you know? Payback is coming.

So what do you blame on this Fredo rat bastard?

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