WWE Monday Night Raw comes waltzing back into our lives tonight (Oct. 8, 2012) from the Power Balance Pavilion in Sacramento, California, featuring the return of the Chairman of the Board himself, Vince McMahon.
When the ratings go south, the boss steps in. He'll deliver a state of the union address, likely at the top of the first hour.
John Cena is also scheduled to come back after one week away. He's still rehabbing his surgically repaired elbow but that won't stop WWE from trotting him out to get numbers back up.
Oh and to advance his feud with CM Punk.
Speaking of Punk, he's seemingly feuding with everyone, from Cena all the way down to The Ryback. We'll see where that goes tonight, I'm assuming.
Plus, AJ THIGHS!
Come right back here at 8 p.m. ET when the Raw live blog kicks off once the show starts on USA. It will be below this line here.
WWE RAW RESULTS AND LIVE BLOG FOR OCT. 1
John Cena is here, to the usual mixed crowd.
He tells the crowd he missed them and asks if they missed him. He gets more cheers than boos. He says it felt like a year after the surgery. He says sitting outside of the ring, he now realizes what is going on inside WWE.
He says the WWE Tag Team Champions have anger management issues. He notes one is a demon and one is a goat and that we should call them team "HEYYYAWWW NO!"
He then notes that Antonio Cesaro has huge nipples.
He then calls out the Divas, then asking AJ on a date. He says that he'd like to take her to In-N-Out.
He notes Arnold Schwarzenegger, Larry King, and Vince McMahon are all involved tonight.
He asks for the crowd to get loud, but says he is sorry the crowd doesn't have a voice either. CM Punk allegedly stole this voice. He says "The Voice of the Voiceless" is now the "Voice of the Selfish." He says that since Punk holds the belt, it is his choice to take on Cena.
He says if Punk is the best in the world, he'll make a legendary moment by facing Cena at Hell in a Cell.
Cena thanks the crowd and wants them to voice their opinion when Punk comes out. Cena says the only true gripe he has with Punk is that he isn't a man. He wants Punk to be a man and not a punk. Cena calls for Punk to cement his legacy at Hell in a Cell.
Ryback vs. Primo and Epico
Rback sends Primo to the ground, then Epico. Bodyslam on Primo and slamming his head in the mat.
Epico comes and clubs Ryback's back, but he gets sent into the corner.
Primo and Epico then begin the two-on-one. Missile dropkick and neckbreaker. Primo bodydrops Epico onto Ryback. Both men try for a cover, but get nearfalls.
More brawling and Primo gets the sleeper. Epico unloads with strikes. He slaps Ryback.
And Ryback is mad. He hits Primo with a jawbreaker. Epico is sent down to the ground.
Time to finish it.
Double Shell Shocked gets the pinfall and victory for Ryback.
Brodus Clay vs. R-Truth
Little Jimmy leads Truth to the ring and he asks for a mic.
Truth says that they can't fight anytime, but Little Jimmy is going through puberty. He says that Little Jimmy just wants to dance tonight.
They all get down.
Vinnie Mac on the Titantron and says he wants them to leave, as he will give his State of the WWE Address next.
Vince McMahon here.
He says there is room for everyone in WWE. Goatfaced vegans, dancing dinosaurs, etc.
He says that WWE has action. That we see the world's greatest athletes compete and that we see the best in the world compete.
Oh, did someone call CM Punk?
McMahon says Punk comes out here and disrespected him.
Punk says that him listening to McMahon babble is disrespect. He says that by not mentioning Punk's name, it was disrespect. Punk says that it is a shot at him since he won't face Cena. He says it is his choice to give Cena a title shot. Punk says these people boo him and disrespect him, despite him being the champion.
He also says that people who chant his name ironically show him disrespect, too.
Punk asks McMahon if he respects him.
Vinnie says that he respects his title run, but he doesn't respect the fact that he is a Heyman guy. He says that he isn't a CM Punk guy.
Punk says he respects that, but Vince doesn't get it. He is the best in the world and he is the champion. He said last year he was a spoke on the wheel, but now he is the wheel. He asks why Vince dares to disrespect him.
Heyman wants Punk to calm down.
Punk says that Vince should be kissing his feet, like everyone in the world. He says that these people don't care about Jim Ross, who had his own appreciation night. He says these people don't care about Jerry Lawler. He says he might as well blow Vince a kiss goodbye and haul ass out of here.
