TNA Impact results and reactions from last night (June 27): Suicide, it's a suicide

TNA Impact returned to Spike TV last night (June 27, 2013) from Peoria, Illinois, featuring a show built around revealing the identity of Suicide and adding another member to the already SUPER ELITE Main Event Mafia stable.

Click here to get full results and the running live blog. Now let's get right to reactions:

• Because it's TNA, this has to start with a minor gripe. Well, it doesn't have to, but it's going to. Why not do this particular show when it's live? Why do a show built almost entirely around Suicide getting unmasked for a taped episode that had spoilers available for an entire week leading up to it? I don't understand that logic.
• That being said, I loved the angle. This is exactly the kind of thing smarkier fans rail on when arguing logic in pro wrestling. Suicide wears a full body suit that shows no skin, therefore he can be anyone. So why wouldn't anyone just kick the shit out of the guy in the suit, steal it, and put himself in a title match that doubles as a number one contender bout to the heavyweight title? Why, they would, actually! Austin Aries would, at least, and it fits perfectly with his character. The show end with the big reveal was really well done, even if it wasn't a surprise.
• Here's a telling thing about Hulk Hogan: I can remember him putting over slamming Andre the Giant, and winning the WWF championship from Iron Sheik, and chopping down mountains with the edge of his hand, but I can't remember why he was doing so. Doesn't that just say so very much?
• I'll continue to say it: Sting wearing a suit with the sunglasses and slicked back hair makes him legitimately look like a mob boss. Now if he only knew how to act like one. Kurt Angle also pulls the look off well, considering he's always got that sort of quiet intensity about him, like, yeah, he's wearing a suit but he'll absolutely tear your face off. I have no idea how Samoa Joe will pull off the same look, but at least it's not Kevin Nash taking one more bite at the apple.
• Bully Ray was awesome all night, in particular his short segment with TJ Perkins. He perfectly conveyed the fact that he's a tough guy, but he's also worried about some sneaky situations going on around him, and he's both frustrated and anxiety ridden that he can't strong arm his way out of it. He did this with Perkins, who was awkward as all get out, and made clear he's probably in the top five of the best actors for pro wrestling. He was great all night, really, invading locker rooms and cutting promos in the ring. He's just a treat to watch, even if he's mostly surrounded by a pile of shit.
• Speaking of shit, Gut Check. Ryan Howe, the blonde kid from Tough Enough that Steve Austin had so much fun with, works a rock star gimmick, which is fine. What's not fine is watching him play himself to the ring with an electric guitar. I'm not watching pro wrestling to see a rock concert and I'm certainly not impressed with this guy playing his guitar with his tongue. In fact, as a guitar player myself, I'm completely disgusted by it, mostly because you're PLUCKING STRINGS WITH YOUR FUCKING TONGUE. You don't look cool, you just look stupid.
• The other half of the shit show that was Gut Check last night featured Adam Ohriner, who you probably know as "The Big O" from Zack Ryder's old YouTube show, Z! True Long Island Story. Ohriner is basically Rob Terry, complete with the small bit of charisma attached to a body that wouldn't be out of place in Vince McMahon's old WBF. He's built like a brick shithouse, basically, and he moves about as well as one.
• Now, onto the match. I'm not sure I've seen one as disjointed and out of rhythm since the days of ... well ... nothing is coming to mind. Really, these guys were bad. Howe made a save by rolling through on a cross body off the top rope that came up too short, but other than that their timing was off, their offense looked awful, and Ohriner sells worse than Undertaker in the early 1990s. He won, though, of course, because he's a big dumb oaf and all that, but neither of these two should ever sniff another moment of actual television time for a major wrestling promotion. This was downright painful.
• Mickie James is still so damn wonderful. I love that TNA has zero problem booking its women in the prime time slots. The match itself didn't really deliver this time, but James was great on the microphone, like she always is, and they're telling a legitimate story with Velvet Sky, so this was as good as it could be.
• Is Magnus actually getting over a bit? I mean, is he really? I think he might be. Yeah, he might be.
• Remember when James Storm looked like the next big babyface and we were pushing for him to have that awesome program with Bobby Roode that would carry the company into a new day and age? Yeah, that's dead and gone now. That garbage last night was hot, and Gunner is not helping matters, what with his complete lack of personality. Robbie E, Jesse, and Tara are more entertaining than the tag team champions. Let that sink in.

This show had its moments, namely the Suicide reveal in the show close and Bully Ray generally being awesome, but was mostly bad.

Grade: D

That's it from me, Cagesiders. Now it's your turn to sound off in the comments section below with all your thoughts on last night's show.