WWE Raw results, live blog for April 21, 2014: Daniel Bryan returns

WWE Monday Night Raw comes waltzing back into our lives tonight (April 21, 2014) from the Baltimore Arena in Baltimore, Maryland, featuring the return of WWE World Heavyweight Champion Daniel Bryan, who is back from his honeymoon.

Advertised for tonight: Bryan is back and so is the masked version of Kane. "The Big Red Monster" has promised to destroy our champion. Evolution and The Shield are still going at it. The Intercontinental title number one contender tournament will continue. And Bray Wyatt and John Cena are getting extreme.

Come right back here at 8 p.m. ET when the Raw live blog kicks off once the show starts on USA. It will be below this line here. (REMINDER: NO GIFS OR PICS ARE ALLOWED IN THE COMMENTS SECTION. OFFENDERS WILL BE BANNED.)

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WWE RAW RESULTS AND LIVE BLOG FOR APRIL 21

Rex here. Let's mark out with our snark out.

Less Rex.  More Sean.  DEAL WITH IT.

I hate live blogging.  Please be a good show.

Main event rewind of The Shield getting Authorit-Evolution-ed last week.

The WWE World Heavyweight Champ is in the ring with Mrs. WWE World Heavyweight Champ to a chorus of YES.  And here comes the Billion Dollar Princess.  Don't worry, though, Steph is just here to offer a heart-felt congratulations.  And to back-handed compliment their "crunchy" wedding.

She gives D-Bry a wedding present, an Extreme Rules title defense against Kane "in demon form", which has me much more excited about the match.  She warns Bryan to get the missus out of the ring, and Kane's music hits.  McMahon tries to call him off, but he appears out of nowhere and makes for Brie.  The champ fights him off long enough for her to escape, but The Big Red Monster piledrives him onto the floor.  He's back in his full monster gear with mask, and Steph tries to call him out throughout.

A second piledriver onto the steel steps.  Steph calls for the EMTs and Bryan may have the rest of the night off.

Kane returns to dump him from the stretcher and throw a bunch of stuff around before piledriving him on the announce table.  Probably more like a week off.

The principal owner calls the monster she unleashed last week a "bastard" as the EMTs get back to D-Bry and we head to our first break.

Still with the trauma unit, with a distraught Brie and Steph holding the belts.  Mega-heel McMahon requests a "warm round of applause" for the champ as he's stretchered off and we get the four hundredth replay of the attack.

#BadNewsBarrett and Sheamus gets to follow that.  The Bad News is, it's not St. Patrick's Day, and the luck of the Irish will run out tonight.  Sheamus in charge with strikes as Baltimore chants for Barrett.  Wade gets out of the ten beats of the bowery (or whatever), whipping The Celtic Warrior into the ring post and booting him off the apron for a commercial.

It takes Sheamus about a second to get on a roll once we come back.  He reddens Barrett's chest, but can only get two.  Big E is back watching the show, but this week the monitor is to his left.  Finishers are countered, but BNB eventually land Winds of Change, but red kicks out at 2.5.  The Bull Hammer is wound up, but Sheamus ducks under under it.  He eventually catched Bad News off the ropes for White Noise, but Barrett kicks out!  They trade punches until a crossbody sends both men to the floor.

The scramble for control and Barrett connects with the Bull Hammer from the other side.  He gets the pin and he's going to the Finals!

I BO-LIEVE!

Hugh Jackman will be back on Raw next week, Dolph Ziggler is a face now and Zack Ryder is no longer relevant.  So Dolph will be playing the role of Iced Z, and Damien Sandow will be playing Dolph.  Wolverine still wins.

Most controversial App vote EVAH says Cole!  You can pick who John Cena faces tonight out of Luke Harper, Harper and Erick Rowan or Harper, Rowan and Bray Wyatt.

Bray remembers the first time he was ever struck by truth, and he liked it.  Free will is a lie, though,  But tonight would be a great night for change, and free will does exist.  He puts over the App vote, and says it our opportunity to say to John Cena "we stand against you".  Wyatt says that every time he and Cena cross paths, he takes more of the WWE Universe with him.  He then leads Baltimore in a chorus of "The Whole World".