Vince asks if he really thinks he makes this company money.
Punk says yes, in a very long convoluted way.
Vince says that it is the WWE Universe. He says he hears them all day and that he knows what they are saying right now is that someone needs to shut Punk's mouth. He says Punk is nowhere near an Andre the Giant, an HBK, a Triple H, a Stone Cold Steve Austin...
Punk says that Austin took shortcuts and the easy way out. He says that his claim to fame was beating up an inept millionaire. He says that Vince is more inept and more clueless now, along with being a senior citizen. Punk says now Vince knows how Punk feels. Punk says it is a slap in the face when he comes out and is booed. He says Vince has slapped him in the face for years.
Punk slaps Vince down to the ground.
Vince says he wants to fire him, but he won't fire him, that is, if he faces him in the ring tonight, he won't fire him.
Heyman is upset and seems skeptical, but Punk is pleased as punch and thinks he has Vince right where he wants him.
Recap of what happened moments ago.
Tag Team Tournament: Prime Time Players vs. Sin Cara and Rey Mysterio
Darren Young and Sin Cara start.
Sin Cara with a bulldog on Young. He hits his springboard arm drag. Sin Cara with the headscissors takeover. Young with a kick to the gut. Sin Cara tags Rey in after stopping on the ropes.
Sin Cara sends Young outside. Rey follows with a seated senton. Titus follows the action, but Sin Cara comes with a flying attack to knock him down.
Commercial with the luchadores in control.
Sin Cara in with Titus. Titus with a backbreaker for a nearfall.
Commercial footage shows Titus slamming Sin Cara into the barricade outside.
Back inside and Young clinching Sin Cara in a bearhug. Cara fights out, but Young puts him in the corner. Hard chop. Young sits Sin Cara on top and follows with punches. Sin Cara fights him down to the floor and gets the flying DDT.
Rey gets the hot tag. Seated senton on Young. He takes Titus out. Headscissors for Young. He kicks Young to counter a bodydrop, then lands a head kick for a nearfall. Titus breaks it up and gets Cara. Cara with a enzuigiri and a seated senton.
Young hits his gutbuster on Cara, but he isn't the legal man. He goes to the cornered legal man, Mysterio, but eats a boot. Push comes to shove and it leads to a drop toehold for Mysterio.
619 is dialed and the call goes through. Mysterio up top and diving headbutt lands. Pin and victory to Mysterio and Cara.
Punk and Heyman chatting backstage.
Heyman tells Punk that this is a "must lose" situation.
Punk asks Heyman if he thinks he can't beat Vinnie Mac, saying he isn't even as good as when he fought Stone Cold. He says he will beat him down.
Heyman says if he wins, they'll have a crazy billionaire on their tails for a good while.
Punk says he will find a way to win.
Sheamus vs. Wade Barrett
Lockup. Stalemate for a bit.
Big Show enters.
He walks around ringside and Barrett starts using that to his advantage. Big strikes and pummeling Sheamus. Sheamus reverses with a side headlock takeover.
Big Show has a seat near the announce table.
Barrett fights out, but Sheamus with a shoulder block for a nearfall. Once again with the side headlock. Barrett pushes him into the corner. Boot to the gut by Barrett. He throws Sheamus to the apron, but Sheamus is able to counter with a battering ram.
Another side headlock takeover. Barrett puts Sheamus in the corner and puts elbows to his face. Barrett attempts a hip toss, but nothing doing. He pummels Sheamus and goes for a suplex. Two blocks and Sheamus gets his own for a nearfall.
Side headlock by Sheamus. He sends Barrett into the ropes, but Barrett counters the bodydrop with a kick. Sheamus tries to set up Barrett on his shoulders, but Barrett elbows out. Sheamus lands the knee lift to Barrett, who is on the apron.
Action moves outside. Sheamus on the apron, tries a Brogue Kick, but Barrett sweeps the leg. He works the leg more and Sheamus is down.
Barrett has Sheamus in a surfboard stretch. Sheamus fights out of it.
Commercial footage shows the two exchanging strikes.
Barrett out on the outside. Sheamus with an uppercut on Barrett. He tries to send Barrett into the steps, but Barrett catches it and walks across. Side kicks the steps into Sheamus' leg.
Action moves back inside and Barrett with the nearfall. Barrett beats Sheamus down and now has the Camel Clutch. Sheamus back up, but Barrett with a gut to the stomach. Sheamus goes off the ropes, but Barrett cracks him with a knee to the stomach.
