TNA Impact results, live updates for April 3, 2014: Four-Way Dance

TNA Impact comes waltzing back into our lives tonight (April 3, 2014) from Orlando, Florida, with a taped show featuring Magnus defending his heavyweight championship against Abyss, Samoa Joe, and Eric Young.

Scheduled for the show: The aforementioned title match, Bully Ray teams up with Willow to take on Bobby Roode and EC3 in a Tables match, the Beautiful People vs. Madison Rayne and a partner of her choosing, Sanada vs. Tigre Uno in the first of a best-of-three series for the X Division title, Mr. Anderson vs. Samuel Shaw in a Straitjacket match, and more!

To follow along as it all goes down come right back here at 9 p.m. ET to hang out with all your favorite folks from this neck of the woods when the show airs on Spike. Hanging out here is guaranteed to enhance your viewing experience.

Enjoy the evening, Cagesiders!

_________________________________

RESULTS AND LIVE UPDATES

- They started with the tag team Tables match. Roode and EC3 got jobber entrances. Willow, despite saying he doesn't care about alliances, was working incredibly well with Ray. In fact, he slid right into Devon's old role in Team 3D. They're even did all the same spots! Willow worked all of Jeff Hardy's spots, so he doesn't have anything new to offer in that way. Well, there is the dancing and laughing. During the match, Rockstar Spud came out in a wheelchair only for Willow to dropkick him, pick him up, and kidnap him again. In the ring, Ray lost the advantage for a short time, then regained it with far too much ease. Ultimately, though, he was put through a table via Bobby Roode spinebuster.

- The post-match angle saw Bobby put Bully through another table, this time with the Roode Bomb. The heels were about to leave but changed their mind and set up another table in the ring. This time Ray was laid on a table and Roode came off the top rope to put him through it. Willow never came back, too busy kidnapping Spud.

- They showed Kenny King showing up to the arena and he was wondering what he's got going on tonight. Some TNA employee told him he's not scheduled for a match so King gave him some cash and walked into the building to go find MVP.

Editorial break: They started the show with a match, and that's appreciated. It wasn't half bad either, though it wasn't anything special. The Willow character continues to baffle, and that might be the point. It's dumb either way.

- Magnus was shown arriving and telling an interviewer that he and Abyss have "never been more on the same page".

- MVP was interviewed. He talked about how great the card is tonight, at one point calling Samuel Shaw a creepy bastard. Kenny King showed up and wanted to know what the deal is with his spot on the card and MVP blew him off. He said they are going to make history tonight.

- Mr. Anderson vs. Samuel Shaw was next. Anderson called Shaw a creepy bastard and demanded he come out. When he did, he had a mic and said he's not creepy and he has precious hands that create art. Anderson doesn't create art because he's ordinary and the "worst crime in society" is to be ordinary. The fans chanted "creepy bastard" at this point. Shaw climbed on the apron and said, "Mr. Anderson, Christy Hemme loves me". That led Anderson to rush over and punch him in the face. The referee decided to start the match here. Reminder: This is a straitjacket match, where the winner does so via putting his opponent in a straitjacket. They went back and forth until Shaw used his head-and-arm choke to put Anderson out long enough to get the jacket on him. After his win, Shaw was petting Anderson using his face.

- The Beautiful People were interviewed and said they're going to rewrite history tonight. Velvet Sky said Madison Rayne's true motives were revealed -- she wanted to outshine the girls who taught her everything -- and that was unacceptable. Stay tuned because we aren't going to want to miss this. Love then pointed at Sky's ass and she shook it for the camera.

Editorial break: The Kenny King stuff is just silly, the Samuel Shaw stuff is even sillier but at least this time made some measure of sense, and the Beautiful People are, if nothing else, super easy to hate.

- Eric Young was interviewed. He said tonight isn't about the heavyweight championship title but about responsibility and taking care of business, which is what he plans on doing.

- Sanada vs. Tigre Uno was next. Christy Hemme, apparently not at all concerned that Samuel Shaw won his straitjacket match with Anderson like 10 minutes ago, announced this is the first match in a best of three series. Before the match started, Kenny King walked out with a mic saying he's not here to steal the spotlight, he's here to "click-clack, lock it down". And if we didn't know, he IS the X Division. He actually said something about coming out of his momma doing back flips. Finally, MVP showed up with a full blown entrance. He said King was ruining his show and King questioned how it's his show. MVP wanted to go backstage and talk and King said he only would if MVP had "a big bag of money and about eight big booty ladies doing handstands and making their butts clap." He actually said that. King kept trying to get a match and MVP kept claiming the card was booked up. So Kenny challenged him to a match. He didn't go over well at first but finally MVP agreed after Kenny bumped into him and acted cocky. I'm not kidding, Sanada and Uno just stood in the ring staring at all this as it was happening, no clue what to do.