Recap of little people wrestling from Smackdown leads into a three-on-three of Los Matadores and 3MB (with Heath Slater managing).  The bull and the leprechaun start us off with more slaps than the average episode of Total Divas.  Jinder breaks up the pin following a "bull-sault".  Torito gores a bunch of dudes in the junk and eventually pins Drew McIntyre.  That's The Chosen One, ladies and gents.

Hunter, Dave and Randy are limousine riding, suit wearing best friends again.  And they're gonna talk our ears off in the 9PM slot.

Trips thinks stuff is funny.  Maybe because he's extra raspy tonight.  Nope, it's because The Shield said they were the baddest dudes on the planet, and their daddies had to come out and spank them.  The Viper kind of awkwardly kicks it to a history lesson video package about the "most destructive force the WWE has ever seen", with 100% less Flair than you might remember.

Batista brings up the impressive fact that there are 31 World titles in the ring tonight.  Deal with that.

Sierra. Hotel. India. Echo. Lima. Delta.  And the suits bale.  Dean tells Mr. Cerebral Assassin and company that that wasn't the first time they've been beaten up, and asks if they look humbled.  Rollins says they have every right to be angry, but they know exactly what they're getting into - because they started it.  And when war comes at ER, each member of Evolution will be looking out for themselves, while The Shield will rip the little reunion they're so proud of will come to an abrupt halt.  Roman gives Evolution an ultimatum.  The Hounds are coming right up this ramp at them, and Orton and company can be men or "creampuffs".  Trips takes option three, which is to bring out last week's mid-card heel squad.

Option three works.  Somebody get The Game a lozenge.

The five hundredth replay of Kane's destruction of Bryan airs.  Update from Cole: Bryan is having "CAT scans and such" done on his neck at an area medical facility.

Adam Rose is coming soon.  I think his hype videos are getting worse.

Ryabxel are on commentary for The Usos match, since they are the only intact heel tag team in WWE right now.  Total Divas recap of Jimmy and Naomi/Trinity's wedding.  Tonight they'll face another recent bridegroom and his brother, Dem Rhodes Boys.

Ryback endears himself to fans everywhere by telling the announce team that they suck.  JBL, King and Cole proceed to prove them right by sucking.

Evenly matched action in the ring.  Good tag team choreography with several blind tags, but Cody eats the pin and refuses solace from Goldust as we're back to teasing a break-up of that team.  Rybaxel attack the champs after the bell, and The Uso with paint on the left-side of his face gets Shell Shocked.

Fandango and Layla are in the ring, which means Emma and Santino can't be far behind.  BUBBLES!  Wacky chivalrous entrance to the ring.  They flirt over a handshake, and 'Dango yanks Marella from the apron, allowing Layla to jump Emma from behind.  The Aussie eventually connected with a crossbody while Santino Cobras Fandango on the floor.  Emma then busts out a pink sock and Cobras Layla for the win.  Wacky snake tangling ensues.

Renee Young talks to John Cena, who is making his serious concerned face.  He's worried that the WWE Universe will listen to Bray Wyatt tonight.  He knows what's going on, because he hears the same song everywhere he's been since WrestleMania.  No matter what happens tonight, if he can survive, the steel cage will guarantee one-on-one in two weeks.

Cesaro's new music starts with an air raid siren.  So there's that.  Paul Heyman has a mic, and he knows how to use it.  He puts over The King of Swing for a second before beginning his Brock Lesnar lecture.  Which is immediately cut-off by a commercial.  Huh.

We're back, and Heyman has been saying that his client Brock Lesnar conquered The Undertaker's undefeated streak at WrestleMania the whole time we were gone.  Save us, RVD.

Fast pace until Cesaro catches RVD and spins him into a backbreaker.  The educated feet get Van Dam right back into it.  The Swiss Superman with an awesome sell of a Monkey Flip, and sidesteps a charge to send Rob into the ringpost, and then dropkicks him in the posterior to drive him further into the steel.  Time to sell you some stuff.

Cesaro with chin lock when we return, and he cuts off a comeback with a double stomp.  Lots of European uppercuts, followed by an elbow drop for two.  The announcers are playing up Cesaro's thwarting his own face turn by picking Heyman as his manager.  Curious.  Van Dam takes charge with kicks, a shoulder block and Rolling Thunder, but he can't get three.