Barrett gets mount and lands two haymakers. He chokes Sheamus on the second rope. Wraps Sheamus in the ropes and gets the Thai clinch. Knees unloaded to the gut and Sheamus teetering. Running boot puts Sheamus to sleep. Cover, but only a nearfall.
Barrett up top and going for an elbow drop, but misses. Sheamus comes back with a clothesline and both men slowly up. Sheamus back with the running axehandles. Shoulder gut and running knee lift. Sheamus looking for a slam of some sort, but nothing. Barrett attempts a pumphandle slam, but Sheamus fights out.
Sheamus sends Barrett to the apron and gets the ten forearms to the chest.
Tensai is here and he goes after Sheamus.
Barrett and him overwhelm Sheamus.
I guess this gets Sheamus a victory by DQ here.
Barrett holding Sheamus and Tensai looking to clobber him. Sheamus gets a Brogue Kick and sends Barrett outside. Show gets in and wants the WMD. Sheamus attempts the Brogue Kick, but Show catches it and sends Sheamus outside right on his head.
Show walks out as Sheamus gets back in the ring.
JR leaves announcing to go have a chat with Vince backstage.
Punk walks in.
AJ asks if she can help him, as Punk has a big match that he should be preparing for.
Punk says that AJ should be thinking about him beating up an old man on her show. He says he is going to break every bone in his body and that everyone will blame her, as Punk is just doing his job.
AJ says that Punk is obviously afraid of Cena, but she asks if he is afraid of McMahon, too.
Punk says that is all he needed and everything lies on AJ's head now. He gives her a kiss on the cheek as he walks out.
Cena on with Kelly Ripa and Michael Strahan.
Antonio Cesaro vs. Tyson Kidd
Cesaro promo prior to the match. He talks crap about American fast food. Awesome stuff.
Cesaro just putting the boots to Tyson here. Wristlock after he puts Tyson down. Tyson with a sitdown springboard armdrag. Tyson rolls up Cesaro with a nearfall.
Charges a cornered Cesaro, but he eats a boot. Cesaro stomping Kidd down. He goes to the apron and jumps, stomping on the chest of Kidd. Back inside and the Karelin throw. He puts in the neck crank on Kidd.
Sends Tyson to the ropes, but runs into the boots of Kidd. Kidd with a hangman's neckbreaker. Cesaro goes after him with a clothesline, but misses. Tyson goes to the apron and kicks Cesaro.
Back inside and Tyson putting the offense in. Dropkick to Cesaro onto the apron. Springboard elbow misses.
Very European Uppercut blasts Kidd. Neutralizer and pinfall to your United States champion.
Team Hell No vs. Alberto Del Rio and Dolph Ziggler
Bryan and Ziggler start.
Arm drag by Ziggler off the lockup. He shows off a bit.
Bryan back in control and gets the wristlock. Reaches to tag to Kane, but not happening. Ziggler counters out and gets to tag ADR.
Bryan looking for the "NO!" Lock. ADR pushes out and pushes Bryan into his corner. Kane tags himself in. Boots the ribs of ADR. Puts his head in the turnbuckle and unloads strikes. Wristlock from Kane and he reaches to tag Bryan. Again, nothing doing. Kane drops ADR with a right hand.
ADR scoots out of Kane's offense and tags in Ziggler. Snapmare and dropkick by Kane to Ziggler. Ziggler corners Kane and tries to strike, but Kane ends up putting him outside.
Bryan in and flying knee lift from the apron to Ziggler on the outside.
Team Hell No in control as we break.
Back and Zigs has the sleeper in on Kane. Kane fights out and gets a big boot.
Bryan in and a clothesline to Ziggler. Flying dropkick in the corner and he puts Ziggler on top. Frankensteiner, but Ziggler rolls through for a nearfall. Ziggler sends Bryan into the ropes and ADR kicks Bryan in the back. Dropkick by Ziggler.
ADR in and he runs off the ropes to stomp on Bryan's face. Nearfall. Sleeper in for ADR. Bryan fights out and gets a nearfall on the sunset flip. ADR with a brutal superkick.
Ziggler in. He gets a neckbreaker. Elbow drop from Ziggler gets a nearfall.
ADR tagged in and gets a suplex for nearfall. ADR with a kick to the back of Bryan and pushes Bryan into the corner. Kicks him quite a few times. Bryan reverses and gets his kicks in. Whips ADR and goes for the flying dropkick, but misses and rebounds off the corner.