- After a commercial break, the Sanada vs. Uno match finally happened. They didn't get much time but it was a well worked match and Sanada got win number one in the series with what Taz called a "double underhook throw" into a pinfall.

- Magnus was interviewed again. He was asked about Abyss and said we'll see tonight.

- They showed Brittany. walking into the locker room and telling Madison Rayne she really looks up to her because Rayne started in such a small role at TNA and is now the Knockouts champion. She lingered and Madison caught on that Brittany wanted to be her tag partner. Rayne's response was a simple "thanks, but no, thanks." Brittany appealed to her being in a similar spot a couple years ago and Madison thought of Brittany beating Gail Kim in her debut match. Then she realized they were dressed alike and that did the trick. She changed her mind and told Brittney to shut the door so they could talk strategy.

Editorial break: I can't stop laughing at Kenny King's complete hijacking of Sanada and Tigre Uno's match and ridiculous promo on MVP.

- Magnus came out for a promo. He brought out Abyss while calling him a "handsome fellow". Abyss came out wearing a suit and Magnus was cheesing way too hard at this. Magnus brought up the four corners title match later in the night and talked about the others being intrigued by the title but Abyss being there to make sure nothing happens. He tugged at some old strings in Abyss' past, like James Mitchell and Eric Young. Magnus is British and said because of that it was hard for him to truly express himself but he wanted to say something Abyss has been longing to hear his whole life. "Abyss ... I love you." Magnus put the microphone down and hugged Abyss, though it wasn't returned. As the two started walking to the back, Eric Young showed up out of nowhere and attacked Abyss from behind. Magnus made the save and I swear you could hear a pin drop in the arena. After a short beat down, Samoa Joe came out and saved Young for reasons no one knows considering what happened last week. As far as that goes, Young told Joe to mind his own business before walking off to end the segment.

- The Wolves were shown talking to MVP backstage. Suddenly, Robbie E came in with a doctor and they had a note saying Jesse suffered an injury, a pulled quad. MVP was no fan of this, saying he's a pro wrestler and he needs to shake it off and kept back up and work. Robbie threatened a lawsuit, so MVP backed down. The Wolves were pissed about this because "WE EARNED THIS!"

- Another video package with Knux. He found his dad. They had a hashtag on the lower left screen that read "#KnuxReturns". They're actually pushing this guy. His dad was upset about Knux bailing on the family business. The flood put a lot of people out of work. Knux wanted to know what could be salvaged and his dad asked if he could spend some time. "Maybe I can stay for a few days to try to get this show back on the road".

Editorial break: The acting in these Knux skits is so incredibly bad it's good. Also, that Magnus promo was glorious if only because he made it feel like this whole Abyss nonsense is a joke, which is exactly the case.

- The Beautiful People vs. Madison Rayne & Brittany was next. It wasn't much of a match, with Love and Sky taking both ladies out but ultimately seeing Love pin Brittany for the victory.

- MVP vs. Kenny King was next. The crowd chanted for MVP early and the first three minutes was about Kenny getting out of an armlock. They went the other way once he got out. So they were having the "exhibition" they were talking about in their promo earlier. After six or seven minutes or so I started wondering what match got booted from the card for this. MVP did say they were all booked up, so what got bumped? It stopped being an exhibition and turned into a fight, though a tame one, and Earl Hebner, the ref for the match, called for the bell. Two more referees came out to break them up but after they pulled MVP off, Kenny attacked him before bailing.

- Magnus found EC3 in the back and congratulated him on a great match tonight. Carter wondered what he wanted, considering their business relationship came to an end. Magnus said they were still friends, though. He wanted to know if EC3 had his back tonight. Carter didn't understand why he would even need it tonight, seeing as Abyss is in there with him. Magnus demanded an answer and EC3 refused to really give him one.

- King was interviewed. He said he had to show MVP what time it is and before he could finish up, MVP attacked him. The Wolves broke it up and called MVP a hypocrite for not controlling himself. "Momentarily lapse, you guys are right."

- Main event was next: Magnus vs. Abyss vs. Samoa Joe vs. Eric Young for the TNA heavyweight championship title. The heels controlled for most of the match save for a couple babyface comebacks. Joe came close to winning a number of times but was stopped by each guy in the ring one time or another. At one point, Magnus even choked the referee to distract him so he could low blow Joe to get out of the rear-naked choke. Late in the match, Abyss hit the Black Hole Slam and would have won the title if he pinned Young but Magnus called him off. This allowed Magnus to hit the flying elbow drop to get the pin to retain the title. Abyss seemed conflicted.

End.