RVD feels froggy, but Cesaro catches him with a European - knocking him from the top rope. He recovers to send the Heyman guy back to the mat and connects with a split-leg moonsault for two.  A heel kick misses, and Cesaro catches him with another EU while he's hung up on the top rope.  The Swinger throws him up and catches RVD in a powerbomb.  He sets up for his most popular move when Zeb and Swaggie hit the stage.  Mr. Monday Night tries to take advantage while the former partners square off, but Cesaro catches Van Dam.  While Heyman and Colter bicker, Swagger throws Cesaro into the ringpost, leading to him losing via countout.

RVD will face Barrett in the finals next week.  Swagger starts a post-match beatdown, but The Swiss Superman shrugs him off and goes to swing Zeb.  The All-American stops that, but gets swung himself.  The crowd is cheering everyone here even though they're heels, and they'll get to keep doing so for a while, it seems.

The six hundredth replay of Kane's shocking attack runs.  The medical facilities have reported back, and he just has a bad stinger, but will be kept overnight for observation.

RY with RVD, but Paul Heyman interupts.  Cesaro says that Van Dam couldn't beat him fair and square, and Heyman says he's disappointed in his former ECW talent.  Rob warns Cesaro to keep his wallet, his house and his future away from Paul.

Smackdown rewind...oh wait, they're just doing this match again.  Divas champ Paige vs. Aksana.  Paige in control early, but Aksana takes charge with some high knees.  The Lithiuanian works her over with strikes and rest holds until the champ gets control with some hair attack.  Aksana with an awkward looking toss as the crowd gets restless.  Big knee, clothesline, Paige Closer.  Not the best match, but the right outcome.

Lana says it's our privledge to share oxygen with Alexander Rusev, then makes like a Borg.  And here comes The Bulgarian Brute to face Sin Cara.

ALERT THE MEDIA!  Xavier Woods AND R-Truth vs. Xavier Woods at Extreme Rules.

Sin Cara Verde is destoryed while Lana looks on, and the disinterested crowd chants for JBL.  Sin Cara gets in about a minute worth of offense, but doesn't do much damage.  "CRUSH" and tap.

If you fail to prepare, PREPARE TO FAIL non-BO-LIEVERS!

Ja wohl!  And the WWE App-iverse has chosen (tell 'em Jerry)...the whole Family!

They are killing a lot of time getting to this match.  What an oddly paced show.

Bray rallies the crowd, and John looks around confused.  All three Wyatts attack Cena in the corner, and the referee (John Cone?)  shuttles Rowan and Wyatt out of the action since they will have to tag in to this three-on-one handicap match.

Rowan softens Cena up for a waltz with Bray, but he doesn't go for the pin, but instead tags Harper back in.  John tries to mount a comeback, but ends up eating a big elbow.  Cena suplexes Luke onto his shoulder, so Rowan comes in to deliver a pumphandle back breaker while The Eater of Worlds confers with his First Son.  Bray toys with his nemesis some more, then lets Harper back in.  He gets caught in an STF, but Erick breaks it up.

This goes on with Cena getting in occasional valiant attempts at offense while the asskicking continues through a last commercial.

Bray finally goes for a cover following a choke slam after ten minutes.  He's lost it, and works over Cena with elbows to the head and a running headbutt with John up against the ring post beforing singing a little and tagging in Rowan for a vice hold.  The leader of the Cenation muscles out, and dodges a charge from big red.  Erick makes the tag, and Bray is in for a big splah and the J-horror crab walk.  John stops that with a big clothesline.  He cleans house in the corner, and comes at Bray with his moves of doom.  Five knuckle shuffle, AA and he's gonna wi...no, schmoz as Harper breaks up the pin and the ref calls for the bell.

Post-bell beatdown begins, and the boys hold up Cena so Bray can hit him with Sister Abigail.  He cradles Cena's head, says "in time, all things come to life" and then sings us out.  With three verses, and to John's credit, he sells through all of them.

Good night, Baltimore.  Cagesiders - hit the podcast.