Ziggler in and he gets a nearfall. Ziggler with a sleeper and transitions to a front headlock, but Bryan gives him a jawbreaker. Bryan looking to tag, but Ziggler grabs Bryan's leg. He drags him back to his corner and brings in ADR.
ADR stomping Bryan. Side suplex and he gets a nearfall. Sleeper hold in for ADR. Bryan trying to fight out and he gets out. Off the ropes, but he eats a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Kane breaks up the pin and ADR puts Bryan in a leglock in his corner, tagging in Zigs.
Ziggler with punches, but Bryan fighting back. Bryan gets the forearms going in his favor, but Ziggler kicks the knee of Bryan. Ziggler isolates Bryan and holds him while tagging in ADR. Side kick from ADR and then locks in a neck crank. Bryan fights out and gets cornered. ADR charges and gets a shoulder into the ring post.
Hot tag brings in Kane. Kane with clotheslines. Whips ADR into two corners and gets the clotheslines.
Kane attempts a slam, but ADR falls out and makes the tag. Ziggler up top while ADR is in a chokeslam. Ziggler comes down into a chokeslam and he kicks the knee of Kane.
Fame Asser by Ziggler. Only a nearfall. Kane tags himself in.
Kane gets the sidewalk slam. Going up top, but Bryan tags himself in. Missile dropkick from Bryan gets him a nearfall. ADR broke the pin and Kane goes in to take care of him. He sits by the ropes and ADR charges, but he goes right through the ropes feet first.
Kane with the Chokeslam. Pin and victory to Team Hell No.
JR talking with Vince backstage.
He tells Vince that he has no reason to confront Punk tonight. He says he can't help but think of what Punk did to Lawler.
McMahon remembers when JR called Stone Cold's matches. He says he wants JR to do the honor of saying, "MCMAHON! MCMAHON! MCMAHON!"
JR says if Vince wrestles, he will.
Vince says he wants it now, "DAMNIT!"
"MCMAHON! MCMAHON! MCMAHON! HE'S BEATING PUNK LIKE A GOVERNMENT MULE. HE HAS BROKEN HIM IN HALF!"
The crowd pops, but JR still says that he thinks Vince is making a mistake.
"IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK!
Vince says he'll see JR out there.
Larry King with his wife, time for Larry King Now.
Miz enters early and says Larry doesn't need to introduce him, as he is the must-see superstar. He says that if this goes well, he might just appear on Larry King's show. Miz says it is his birthday and he wants Larry to lead the crowd in singing "Happy Birthday" to him.
Larry says that he has heard from his sources that no one cares about his birthday. Larry says he is replacing Miz with a new guest, Kofi Kingston.
Kofi says he has been putting the good word out on the street all day that the WWE is live here in Sacramento!
Miz cuts in and says he doesn't know who is more irrelevant, a has-been or a never-was.
Miz says that he's had more championships than King has had wives. He tells King to get off his stage before King has another divorce, as he'll divorce his big head from his tiny body.
Larry's wife splashes water in Miz's face.
Miz takes the jacket off and Kofi slams Miz into the stage. Kofi sends Miz off the stage. He does the flying forearm and they fight backstage.
King and wife leave.
Tag Team Tournament: Santino Marella and Zack Ryder vs. Team Rhodes Scholars
Rhodes and Ryder start.
Rhodes puts Ryder in the corner. Uppercut drops Ryder. He goes for a suplex, but backslide for a nearfall for Ryder. Ryder with a rollup. Rhodes runs into the boots of Ryder. Clothesline for Ryder gets a nearfall.
Ryder with punches, but Cody counters a bodydrop with a kick.
Sandow in and clotheslines Ryder from the apron. Stomps and a knee drop for a nearfall. Front headlock and a sleeper in for Sandow. Sandow puts Ryder on the mat and tags Rhodes. Rhodes with a stomp to the groin for a nearfall. Side headlock in for Rhodes and he brings in Sandow.
Rhodes drops Ryder. Elbow of Disdain lans for Sandow for a nearfall.
Rhodes back in and working the front headlock again. Turns it into a side headlock.
Ryder brings in Santino.
Santino going for his jabs and hip toss. He brings out The Cobra. Sandow charges at Santino, who almost Cobras him.
Disaster kick lands. Rhodes with the pinfall for Rhodes Scholars.
The team celebrates.
Slater, Mahal, and McIntyre hit the ring. They lay the beatdown on both men.
Heyman with McMahon backstage. He apologizes to Vince for Punk's actions. He says that he wants to broker the peace between Punk and McMahon.
McMahon asks Heyman if he even knows when he is lying or telling the truth. He says Heyman has poisoned Punk's mind.
Heyman says that he is here for McMahon's sake. He tells Vince that he doesn't want Punk to do to him what Lesnar did to HHH.
WWE Divas Championship: Eve (c) vs. Kaitlyn
Layla at the announce table.
Lockup and Kaitlyn with a hip toss. Shoulder block from Kaitlyn. Forearms. Suplex gets Kaitlyn a nearfall.
Eve unloading with strikes. She gets back bodydropped, which gets Kaitlyn a nearfall. Kaitlyn puts Eve on her shoulders with a Torture Rack. Eve rakes the eyes and kicks the injured ankle of Kaitlyn.
Cut to ringside and back. Kaitlyn with a backbreaker, but she hurts the injured ankle. Eve now working the ankle, hanging it on the rope and kicks it. Stepping on the ankle and now locks in a heel hook. Kaitlyn in big pain.
Eve keeps the hold on for quite a bit longer and Layla goes into the ring. Eve breaks and Layla walks her down. Eve checks to see if Kaitlyn is okay, but Layla shoves her.
Eve leaves with the belt as Kaitlyn is down in-ring.
ADR and Ricardo backstage.
Josh Mathews meets them and wants to show ADR a Tweet. ADR tells Mathews to shove off, as he is trying to work.
Mathews tells him what the Tweet says, as it is Orton saying he will be on SmackDown on Friday.
ADR and Ricardo walk off in disgust.
Larry King with his wife backstage.
Bryan shows up and asks if he remembers when David Letterman said he looked like an owl. Bryan says people say he has a goatface. He asks how he dealt with it, as he really does look like an owl.
Bryan says he is incredibly handsome. He then asks Larry's wife if she'd rather be with an attractive man like him. She says she doesn't go after trolls who sleep under bridges, to which Bryan says he only slept under one bridge.
Kane shows up. He says that he was carrying Bryan's goatface out there. Bryan says it looks like someone smacked him with a Fruit Rollup. They bicker.
King has walked off and Bryan says that Kane scared off King. Kane thought it was Skeletor.
Heyman tells Punk to beat McMahon so badly he goes senile, since he will come after them if he doesn't.
Punk says he'll be glad to oblige.
Punk attacks him from behind.
Punk unloads strikes, stomps, knees, punches, etc.
Action moves inside the ring.
McMahon up as Punk takes off his shirt. Double leg and he unloads punches. Punk reverses and unloads. McMahon reverses and both men up to their feet. Head kick drops McMahon.
Punk steps on McMahon and scrapes the dirt on him. Punk throws him to the outside. He slams his head into the announce table. He takes the microphone off Cole and says, "WHAT A MANEUVER!"
Punk puts him on his shoulders, but McMahon with an elbow and sends Punk into the steel post. McMahon sends Punk over the announce table.
McMahon with the mic. He says he will teach Punk something about respect. He dives over the announce table and clobbers Punk over the head with the microphone. Both men up and he rams the chair into Punk's gut.
Back in the ring and Vince looking for a weapon outside.
The ol' Kendo stick.
He gets in and swings, but Punk rolls outside to the floor. Punk looking at Heyman for direction. He calls Heyman to bring the title so he can leave. Heyman meets McMahon, who slaps him down and takes the belt with him into the ring.
Inviting Punk in. Punk keeps trying, but nothing happening.
Punk gets a kendo stick of his own. He is walking into the ring slowly. The two trade blows and Vince gets the better of him, putting Punk to his knees. McMahon about to strike the final blow, but Punk with the lowblow!
Punk grabs both kendo sticks and slugging McMahon with them.
He is ready to put McMahon to sleep.
He goads Ryback, but then runs out immediately.
Cena runs in and throws Punk in.
Shell Shocked up and ready, but Punk slips out and escapes through the crowd with his belt.
McMahon says he hopes he learned some respect. He says it is decision time. He either faces Ryback or Cena at HITC, and if he doesn't decide, Vinnie Mac will.
The three men stand triumphant in the ring as Punk looks on with disbelief in the crowd.
Fade to black.